


A World Without You

by Pikablukachu



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood and Violence, Character Development, Death, Gen, also Tenshi/Shion content in some chapters, eventually, featuring smaller roles from Kanako Aya Suika and others, in which Yukari cares about people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-04-21 07:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 61,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14279868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pikablukachu/pseuds/Pikablukachu
Summary: Even the most powerful youkai take things for granted sometimes. What if, one day, someone who was truly special to Yukari Yakumo suddenly didn't exist?





	1. Waking Up

**Author's Note:**

> Even an eerily calm youkai like Yukari must have a breaking point, right? She was (probably) human once, after all.
> 
> I’ve written a lot of fluff, so I wanted to try something mean.
> 
> This fic was inspired by things like the lonely vibes in Yukari’s character themes and asking myself what could push Yukari to her breaking point. Essentially a Yukari character study that evolved into something much bigger. It's my first seriously canon-divergent fic so I have taken liberties with some characters and abilities while keeping mostly in-character.
> 
> It should be plenty clear and enjoyable enough to casual fans and maybe even non-fans, but those who have a basic knowledge of Touhou lore will get more out of it. It's not directly related to 15.5/AoCF, but knowledge of that game's plot will help too.
> 
> It's not a shippy fic, but I tease some popular ships for fun (YukaRei, ReiMari, YukaYuyu)  
> That said, Tenshi and Shion will be making shippy appearances.
> 
> There will be a glossary of key terms at the end of each chapter. Enjoy!

_What does a youkai who sleeps so much dream about?_  

 

* * *

 

"Master Yukari, don't you think it's time you woke up?"

"Hm? But I'm not asleep." Yukari told Reimu Hakurei, the shrine maiden of Hakurei Shrine whom Yukari had grown particularly fond of over the last decade or so. "And why are you calling me Master all of a sudden? What a peculiar girl you are."

For a brief few moments, the two women giggled and smiled gently at one another, enjoying the tranquil quiet of Hakurei Shrine together on a beautiful summer day. Spending time like this was fine once in a while, wasn't it?

"Master Yukari." Reimu insisted. Her lips moved, but this was not her voice. "Spring time has come."

Yukari felt a warm wind shaking her shoulder. This was...

......

Sleepily, Yukari Yakumo opened her eyes. Her room was only dimly lit, but her faithful kitsune shikigami, Ran Yakumo, was unfortunately insistent that Yukari not spend another day in bed. Not even one more day.

The sensation of reality penetrating your dreams and the line between the two blurring together would always be a surreal one, but for a youkai as long-lived and long-slept as Yukari Yakumo dreams had become inconsequential.

How many dreams had she had in the three to four months she was asleep this time? How many dreams had passed and been long-buried in her mind by the time the New Year rolled around, let alone March, when she typically woke up?

"Your tea, Master Yukari." Ran entered the room again, leaving a tray of Yukari's favourite springtime tea. The aromatic scent was enough to help rouse Yukari's head and mood somewhat, after sleeping for so long.

"Thank you." Yukari sleepily but sternly responded. Ran allowed some more light into the room and bowed gently, before leaving and setting about other chores.

As usual, Yukari was a little groggy after waking. ' _How should I punish that shikigami for waking me in such a rude way?_ ' she pondered, unreasonably.

It would take a few minutes, or hours, for the resentment of being woken to fade. This was why Ran typically left Yukari to herself after waking her. Like clockwork though, a nice pot of tea and a warm breakfast were enough to soothe Yukari's spirits.

"So, my dear Ran... did I miss anything interesting through the winter?" a notably more cheerful Yukari asked a few hours later. She had changed out of her sleep-wear into a deep purple gown, which the sleepy youkai had likely slept in before anyway. "Have the cherry blossoms bloomed yet?"

"Fortunately the winter has been uneventful, Master Yukari." Ran calmly reported, smiling. "I was able to wake you promptly this year, so the cherry blossoms are still a week or so out, by my guess."

The kitsune seemed almost a little proud of herself. Yukari smirked at her, but gave a small bored sigh anyway.

Chen, Ran's own cat shikigami, was curled up sleeping precariously on a pile of Bunbunmaru Newspapers that had stacked up over the winter. It was always amazing to see a human-shaped cat curl up so small without toppling the pile of papers over.

"Let's see if that tengu has written about anything interesting at least..." Yukari lazily cut a gap in the air and effortlessly pulled one of the papers from the pile. The snoozing shikigami and the other papers were left completely undisturbed.

Yukari's eyes glazed over as she scanned the front page, then a few of the inner pages. A little truth here, a little exaggeration there, but overall a whole lot of nothing.

"Supposedly, the autumn mushrooms continued growing for a few weeks longer than usual last year." Ran chuckled to herself, bemused at Yukari's futile search for points of interest.

"I can see that." Yukari mumbled, eyeing the all-too exciting headline for herself. Enough of that. She tossed a newspaper into a gap in the air, a gap leading to who-knows-where.

Yukari Yakumo was an interesting and unique type of youkai called a 'gap youkai' - possibly a self-given title. She had the ability to manipulate the boundaries of reality itself, and could easily open a hole in space to almost anywhere she wished.

This lazy youkai also happened to be one of the most fearsome and influential youkai to ever exist, having had a direct hand in the separation of Gensokyo from the Outside World, as well as having involvement with most major events in Gensokyo's history.

She truly loved Gensokyo though, possibly more than anyone else. Whatever the reason for this, Yukari made it something of her life's work to remain well-informed enough to oversee and manipulate Gensokyo from the shadows.

To put it another way, if Yukari's far-reaching information network hadn't given Ran anything interesting to tell her, it was unlikely the relatively sensational tengu newspaper would tell her anything valuable either.

"Will you be going out, then?" Ran asked politely, scooping Chen up off the pile of newspapers and plopping her gently onto her bed. Chen mumbled irritably, but quickly forgave her master and fell asleep again.

Yukari stood up and stretched, yawning again before picking her hand fan up from the kotatsu. "I suppose..."

Then her face relaxed into a smile. "I think I'll pay an early visit to our favourite Hakurei shrine maiden." she cut open a gap in the wall and stepped through it like a door - her own little brand of humour.

"Hakurei shrine maiden?" Ran chuckled. "Ha ha, very funny."

"Be wary of your snark this year as always, my shikigami." Yukari pointed her fan commandingly at Ran, as she sank back into the gap and out of sight.

Ran raised an eyebrow and frowned, before shaking her head and returning to her mundane duties.

......

Yukari opened a gap in the wall of Hakurei Shrine's living area and confidently strode through it like a doorway, hoping to surprise the shrine maiden with her uninvited entry. To her disappointment though, the room was dark and empty.

' _She must not be in._ ' Yukari thought, pouting to herself. She headed to the side doors to allow some light and air in and prepared to make herself at home as she waited for the maiden to return.

The door seemed stiff and took a bit of a shove to open. When it finally budged it kicked up a huge amount of dust, getting up the dignified youkai's nose and making her sneeze in a most undignified way. She became suddenly aware of a thick, musty smell in the air.

"Oh, Reimu..." Yukari said aloud as she rolled her eyes. She knew the maiden was lazy at times, but this was ridiculous. She opted to wait outside instead - on the shrine's roof.

Hakurei Shrine really did look shabby this spring though. Had Reimu had a bad winter? Yukari floated around the shrine, giving it a quick look over, to see spiderwebs, dirt and rotting vegetation all over the courtyard and shrine building. In fact, the plant-life nearby appeared to have become surprisingly overgrown.

Yukari pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation and took a deep sigh. ' _There's no way Reimu has been this lazy, the fairies must have stepped up their pranks._ ' She thought as she crossed her arms. ' _I wonder if that girl has been getting too soft..._ '

Taking in another look at the shrine, she groaned and rolled her eyes melodramatically. Hakurei Shrine was incredibly important to Gensokyo - so it was important to Yukari too.

Seeing it in this dishevelled state was admittedly irritating, so rather than wait for the shrine's keeper to return she decided to go out and seek the maiden instead.

Her quick flight from Hakurei Shrine to the Human Village resulted in no luck, and Yukari was increasingly not in the mood to search the entire village looking for the girl either.

She figured a much quicker solution to catch up with her was to simply ask the shrine maiden's best friend - Marisa Kirisame.

Unlike Hakurei Shrine, The Forest of Magic seemed the same as always in that it was predictably unpredictable. In a place so drenched in dangerous youkai and a thick magical miasma, uncertainty was just the norm here.

Marisa's home in the forest being a dishevelled mess was also the norm, as was Marisa seemingly not being home.

Even so, it didn't take Yukari long to track the magician down, who was gathering mushrooms nearby. Marisa wore a long black coat, and a tall witch hat adorned with a white ribbon as always. Her frizzy blonde hair ran down her back and bounced as she carefreely popped mushrooms into her pack.

It almost relieved Yukari to see Marisa being so predictable, given how irritated she felt about the state of Hakurei Shrine. In her silent gratitude, Yukari decided to be a little less intentionally frightening than usual.

Just a little, though.

"Good morning, dear Marisa!" Yukari waved merrily as she sprung forth from underneath a mushroom Marisa had just picked.

Marisa visibly jolted a little but was able to very quickly regain her composure. She sighed and sheepishly grinned at the youkai. "G'mornin' Yukari, you're gettin’ pretty creative with these gaps lately huh."

Yukari giggled, making the gap big enough to rise out of and sit comfortably on the edge of. "Don't let anyone ever tell you you can't teach an old youkai new tricks."

"You? Old? Whaaat?" Marisa exclaimed in a comedic monotone.

"Now now." Yukari crossed one leg over the other and fanned herself proudly. "If you're going to compliment me, you must learn how to do it properly."

Marisa scoffed and returned to picking mushrooms. "So, what's up with you today Yukari? You're pretty early this year, you need me for somethin' again?"

"Aha, you guessed it." Yukari flopped over and floated on her front, leaning on her hands. "The truth is Marisa, I cannot find our mutual friend anywhere and the shrine is a mess. I was simply wondering if you knew where she had gotten to!"

Marisa raised an eyebrow and scratched her head in thought. "Uh, y'mean Sanae? I'd be surprised if that Moriya Shrine was a mess, it's always so nicely kept!"

Yukari rolled her eyes. This wild goose chase was beginning to become irritating. "Very funny. I, of course, meant the Hakurei Shrine."

"That haunted shrine?" Marisa giggled. "What about it? You're bein' extra weird today."

' _ **I'm**  being extra weird?_' Yukari thought, staring at the girl intently.

"Marisa." she finally decided to ask directly "Where is Reimu?"

Marisa stared back, locking her eyes with Yukari's. Her brow furrowed.

"S-sorry uh... who?"

A carefree but visibly confused Marisa sheepishly rubbed the back of her head.

Despite Marisa’s carefree tone and mannerisms, her words had awakened a quiet, nameless fear in Yukari’s heart - the kind of fear she had not experienced for centuries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glossary:
> 
> Hanami - the cherry blossom viewing festival  
> Danmaku - "bullet hell", bullet barrage, bullet curtain, fire curtain etc. The genre of shootemup Touhou falls in  
> Shikigami - A summoned being whose power is tied to that of its master. Sort of like a witch familiar. In Touhou, a shikigami can have originally been an independent being who made a contract to become a shikigami.  
> Kitsune - Japanese word for fox, but often used specifically for fox-youkai like Ran  
> Tengu - a goblin-like youkai, often anthropomorphic crows


	2. The Incident-Resolving Magician

It took a lot to frighten Yukari Yakumo, to put it lightly. She was a fearsome youkai who had lived for over a thousand years and had seen more than her fair share of horrors, most of which she was capable of committing herself.

So of course, Yukari hadn't noticed that fear in her heart. At most, she probably felt a little queasy.

Queasiness that was easily confused with the grumpy sluggishness that came from spending over three months asleep, and awaking to people incessantly attempting to play tricks on  _you_ , the person in Gensokyo who demanded the most respect.

Even if she intentionally did her best to make herself unpleasant to be around.

If she was irritated, she was an expert at not showing it. She was an expert at barely noticing it herself. She maintained a perfect calm, the same calm she had worn without issue for centuries.

This was just another year of the Gensokyo she loved so much playing tricks on her, tricks that her frustrating personality practically begged for.

Yukari sighed dramatically and rolled onto her back, floating along to get all up in Marisa's face. "As delightful as it is to play games with you two, I'm certain that can wait until Reimu has finished exterminating the troublesome youkai causing a mess at Hakurei Shrine."

Marisa merely appeared increasingly confused. She crossed her arms and tilted her head, staring at Yukari. "I’ve seriously got no idea what you're goin' on about Yukari. If it's just youkai extermination you need though, I can handle that for you as always!" she proudly thrust her thumb to her chest.

Was this some elaborate prank? Was Marisa just determined to keep Yukari on this wild goose chase? The youkai couldn't help but lid her eyes, deciding to mock Marisa in return.

"My... I truly am in need of some youkai extermination today, but I fear you simply won't be able to deliver the sort of performance I'm after. These are some truly ferocious youkai; I'm not sure an ordinary magician like yourself can even handle them!"

Marisa groaned, flopping over forwards and appearing exasperated. "What's with you? If it's not somethin' I can handle I seriously doubt Sanae would be able to handle it. That girl's still too green."

Then she laughed at her own joke. Pretty loudly.

Yukari wasn't laughing, though.

"Listen Yukari, if this youkai job is serious you should jus' be upfront with me about it. The incident-resolving magician is on the case! I was honestly pretty bored after nothin' to do all winter anyways." Marisa winked and confidently rubbed her nose.

"Incident-resolving magician?" Yukari raised an eyebrow. "Ahaha... that's adorable."

Marisa shrugged, looking kind of irritated now. "Someone's gotta do it Ain't you always told me that Sanae an' I hafta work doubly hard to keep Gensokyo safe? Especially since you prefer to stay hands-off if possible."

' _Sanae and I_ '? This prank was really starting to get a little much. Yukari decided that if Marisa wanted to continue running her mouth, she needed to be punished.

She began to float higher into the air, peering down at Marisa from behind her fan. "All right, magician. Then I hope you won't complain if I test your competence to resolve my little incident - without holding back." she grinned at the younger girl maliciously.

Marisa's mood brightened considerably, a huge cocky grin spreading across her face. "Seriously!?" she hopped onto her broom and shot up into the air in front of Yukari. "It's been ages since we had a serious one-on-one, I've been itchin' to show you how much stronger I've gotten!"

Yukari's confidence wasn't fazed. If she wanted to, she would easily be able to seriously maim or injure Marisa.

Marisa was just a normal, hard-working human magician after all. She wasn't like Reimu.

The youkai was increasingly uninterested in playing games, and so hoped to end this unproductive battle quickly. She pinched the air in front of herself, intending to simply force open a gap in Marisa's body large enough to cause significant bleeding.

Sure it would be poor sportsmanship of her, but it would of course be an 'accident' and there would be plenty of time later for the magician and her shrine maiden friend to punish Yukari for breaking danmaku rules.

Before she could do anything though, Marisa's voice bellowed out " _Star Sign, 'Satellite Illusion'_!" she raised her arm into the air and many brightly shining coloured orbs surrounded her, acting as an offensive barrier of sorts and interfering with Yukari's ability to accurately aim her boundary abilities.

Marisa then sped towards Yukari, aiming to overwhelm and ram her with a flashy barrage of colourful bullets.

All the while, Marisa made flashy poses, almost like she was performing for Yukari. She really did love to bring a theatrical element to danmaku battles.

In order to slow Marisa down, Yukari cast her  _Sinister Spirits 'Double Black Death Butterfly'_  Spell Card and surrounded herself with a flurry of animated butterfly bullets.

She tracked the path Marisa made through avoid the bullets and planned to appear through a gap behind the girl in another attempt to quickly and decisively end the battle.

However, almost as if Marisa had read Yukari's intentions completely, when Yukari emerged from the gap Marisa was nowhere to be seen.

Almost through instinct, the youkai shot her gaze further into the sky, and sure enough...

" _Love Sign! 'Master Spark_ '!!" Marisa bellowed with glee, firing a massive colourful laser from the mini-Hakkero she used for casting her most powerful spells.

A predictable turn of events, but one that Yukari was admittedly ill-prepared for speed-wise. Marisa had foreseen Yukari's attempt to slow her down and had turned it around on Yukari.

Not only that, but her ability to dodge and charge her magic so quickly was unlike anything Yukari had ever seen from Marisa before.

Yukari was scarcely able to dodge the heaviest blow from Marisa's Master Spark. "Tch!" The youkai grimaced slightly, caught by surprise.

Was Yukari just sluggish from her long sleep? Possibly, but the longer the two fought the clearer it became that this Marisa was far more efficient, far less clumsy, far more ingenious in battle than any time she had fought Marisa before.

And Marisa was already extraordinary, for an 'ordinary human magician'.

Through the clash, Marisa continued to smile and enjoy herself - loving the thrill of going all out against such a powerful opponent. Even when Yukari began to step up her own game, it was becoming increasingly evident that she would not be able to best Marisa. Not easily, at least.

"Gotcha!!" Marisa shouted, as she spotted Yukari escaping into a gap and caught the youkai reappearing behind her. She was caught a little off-guard though, by the white handkerchief Yukari was flicking in her face.

"I concede, I am defeated! My my, that wasn't bad at all, dear Marisa." she lightly dusted her surrender with compliments. She was truly impressed by Marisa's power, it had completely blind-sided her.

Now though, that feeling of fear and uncertainty in her heart was growing. A discomforting feeling hung in her gut, one that she hadn't felt in such a long time that she did not recognise it.

"Aw man, really?" Marisa flicked the white hanky off her face, seeming a little disappointed. "I was just startin' to get into that too." she sunk back down to the ground on her broom and Yukari slowly followed, lost in thought.

"So uh... this incident. With that old shrine was it? What's up with it huh?"

Yukari shook her head, averting her eyes from Marisa and staring into the sky instead. "I may have misjudged this particular incident." she then remembered to collect herself. "That's fine though, I am still in the information gathering stage. Now tell me, Marisa. Whenever did you get so powerful?"

"I've been gettin' more powerful all this time! You just don't notice 'cause we haven't properly fought since the Spring Snow Incident when we first met." Marisa pouted, resentful that all her hard work wasn't being recognised.

"Some of these incidents get real tough and I can't always rely on you, Sanae or Sakuya to get directly involved, right? I've gotta work my butt off to make sure I keep Gensokyo safe! So of course I've gotten way stronger!"

Yukari fanned herself. ' _This... can't be_.' she thought, as she peered at the ground, lost in thought.

An awful reality began to dawn on her, a reality that couldn't possibly be... real.

"Come with me." she beckoned Marisa to follow her into a gap. Marisa shrugged and followed without hesitation.

The two women popped out on the other side at Hakurei Shrine, which was looking as run-down as at had earlier. There wasn't a single sign of life around the shrine. Yukari sighed as she took in the sight, and Marisa frowned.

Deciding to entertain her concerning theory, Yukari asked; "Marisa, what do you know about this place?”

Marisa blinked, looking to the side at Yukari before focusing back on the shrine again. "Only what you've told me, Yukari. What anyone's told me. A long, long time ago, this place was used as the backbone of the very boundary that keeps Gensokyo separate from the Outside World.

A shrine maiden used t' run it and help to keep the barrier strong... but one day, the shrine fell so unpopular that no one was left in Gensokyo who remembered the name of the god enshrined here.

The god became angry, causing many people to speculate that it had left Gensokyo for good... and after that, it wasn't long 'til the line of shrine maidens tasked to keep this place looked after were forgotten by history too."

Marisa wasn't one for history, or lore. For her to know this much, it must have been something someone had told her.

But this didn't make sense! The Hakurei Shrine was Gensokyo's backbone... if there was no shrine maiden, then who...?

"Not bad." Yukari responded quietly. "And what do you know about how the Great Hakurei Barrier is protected nowadays, without a shrine maiden caretaker?"

"Is this a history test? You know this better than anyone."

"Something like that."

"You told me way back that after all that stuff happened with this shrine, all the Youkai Sages had to become active again. Since then, you guys have been helping to maintain the barrier and shrine, while also researching ways to restore the lost Hakurei God."

Of course, she had had suspicions for a few hours now. Even without her information network, Yukari could easily use gaps to search many places very quickly.

That girl really was nowhere to be found. Yukari just... had to be sure, before she jumped to conclusions.

Yukari's stomach churned. She covered her face in her hand and shook her head. She gripped the arm where Marisa had hit her with Master Spark earlier. It was still stinging.

This was no dream.

Somehow... some way... Reimu Hakurei... didn't exist.

"You okay, Yukari?" Marisa lifted a concerned eyebrow. "I dunno if I've ever seen you lookin' this melancholy before."

Yukari nodded slowly, still coming to terms with her situation. "Do not concern yourself, I merely had a memory of a Hakurei Shrine maiden I knew once."

Marisa relaxed her head in her arms. "What was she like?"

"She was..." Yukari had known many Hakurei shrine maidens, but only the one who was supposed to be here was on her mind at that moment. "She was extraordinary, actually. Extremely powerful, but surprisingly carefree and honest.”

She turned to smile gently at Marisa. "You would have loved her."

Marisa smiled back, still showing clear concern on her face but not sure what to say. "I'm... gunna take a look around." she changed the subject and flew down to the shrine, since they were there already and all.

Yukari bit her lip as questions plagued her mind. She had many potential options, but in this unique situation she wasn't sure which course of action was the safest. Who could she tell? Who should she keep in the dark? Who could she even trust?

Of course Yukari didn't accept this. Not one bit. Reimu was real, of course she was real. No one who could make such a strong impression on Yukari Yakumo could have just been a dream.

This was an incident that Yukari intended to resolve - she just wasn't sure whether or not involving Marisa would be wise.

This Marisa Kirisame. The incident-resolving magician, who was perhaps one of the most powerful individuals in all of Gensokyo.

This Marisa Kirisame, who had never even met Reimu Hakurei.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first attempt at writing a danmaku battle, and my first attempt at writing any kind of fight in quite some time. It’s not amazing, I probably don’t have a knack for writing battle manga series.
> 
> Oh well!
> 
> I hope I at least was able to illustrate how powerful this world’s Marisa is.
> 
> Her back must ache from carrying her team all the time like that.
> 
> Oh, and it should be pretty obvious by now that something is definitely wrong. Removing just one major character from Gensokyo can lead to some very interesting (and sad) things.
> 
> \------------------------  
> Glossary:  
> Danmaku - "bullet hell", bullet barrage, bullet curtain, fire curtain etc. The genre of shootemup Touhou falls in  
> mini-Hakkero - Marisa's magical furnace, a small portable box-like object used for casting spells.


	3. Gensokyo Without You

>    **-Two Weeks Since Waking-**

"And you are certain that this Reimu girl was not just some extremely vivid dream?" Ran raised an eyebrow in concern, as Yukari piled books and scrolls of varying sizes onto the kotatsu.

"Are you certain you should still be questioning me?" Yukari calmly responded, lazily opening a book with her right hand and delicately picking slices of mandarin from who-knows-where with her left. "My dear Ran, you know me well enough to know that I would not entertain the same tired game with you for well over a week. Do not defy me, or you will grow too weak to serve me." she lobbed a slice of mandarin into her mouth.

The kitsune sighed. While a shikigami, her mind was just as independent and free as it had been before she signed Yukari's contract. Still, though she still made her own judgements and decisions, behaving against Yukari's orders would weaken her own extraordinary power - as well as give her Master cause to punish her.

Ran, still visibly concerned, knelt down and joined Yukari at the kotatsu. She placed a bowl of fresh mandarin slices on the table so Yukari wouldn't have to carelessly steal some other innocent's snacks any longer.

"You do not typically take out books from Suzunaan, let alone this many..." she took a book from the pile and gave it a once over.

It appeared to be a modern science textbook from the Outside World - but with notes from Gensokyo residents scrawled all over it. Given that the Suzunaan book renter was popular with both humans and troublesome youkai, it was no wonder that many items in the store's collection had been scribbled on.

"Suzunaan's ever-growing variety of literature has been most helpful." Yukari mused as she flicked through one of the volumes. "I have been seeking potential explanations and possibilities regarding multiple worlds or alternative universes, as well as discerning if any youkai or god would be capable of such a thing."

Chen was poking at one of the books towards the bottom of the pile, so Ran tugged her away so as not to knock anything over. She pulled a long cattail reed out of her sleeve and absentmindedly wagged it in the air for the small shikigami.

"Surely if any youkai were capable of manipulating multiple worlds, it would be you with your boundary ability? I also cannot imagine another youkai would dare pull such a trick on you, of all people." Ran pondered.

She did want to trust Yukari's judgement, but simply couldn't wrap her head around the claim that her Master was suddenly from another reality - after all the centuries they had known one another.

"One would think." Yukari's eyes glazed over, seemingly a little bored by the first scientific book. "Ran, are you aware of the many-worlds interpretation?"

"Not intimately, Master Yukari." Ran nodded slowly as Chen nibbled fiercely on the cattail. “But it is quite widely-discussed as far as alternate universe theories go, correct?”

Yukari nodded. “Put simply, it implies that events with multiple possible outcomes have all happened - but all split off into alternate histories and universes that may exist parallel to our own."

Ran nodded again. "I see. But why try to use Outside World science to explain something that may have originated in Gensokyo?"

Yukari shut the book and returned it to the bottom of the pile through a gap, sighing in disappointment with it before picking the next one. "Simply because I have yet to find any other meaningful leads. In a world with infinite different truths like Gensokyo, researching potential explanations to unknown phenomena must start somewhere."

"You already have my networks and Chen's networks looking for leads and other things out of place. Forgive me, I just have not seen you take such direct interest in an incident in quite some time."

Yukari was growing tired of Ran's doubts. "This Gensokyo is wrong." she declared.

"All the stories told by yourself or other long-time associates and informants corroborate with the one Marisa told me after I woke up, but a Gensokyo without a Hakurei Shrine maiden simply is not possible. This Gensokyo has lied to all of you, and I do not trust the stories it has to tell."

"Then what should I..."

"I need allies." Yukari interrupted "For now, continue to utilise your networks as you have been. I need to decide who I can or cannot trust with my truth."

Ran nodded again, slowly, seemingly admitting defeat for now. She still had doubts however, and secretly hoped Yukari would soon forget about this imaginary shrine maiden and live in reality. "For immediate allies, your close confidants Lady Yuyuko and Lady Suika could surely be of help."

Yukari tapped her fan to her chin in contemplation. It was true that Yuyuko Saigyouji and Suika Ibuki were among the only people in Gensokyo she considered close enough to candidly call 'friends', but she was hung up on a petty uncertainty.

She was, admittedly, hesitant to allow herself to feel at all comfortable in this strange, alien Gensokyo. Being around those she had genuinely fond feelings for could make it difficult to remain objective about it. After all, Yukari remaining as fearsome and brutal as she was became far easier when she limited the number of people she felt any genuine attachment to.

This was part of why she insisted it was Hakurei Shrine, not Reimu Hakurei, that she was so concerned about.

The elder youkai shook her head gently. "I need not involve them. I doubt they would be able to help me in the way I need."

Ran lifted an eyebrow, seemingly confused "And what of Marisa? Have you decided whether or not you can trust her with this yet?"

Yukari, already bored of the books despite having barely grazed two of them, pointed a slice of mandarin at Ran. "Aha! Now that  _is_  a good question." she popped the fruit into her mouth and pulled her parasol out from a gap as she stood up. "I believe I shall go visit Marisa instead."

Yukari sank down into a gap and waved with a facetious smile at Ran and Chen. "Please continue to work hard in my absence."

Ran bowed her head. "Of course, Master Yukari."

......

Predictably, Marisa wasn't home - so Yukari simply peeked into many of Marisa's favourite haunts.

Excluding the abandoned Hakurei Shrine, of course.

Yukari peeked her head out from a gap in front of the counter at Kourindou, an antique shop on the outskirts of the Forest of Magic that Marisa frequented.

"Welcome..." a distracted voice mumbled from the other side of the counter, remaining absorbed in whatever book he was reading.

Rinnosuke Morichika, the shop's half-human half-youkai owner, was quite used to Yukari suddenly dropping by. As a result, he often barely batted an eyelid when she visited.

Accepting that her attempt to surprise him had failed to get a satisfactory reaction, Yukari rose out of the gap and had a quick glance around the shop.

It was empty and silent as usual, though a chair in the corner absolutely covered in curious items did catch her attention.

It appeared to be breathing, especially after a loud, ugly groan seemed to reverberate from it.

"My my..." Yukari fanned herself, amused. "Rinnosuke, whatever have you decorated that chair with?"

Rinnosuke raised a confused eyebrow at Yukari before peering over to the groaning chair in question. "Oh. Marisa." he huffed a smile and returned to his book.

"What a valuable find. Just what I was looking for!" Yukari giggled as she fanned herself. She floated over to the chair and began to playfully pick items off it one by one.

" _Leeave_  it!" Marisa moaned "It's sposed t' help me get over my hangoverrr!"

"She came here insisting that some of my ‘weird antiques’ could help her sober up, and started piling things on top of her head like that." Rinnosuke sighed.

"I couldn't sleep... so I figured there had ta be 'nother way b'sides sleep to sleep off th' booze..." Marisa slurred.

"I told her she really should have gone to that genius doctor at Eientei, but she kept saying it was too far away and that she needed help right now immediately." Rinnosuke rolled his eyes, but didn't seem particularly irritated either.

Marisa suddenly noticed Yukari was the one picking things off of her. " _Yukari_!" she pointed dramatically. "You, you, Yukari! How come y'never turned up to hanami this year! Y'always usually come t' hanami an' drink wi' us!"

Ah... Yukari had missed the spring cherry blossom viewing. Where was it held in this fake Gensokyo? The Human Village? Moriya Shrine? Hanami was usually Yukari's favourite time of year, but she had had more important things on her mind.

"Aww, my apologies dear Marisa. I've just been so busy!" she was of course telling the truth, but she made sure to sound facetious about it.

Marisa, tired of having stuff on her face, jumped to her feet. "An' I'm still mad at you for ditchin' me at that abandoned shrine th' other week! Y'never told me who that 'Reimu' person was either!" she was pouting furiously, her face reddened and a few odd tears gathered in her eyes.

Well, this Marisa would be completely useless. She still seemed more drunk than sober.

"I thought we had like... a thing... a detective duo thing happenin'! We were' gunna solve an incident, Yukari!"

"Ah, we were?" Yukari fanned herself, giggling. "But you looked like you were having such fun sightseeing around the shrine, I could not bring myself to disturb you!"

In truth, once Yukari had realised her predicament two weeks ago she couldn't sit still. She became instantly occupied with gathering information and was admittedly very hesitant to tell Marisa the truth of her predicament at that point.

"Bull!  _Shcrew_  you guys!" the red-faced Marisa grabbed a long crowbar, mistaking it for her broom. "I'm gunna go have tea with Alice 'nstead, that'll help way more than bein' around you antisocial old youkai."

Yukari subtly used a gap to replace the crowbar with Marisa's broom without Marisa noticing. "So you wish to spend time with an antisocial  _young_  youkai instead?"

"Tha's right!" Marisa nodded confidently, strolling out of Rinnosuke's back door. "I'm gunna make you tell me about Reimu next time, Yukari!" she gave one final shout.

"Don't give poor Alice too big a headache!" Rinnosuke shouted after her, then sighed again.

"So, what can I do for you, Miss Yukari?" Rinnosuke sat back at his chair behind the counter, having fun pretending to look professional.

"I  _was_  here for Marisa, but it seems she was indisposed." Yukari fanned herself and turned around to leave, but paused as she remembered Rinnosuke's ability.

"Actually, I  _am_  bored now, so perhaps you'll entertain my curiosity about something.”

She approached Rinnosuke's counter and took off her mob cap, placing it in front of him.

"Nice to finally meet you, top of Yukari's head." Rinnosuke peered at her from behind his glasses, before looking down at the bonnet. "So, you're curious about the name and purpose of you  _own cap_ , is that it?"

"Like I said." Yukari shrugged. "Entertain me."

Rinnosuke raised an eyebrow at her apprehensively, before gently picking up the cap in his hand and giving it a look over.

Rinnosuke's ability as a half-youkai was knowing the name and purpose of any item, but there really wasn't much fun to be had from a simple hat, even if it was the cap of one of the most powerful youkai in Gensokyo.

"It's a mob cap. It is intended to be worn on one's head. This particular one appears to be intended for use by people in the Outside World." he handed it back to her, confused. "Do you want me to make something interesting up about it, too?"

Yukari promptly put the cap back on her head. "No no, that will be all. Thank you for your time, Rinnosuke." and with that, she sank into a gap on the ground and disappeared from sight.

Even for Yukari, this was pretty strange behaviour. But it was still Yukari, so Rinnosuke simply rolled his eyes and finally returned to his book.

 

* * *

 

>   **-Four Months Since Waking-**

Yukari sat alone on the roof of the dusty, ruined Hakurei Shrine, enjoying the warm summer air.

Perhaps 'enjoying' wasn't right. She was visibly frustrated, and thankfully no one was around to see it.

After meeting with Rinnosuke months ago, Yukari returned home and turned the place upside down, hunting for any object with any kind of connection to Reimu. Then she did it again. And again.

She did the same at Hakurei Shrine, searching above the shrine, below the shrine, the shrine's storehouse, over and over again, in the hopes of finding a shred of evidence that Reimu existed.

At first she calmly and methodically went over the shrine’s rooms, but after a few weeks of doing this day in and day out her frustration began to materialise as physical anger and chaos.

The shrine was left in a worse state than when she found it. She cut open walls, she destroyed furniture, she tore apart the floorboards searching for something.  _Anything_.

Nothing. Even with all her gaps, her infinitude of eyes, her network of informants, she could not turn up one single thing.

She had not felt such powerless hopelessness in a very, very long time.

Reimu Hakurei had never existed. There was no Hakurei Shrine maiden. That was the horrible, unfathomable truth of this world.

Yukari hadn't shown it, but Rinnosuke's answer frustrated her too. It was precisely the answer she expected, with no indication at all that she had come from another world.

Perhaps Rinnosuke's talents simply could not extend that far, but she had to try. In the end, the only thing that reverberated in her mind was the regret that she had not carried something of Reimu's with her into this world.

Something that proved she existed. Something to make people believe her. Being around Ran's constantly judgemental and concerned face was already becoming insufferable.

She spent so much time with Reimu compared to most humans and youkai. She had only known Reimu for a decade, but in that space of time she observed and met with Reimu with more regularity than most denizens of Gensokyo.

Back when she took a Gensokyo with Reimu for granted, Yukari never would have thought it necessary to keep something of Reimu's on her person. It would have made no sense to do so, after all. Nonetheless, she was now frustrated that she hadn't.

"Gaaah! There you are, Yukari!" came a familiar, energetic voice from the sky. "I thought I might find you here if I kept checkin'!" Marisa hovered down in front of Yukari on her broom, evidently proud of her sleuthing skills.

"Beautiful day, isn't it Marisa?" Yukari easily composed herself as she greeted the magician. "What brings you seeking out such a scary old youkai?" she asked, though she had a hunch.

"It's been super borin' around here lately, but then I remembered you talkin about some incident to do with this shrine earlier in the year!" she hopped off her broom and sat next to Yukari on the shrine roof. "Y'know, when you  _ditched_  me?"

Yukari giggled. "I told you in Kourindou, remember? I wanted to leave you looking around in your own time."

"Kourindou?" Marisa tilted her head, puzzled. She squinted her eyes and paused for a few moments. "Oooohhhh... you were there that time I was drunk!"

Yukari tilted her head back, smiling innocently.

"I have like, no idea what stuff I spouted back then... so I'll start from scratch. Yukari, I wanna help you with your incident. I wanna know who 'Reimu' is!"

So over the last few months, Marisa had somehow not forgotten Reimu's name. Even though Yukari had only mentioned the name once or twice before their danmaku battle, It had stuck in Marisa's mind.

But Yukari wasn't yet sure that she trusted this Marisa to believe her story. After all, this Marisa protected this fake Gensokyo with her life.

So instead, for now, Yukari fed her a trickle of white lies.

"Reimu... Reimu Hakurei was the last Hakurei Shrine maiden. An extraordinary human, with powers that I feel surpassed anyone's wildest expectations. I had been reminiscing about her when I woke up in the spring. That's all." she smiled weakly.

"What happened to her?" Marisa looked at Yukari with a wide-eyed sincerity. "Was she the one you said I would've loved to know?"

Yukari nodded gently, finding it difficult to avoid feeling melancholy. "She... disappeared. One day Gensokyo had her, then the next... it didn't."

Marisa looked down at the ground, taking in the sad cracked stone flooring. The overgrown trees. This dusty old shrine was becoming one with nature.

"And those youkai you said needed exterminating? By her?" Marisa pouted.

"Just ghosts of the past." Yukari mused.

"There are never any youkai at this lifeless shrine. There are no more gods. There are never any fairies. The only thing left here is the Great Hakurei Barrier itself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, we get a better idea of what kind of life Marisa lives without Reimu around and how similar (but different) everything is in general. The passage of time forces Yukari to come to terms with the reality she faces and she starts to show a frustrated side that she almost never shows anyone.
> 
> In the middle of writing this, Chapter45 of Wild and Horned Hermit came out! That put a spanner in my works, but it ended up being really helpful! You'll see why later.
> 
> Writing Rinnosuke was fun, writing that whole scene was a lot of fun actually. Unfortunately for him though he won't be appearing again!
> 
> Even though it has silly scenes like that this is still an angsty fic. I promise!
> 
> Update 29/04/18: Added some of Yukari's thoughts on Yuyuko and Suika
> 
> \---------------  
> Glossary:  
> kotatsu - a heated table with a blanket covering its sides, perfect for relaxing in cold weather  
> Eientei - a mansion in Gensokyo where refugees from the moon reside  
> hanami - cherry blossom viewing  
> mob cap - Rinnosuke's definition was fine!


	4. The Old Shrine

**-One Year Since Waking-**

How exactly does Gensokyo survive without an active Hakurei Shrine? How can it be properly protected and maintained without a Hakurei Shrine maiden? These were the thoughts that kept Yukari up through the winter - much to the concern of her shikigami.

"Master Yukari, I really must recommend you not sacrifice your energy for this..." Ran nagged with concern. Yukari typically hibernated through the winter. A powerful creature like her who had lived for centuries needed ways to preserve her strength, after all.

Yukari sighed irritably "Enough. Winter is more or less over and I grow tired of your objections, Ran." She was far too driven by her goal to feel sleepy. Ran frowned, but decided against speaking up again.

It had been around a year now since Yukari had woken up in this ‘false’ Gensokyo and she was still unable to detect any cracks in its seams.

She had done abundant research almost without pause, reading Gensokyo history books and family trees as well as books from the Outside World.

Yet nothing. Nothing could explain away the fact that this world should have been impossible. It made no logical sense.

Hakurei Shrine was built on the border between Gensokyo and the Outside World, and served as a cornerstone for the aptly named Great Hakurei Barrier.

There was no way that the barrier and the order of Gensokyo could be properly maintained without a holy priestess like a shrine maiden to serve as Hakurei Shrine's caretaker.

Even  _with_  the Sages of Gensokyo supposedly acting as caretakers for the time being.

"Tsk." Yukari bit her thumb in thought. "So, Ran. The stories I have heard from trusted associates all add up. Even Akyuu's Gensokyo Chronicle is more or less consistent. However... I have yet to discuss this with any of the sages." she vocalised.

"Do you believe that to be a productive course of action?" Ran inquisitively followed up.

"I am not sure yet." Yukari's eyes lidded, clearly displeased with the idea of involving any of the sages in this. "But I would certainly like more information on how exactly the sages have handled care of Hakurei Shrine for all this time."

Ran nodded. "Very well. Shall I set up a meeting between you and-"

"No need." Yukari snapped her fingers and a gap briefly covered her entire body, changing her casual purple gown into a Chinese-style white and purple dress. "I am taking matters into my own hands until this is resolved. Ran, you will shadow me from now on until I say otherwise. Is that clear?"

Ran bowed gently, and the two set out.

......

Yukari and Ran emerged from the gap at Hakurei Shrine, which was blotched with remaining patches of snow from the winter.

The weather was still quite cold, which Yukari was not typically accustomed to. It didn't seem to bother her though, perhaps because she was so driven that she did not care.

"May I ask what our goal is here today?" Ran asked, as she stepped out from the gap and meandered around the shrine, taking in its sad and dilapidated state.

"We are here to fulfil my duty as this shrine's caretaker, of course!" Yukari grinned. "And I believe that means it is time for a spot of cleaning!"

Ran squinted at her Master, trying to hide her exasperation. "Of... course."

She obliged regardless of her weariness and did not expect Yukari's help. Ran snapped her fingers "Chen, if you would?" in order to summon Chen from a gap to assist with this seemingly monumental task.

Ran and Chen were both very much used to doing chores and fulfilling Yukari's occasionally unreasonable demands, so there was very little complaining. In fact, the two were surprised to see Yukari herself helping with the cleaning efforts - mostly inside the shrine itself.

Ran and Chen hummed a little and smiled to one another as they worked, cutting down the shrubbery and clearing up the aged stone path. It was admittedly nice for them to see Yukari distracted by something she cared about too.

Surprisingly though, the peace was short-lived.  
Perhaps Yukari had indeed expected someone to turn up, but this person?

"Phew! I was worried this was going to be boring, but what excellent fortune I have as always." came a familiarly unpleasant voice from outside. Yukari rolled her eyes and headed outside the shrine, to where Ran and Chen were already both highly unimpressed with the new visitors.

Floating above the torii gate shrine entrance on a keystone was Tenshi Hinanawi, an arrogant celestial who had caused more than her fair share of mischief in Gensokyo before. Alongside her was her companion Shion Yorigami, a despicable poverty god who had caused a lot of trouble recently too.

The duo really contrasted each other in a lot of ways. Tenshi's silky sky-blue hair and refined dress-sense clashed with Shion's shaggy dark blue hair and ragged clothing. The celestial was boisterous and rude while the poverty god was usually downtrodden and softly spoken.

Despite their differences, Tenshi and Shion had discovered a disastrous compatibility with one another. At first they simply teamed up to pull pranks and cause misery, cancelling out each others' biggest flaws with a combination of Tenshi's boundless good luck and Shion's inexhaustible misfortune.

Nowadays though they seemed almost inseparable, and not just as prank partners.

Yukari looked to her servants and nodded subtly, after which Ran and Chen promptly vanished through a gap.

"How nice it is to see you, Tenshi." Yukari floated to the Shrine's roof to greet her insincerely "What brings you two to my beloved Hakurei Shrine on this cold morning?"

"You mean  _my_  Hakurei Shrine?" Tenshi smirked confidently. "Last night Shion couldn't sleep, so we stayed up all night talking about if there was anything that I  _really_  wanted to do, now that we're an unstoppable team and all."

Yukari tried to avoid showing any annoyance. She had an idea of what Tenshi meant.

There was an incident around ten years ago in which Tenshi attempted to enshrine the Hinanawi Clan in Hakurei Shrine, by rebuilding the shrine around a Hinanawi keystone.

In the real Gensokyo, Yukari had responded to Tenshi's actions by tearing down Hakurei Shrine to remove the keystone.

It was one of the few times Yukari had seen Reimu Hakurei cry.

Yukari couldn’t help but remember those days fondly, dwelling on the real Hakurei Shrine and its real caretaker. If she closed her eyes she could see it so clearly, with Reimu and Marisa lazily spending time together in the courtyard.

What she wouldn’t give for things to be the way they were supposed to be again.

"Aha, I see, I see..." Yukari nodded calmly. "So you think with that poverty god on your side it will be simple to easily take the shrine, is that it?"

"Tenshi and I are invincible when we're together. This won't be like with Joon." Shion nodded confidently and glared at Yukari with a dangerously unpleasant aura.

Tenshi turned to Shion briefly and grinned proudly, before facing Yukari again. "That's right! Not to mention... I've been itching to get my revenge on you ever since last time, so this is a bonus for me!"

Yukari granted them a falsely pleasant smile. "You both do certainly make an impressive duo, it is wonderful to see you both still getting along."

When Yukari first met Tenshi, she was an uppity spoiled loner who saw herself as greater than everyone she met.

Shion on the other hand used to cause trouble with her plague god sister, Joon Yorigami, though both of them were quite miserable together.

"I-I'm glad you think so!" Shion's mood visibly changed as she beamed happily at Yukari, hugging Tenshi from behind and making the celestial blush. "She makes me really happy, and I make her happy too!"

Tenshi pouted "H-hey! She's trying to wig you out! Don't let her wig you out!" she snapped at Shion, a little flustered. Shion let go, but couldn't help but keep grinning at Tenshi. Tenshi couldn't help but give a flattered smile back.

Just then, a couple of gaps opened nearby and numerous figures emerged from them. Perfect timing.

Ran emerged from the first and bowed gently as an excited Marisa popped out from behind her, grinning. "Heyy Yukari!"

A young girl with long, light green hair emerged from the other gap with Chen sat on her head. Chen was giggling and batting at the snake-like ornament in the girl's hair, but the girl seemed a little nervous. She politely bowed at Yukari "It's been a while, Miss Yukari. Apologies for the wait."

This was Sanae Kochiya, the half-human half-god shrine maiden of Moriya Shrine at the top of Youkai Mountain. She was a diligent and polite girl, but she had the tendency to be a little socially dense.

In the real Gensokyo she was something of a rival to Reimu, but supposedly she was one of this world's primary ‘incident resolvers’ alongside Marisa. Of course, she was also this Gensokyo's only shrine maiden.

"Sanae took like no time at all, Marisa was the one who kept us waiting~." Chen teased as she leapt to the shrine roof and sat next to Yukari. Marisa awkwardly rubbed the back of her head "Comparin' me to Sanae isn't fair, she never relaxes t' begin with."

Sanae gave Marisa a gentle, playful shove and smiled sheepishly. The two then faced Tenshi and Shion. "This th' pest control job Ran was talkin' about?"

Tenshi's eye twitched and she grimaced, her face going a little red. "Pest?  _Pest control_!? Don't make me laugh, you're the pests! Fighting for a hag youkai who stalls for time because she's too scared to fight me herself. Out of my sight, insects!"

Marisa shrugged. "It's true that Yukari prefers to get others to do her dirty work for her, but it's also true that the last year has been way too boring. Fighting with a celestial and a poverty god is just the kind of spice I need to warm me up after that winter!"

"This is so annoying! Aagh!" Tenshi clenched her teeth, snarling at Marisa and Sanae.

"I-I'm sorry T-Tenshi..." Shion whimpered slightly next to her, her mouth and eyes wobbling. "I-it's because of me you..."

Tenshi span around and grabbed Shion's hand "N-no! No no Shion it's not your fault! It's that old youkai's fault." she held a hand on Shion's hair and another on Shion's cheek and ruffled her face like a cat's to cheer her up.

Yukari sat back and giggled as the four of them bantered and began to battle amongst each other. She motioned for Ran and Chen to continue cleaning, as she had confidence they would not be needed to help defend the shrine.

Seeing Ran and Chen calmly cleaning up the shrine frustrated Tenshi even more, but Marisa and Sanae seemed to be handling them with ease regardless.

Perhaps all of Marisa's hard work and focus, as well as Sanae's ability to occasionally cause miracles to occur, made it a lot easier for them to stave off the constant threat of misfortune that emanated from Shion.

Either way, it made for fascinating and entertaining viewing for Yukari.

"What are you plotting...?" came another familiar voice from behind Yukari, as a woman with pink hair in buns and her right arm covered in bandages descended onto the roof next to her.

"My my... Hakurei Shrine is becoming quite a lively party today, is it not? How nostalgic." Yukari mused, her gaze still transfixed on the danmaku battles.

The truth was; this woman, Kasen Ibaraki, was exactly the person Yukari had hoped to see today. Kasen played the part of hermit, but was actually one of the Sages of Gensokyo and was somewhat attached to Hakurei Shrine herself. She just kept it hidden from almost everyone who knew her - including Marisa.

Kasen raised an eyebrow at Yukari suspiciously. "Nostalgic? I'm afraid I'm not sure what you mean."

Yukari playfully patted the roof tiling next to her, inviting Kasen to sit. Unlike Yukari who was sat comfortably in her own gap, Kasen was hesitant to sit on the slightly worn down rooftop. She waved her hand to decline, but did stand close to Yukari to watch the battle with her.

"Kasen." Yukari began as they watched the dusk sky light up with bright and colourful bullets. "Do you know who typically protects this shrine?"

Kasen huffed a laugh, putting her hands on her hips "More of your riddles?" she figured Yukari was just messing with her "All of us, as always."

Yukari nodded slowly. It didn't take much effort to figure out what Kasen had meant. She meant that all of the Sages of Gensokyo watched over Hakurei Shrine - despite their myriad differences with one another.

"Is that right...?" Yukari turned towards Kasen, gazing at her from behind her fan. "Go on."

"Are you trying to start something?"

"Perhaps."

Kasen sighed irritably and continued. "Much like how the Human Village is protected by different youkai factions vying for equal control and influence within it, Hakurei Shrine is protected by us Sages of Gensokyo all grappling for ultimate control over it."

"And 'restoring the Hakurei God'?"

The pink-haired woman laughed. "I don't think any of us are genuinely trying to do that. I doubt many of us even think it's possible."

"Disappointing." Yukari's eyes lidded as she tapped her fan to her chin.

Kasen raised an eyebrow at Yukari again and frowned. "My turn to ask questions. So, around a year ago... you started behaving very strangely. It's very unlike you to want to throw off the status quo in any way."

"Oh? I imagined you would quite like that, dear Kasen." Yukari chuckled as she fanned herself. She wasn't surprised that Kasen had noticed this supposed change - especially if Kasen had been observing Hakurei Shrine so closely.

Kasen was growing increasingly confused. "It's good if you agree things need to change, but whether I'm happy or not still depends on what exactly you're up to..." she crossed her arms and impatiently tapped a finger on her bandaged elbow.

Yukari resigned herself, deciding to go all in rather than pussyfoot around the situation any longer. She would deal with the consequences - because she still had no intention of remaining in this world.

"Having the Sages of Gensokyo look over Hakurei Shrine in place of a shrine maiden is wrong. Not just morally wrong, but literally incorrect. Something about this Gensokyo is clearly nonsensical. Don't you agree, Kasen?"

Kasen opened her mouth to laugh, but paused and contemplated Yukari's words a little harder than she was initially prepared to. She frowned before responding.

"What do you mean...  _this_  Gensokyo?"

"Exactly what it sounds like I mean." Yukari's gaze pierced through the other woman, unblinking.

Kasen was used to Yukari messing with people and manipulating their actions or trails of thought, but something this radical was very different.

Most unnerving of all, Yukari seemed completely serious.

No one loved Gensokyo more than Yukari - even the other sages had accepted that. Yukari's desperation to cling to the status quo even frustrated Kasen at times. For Yukari to speak of 'this' Gensokyo in such an objective and distant way... sent chills down Kasen's spine.

She wouldn't show it, of course. Kasen was used to dealing with this woman's unpleasant and ruthless behaviour, after all. Kasen shut her eyes and responded with a composed calm. "There are issues with Gensokyo... there are issues with every region. What matters most is how you improve and change what is there.

Even besides that, Gensokyo is functionally fine even if you say it shouldn’t be. It is an era of relative peace between humans and youkai factions - so it’s strange that you choose now of all times to take issue with Hakurei Shrine.”

Kasen turned towards Yukari with a cocky grin.

“Perhaps you’re more like me than you care to admit, hm? Perhaps your issues with Gensokyo lie elsewhere... dare I say it, perhaps your current issue with Gensokyo is of the more  _selfish_  variety?"

Yukari scowled behind her fan. She had a tendency to underestimate Kasen, but the pink-haired woman had seen through her and forced her to consider something she really didn’t want to acknowledge.

The possibility that Gensokyo really  _was_  okay without a Hakurei Shrine maiden, and would continue to be. The possibility that Yukari’s concern, her obsession, had been misplaced.

Sure, it wasn’t  _meant_  to be like that, but it seemed to be working and Yukari had yet to find any real evidence to suggest that Gensokyo was in any danger being maintained this makeshift way. If that was the case... then this unbearable sickening uncertainty in Yukari’s gut was something much more personal and difficult to come to terms with.

It would mean Yukari could have no justifiable reason to want to ‘fix’ anything - nothing besides her own selfish attachment to Reimu Hakurei.

She would have to choose between making an entirely selfish choice that sacrificed this Gensokyo, the world she purposed her life around protecting and maintaining...

... or accepting that she would never see Reimu again.

Humans were... so troublesome. Why did Yukari ever allow herself to get attached to them in the first place?

Rather than dwell any further, Yukari snapped her fan shut and pouted playfully, evidently dissatisfied with Kasen's response. Kasen had expected Yukari to respond in that way, and Yukari hadn't expected Kasen to see eye-to-eye with her either.

"Don't you trust me?"

"This isn't an issue of trust." Kasen noticed the danmaku battle coming to an end. As she didn't want to be seen with Yukari by the others, she turned to leave. "I trust that you want to maintain the order of your Gensokyo. I simply dislike you and your stubborn, unchanging world view."

The two exchanged facetious grins - but there lingered a strange fondness that was inevitable when two people had known each other for as long as they had. With that, Kasen quickly vanished from sight, leaving Yukari with a maelstrom of unpleasant concerns.

"T-Tenshi!" A panicked shout could be heard from the shrine courtyard, as Shion helped her slightly battered partner off the ground. Marisa and Sanae looked at each other with proud grins on their faces.

"Aaagh! This is so annoying!" Tenshi jolted upright and scratched her head in frustration, using Shion to support herself. "You grimy earthlings really ruined my fun today." though she was grimacing, there was a hint of a grin in her expression too.

Tenshi and Shion briefly exchanged smiles and Tenshi ruffled Shion's hair, before the two turned to leave. "Watch your back, hag. I'm coming to take this shrine for the Hinanawi Clan sooner or later." Tenshi smirked towards Yukari, and the pair of troublemakers made their getaway.

Once they were well out of earshot, Sanae shouted after them "And stay out!" before relaxing and letting out a loud sigh. "Is it just me, or did they look happier when they left than when they arrived?"

Marisa hung her arms behind her head and winked at Sanae. "No one who goes up against my Spell Cards can hope to leave without being entertained, heheh!"

Sanae sighed again, this time more in relief, before standing up straight and bowing politely at Yukari, Ran and Chen. "Thank you for calling on me Miss Yakumo. There are things I must do at Moriya Shrine today though, so if you will excuse me..."

"Oh, I'll take you!" Chen grinned and hopped off the shrine's roof, landing flawlessly on her legs before bouncing up to Sanae. "Thanks for your help!"

Ran nodded towards the two of them and Chen escorted Sanae back through a gap, leaving Yukari and Ran alone at the shrine with Marisa. Things had quietened down at the shrine just as quickly as they had escalated.

Marisa floated towards the shrine roof where Yukari and Ran were sat, before really noticing just how much tidier the shrine was looking.

"You guys did all this cleaning? How come?" Marisa raised an eyebrow at them. "I know you're s'posed to be watching over this place an' all, but things have seemed different with you lately..."

Ran stared down at Marisa and chuckled. The kitsune then looked to Yukari, who remained silent, and sighed heavily.

"Master Yukari, I truly believe it would be wise for you to tell Marisa about your unique situation." she grinned mischievously, taking a step back. Marisa squinted suspiciously at Yukari.

"Ran, remind me to punish you later." Yukari declared, as she snapped her fan shut and floated down towards Marisa.

"Always happy to help, Master Yukari." Ran bowed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been leaving little hints and running themes on what has caused this incident in each chapter. I wonder if you can figure it out? Either way, the cause may become clearer in the next chapter - that's when things get angsty.
> 
> This chapter is still a little on the lighthearted-side, but its main focus is to introduce a bunch of important characters and establish how exactly this Gensokyo is working.
> 
> Speaking of which, the Sages are important in this story but as we only know about three of them and don't know Okina's relationship with Yukari that well, I've stuck to just writing Kasen. I've also taken some educated guesses with Kasen and Yukari's differences and motives, informed mostly by ch35 of Wild and Horned Hermit. Yukari and Kasen's conversation was really interesting to write and I hope you found it interesting to see more about how Gensokyo works without Reimu.
> 
> Chapter 45 of WaHH came out as I was writing this and it really changed how I wrote Tenshi and Shion. I was really surprised by how conveniently timed it was!
> 
> 30/04/2018 Update: Fleshed out Yukari and Kasen's convo a little!
> 
> \------------------------------  
> Glossary:  
> keystone - in Touhou, a keystone is a holy rock that can suppress earthquakes. Only the Hinanawi Clan can handle them.  
> Danmaku - "bullet hell", bullet barrage, bullet curtain, fire curtain etc. The genre of shootemup Touhou falls in  
> Shikigami - A summoned being whose power is tied to that of its master. Sort of like a witch familiar.


	5. Sweet Dreams

**-Three and a Half Years Since Waking-**

"When was the last time you slept, Master Yukari?"

"Mm..." Yukari tapped her fan to her chin. "Not sure. When I'm focused on something like this, sleep is optional."

Ran tried to hide her concerned expression. "And what exactly have you been so focused on for the past few years...?"

"How many times must we have this conversation, you frustrating kitsune?" Yukari snapped her fan intimidatingly. "It's..." she paused to think, putting her hand to her aching forehead. "This Gensokyo."

"I'll make certain you get a good sleep tonight, Master Yukari." Ran smiled, hoping to somewhat redeem herself in her master's eyes.

The longer this went on though, the more concerned Ran became.

Yukari's behaviours were gradually beginning to fall back into the same schedules and tasks she that had been the norm for her for before she started becoming obsessed with Hakurei Shrine and this 'Reimu'.

This made Ran more hopeful that this had just been some extremely vivid dream that Yukari was fixed on. Unfortunately her master still insisted on pursuing this wild goose chase, even though Gensokyo seemed to be completely fine. She was even regularly involving Marisa.

Ran's power had been waning too. In her sporadic attempts to have Yukari let go of this fantasy and just accept that this is the way things were, she had disobeyed her master more regularly. She had been punished more regularly.

She steeled herself and decided to change the subject and try to ask Yukari what their next goal was. "So, Master... today we will continue to go back over past incidents, correct?"

Yukari nodded and held her hand to her forehead again to recollect their progress. "We have visited many people and been to many places over the last few years. I even allowed Marisa to briefly join me on a trip to the Outside World to see if I could find information on the Hakurei Clan. Nothing so far... nothing strange..."

She winced and bit her lip. Recently Yukari had been claiming that her memories of this other world were slowly slipping away. Ran was sure she was just tired, but Yukari really hadn't been sleeping.

She was showing more physical signs of frustration and irritation than she ever had before, and would sometimes spend hours at the shrine just doing nothing. Yukari would often recite over their recent actions or occasionally say Reimu's name aloud just to jog her own memory. 

Despite her concerns, Ran had not been entirely cooperative. Her selfishness had part of her hoping Yukari really would just forget about it.

"So... as physical evidence has been useless, we have instead been going back over the incidents that Marisa and... Reimu, had been involved in. There must be some contradiction, something that simply wasn't possible without Reimu."

Ran nodded slowly. "That's right. After we go through one more incident, you must get some sleep. Is that fair?"

Yukari waved her hand in Ran's direction nonchalantly as they stepped through a gap to the Forest of Magic "Fine, fine."

......

For once in her life, Marisa was inside her own home - mostly because Sanae was also there.

Marisa had amassed quite a collection of interesting things over the years and her house was a complete tip. Most of the random objects lying around were miscellaneous magical items and curiosities, but some of them were things spirited away from the Outside World that Marisa had mistaken for being magical items.

In a way, Marisa's house was slowly becoming a smaller, less organised Kourindou. She did technically run her own store from her house too, though she had almost never sold anything.

So sometimes, Sanae would come by to 'help' Marisa sort through them and identify things from the Outside World. Really, Sanae was just bored and finding excuses to visit Marisa, but Marisa didn't seem to mind too much.

The shrine maiden picked up and dusted off a sort of rectangular-shaped piece of plastic. "This is a television remote!" she grinned as she showed Marisa.

Marisa squinted at it, then at Sanae. "I... know what a television is. I think. I'm pretty sure that's a magic wand."

"No!" Sanae giggled "You use it to change the channels on a TV!" she playfully pressed some of the buttons on it.

"Oh!!" Marisa excitedly slammed her palms down. "We could take it to Rinnosuke, I think he's got a TV or two lyin' around!"

"Do you have a screwdriver?" Sanae asked as she stared at it. "... Nevermind." she took one of the snake-like ornaments out of her hair and handily used it to unscrew the remote. Then she sighed.

"This thing won't work its magic on TVs at all... it has no batteries. No springs. All the mechanisms have been taken out. It's just a hunk of plastic with buttons in it! How did that even happen?"

"Don't look at me." Marisa pouted. "The kappa know this kinda stuff better than I do."

Sanae giggled, but a slightly awkward pause followed as she stared at Marisa. The shrine maiden evidently had something on her mind.

"S-so Marisa uhm... How's that stuff with Yukari going?"

It hadn't been the first time Sanae had asked. She was a pretty awkward girl and it was obviously weighing on her mind a lot, especially since it meant they hadn’t been able to spend as much time together lately. Unfortunately though, it was just genuinely difficult for Marisa to talk about.

Sometimes she really did want to vent to someone she felt actually cared about her, regarding Yukari's insistence that 'this Gensokyo' wasn't the real one. That both Marisa  _and_  Sanae were supposed to be good friends with this 'Reimu'.

She really, really did want to talk to Sanae about it - but she couldn't. Not even because Yukari told her not to, more because she wasn't sure Sanae could handle it.

"It's... ahh, you know. She's really weird. I'm hopefully helpin' her out though."

"I'll say." Sanae brushed a lock of hair from her face and pouted. "She's been extra weird recently, don't you think?"

"How d'you mean?" Marisa asked, curious to see what Sanae had noticed herself.

"You know like... how she spends so much time at that old shrine." Sanae paused, unsure if she should continue. "Sometimes I... I spot her alone in there... just lying with her face in her arms."

Marisa's eyes widened. "W-whoa like... crying!? Have you been spying on her!?"

"I-I dunno! I dunno..." Sanae blurted defensively "I've just been worried about you and curious, so I... a-anyway it's not like I ever got close enough to tell if she was actually crying. She uhm... she doesn't seem okay, though."

Marisa stared at the ground and chewed on her lip, absentmindedly fiddling with something. Yukari really did seem different the last few years. "H-hey uh... thanks for worryin' about me, Sanae."

The two girls flashed awkward, concerned smiles at one another in another brief moment of awkward silence.

"Excuse us." Ran's polite voice suddenly interjected, as the two Yakumos stepped out of a gap in the wall.

"Ah!" Sanae jerked around and bowed, hoping that they hadn't been overheard. "N-nice to see you, Miss Ran! Miss Yukari!" Sanae was on her best behaviour, because she had an idea of what was about to happen.

Yukari floated into the middle of the room, sat in a gap and fanning herself. "This house is as mystifying as always... Are you ready to continue today, Marisa?"

"O-oh... yeah!" Marisa nodded nervously, shooting a sympathetic look towards Sanae. Sanae opened her mouth to say something, determinedly clenching her fists.

"I-I!" she stuttered "Y-you're about to discuss the incident where the Lunarians tried to invade Gensokyo, right!? I-I was involved! I can help!"

Ran smiled awkwardly at Sanae. "I'm sorry. This specific issue involves only Marisa."

Sanae looked from Ran's polite and apologetic face to Yukari, who merely stared down on her from behind her fan with those apathetic, golden eyes. Sanae opened her mouth to argue, but her arms and fists were shaking, her feet unable to move from being planted on the spot.

She detested being made to feel like nothing but an inconvenience, just inconsequential. The idea of getting on Yukari's bad side though... really frightened Sanae.

Especially since Yukari felt different lately. Resentful. Detached. Despondent.

Like she didn't actually care about Gensokyo at all.

Evidently upset and slightly shaken, the green-haired shrine maiden quietly picked up her things, including the television remote, and politely scurried away through Marisa's front door.

Marisa could physically feel the tension disperse as Sanae shut the door. She shot a dirty look at Yukari, clenching her teeth. "You're real insufferable sometimes, y'know that!?"

"I do." Yukari smiled pleasantly from behind her fan.

"W-Why won't you let her help?" Marisa avoided eye-contact with Yukari. "She's a bit naive, but she's still a good girl."

Ran sighed. "We've been over this before. I pity the girl but it is as Master Yukari says. That girl has already had her perception of the world turned completely upside down once before and we simply do not know if we can trust her like we can with you."

Yukari nodded gently. Marisa sighed heavily and tried to calm herself, though she was still balling her fists in frustration. "So... the latest Lunarian incident, right?"

"Do you remember how it happened? Run me through it." Yukari instructed.

Marisa groaned and scratched her head, trying to think back. "This was a really complicated one... some furious divine spirit worked with the Goddess of Hell to try and drive all the Lunarians off the moon so they could kill some Lunarian Goddess?"

"That's right." Yukari flopped over onto her back and crossed one leg over the other. "But as always, I want you to tell me what  _you_  did. How the incident was resolved."

Marisa crossed her arms and tapped her foot on the ground. "Uh... let's see." she tilted her head from one side to the other. "Okay so... some weird metal spider appeared on Youkai Mountain. It was killin' plantlife and stuff as it roamed around which was obviously pretty concerning.

Sanae was especially freaked out, she said it looked kinda like some space mission thing from the Outside World. She came to get me... and around the same time Reisen came to get me too and told me how alla them from Eientei were somehow involved as well."

Marisa went on to explain that Reisen Udongein Inaba, the moon rabbit refugee who lived at the Eientei mansion, had delivered a special medicine to herself and Sanae. The medicine could be used to briefly make earthlings pure and strong enough to survive against the powerful Lunarians on the moon.

So far everything lined up; Marisa, Sanae and Reisen aimed to fight their way to the Lunar Capital on the moon to resolve the incident. They defeated the moon rabbits sent to help with the purification of Gensokyo...

"...And then we went to the Lunar Capital!" Marisa continued after a brief hesitation.

Yukari, noticing Marisa hesitate, raised an eyebrow. "...And how did you get to the Lunar Capital?"

"Whaddyou mean 'how'? It's on the moon right? We've been there before!"

Yukari pointed her fan at Marisa inquisitively. "Last time you went, you used a rickety wooden rocket powered by Sanae’s ability to channel gods. How did you get there  _this_  time?"

Marisa opened her mouth to respond "Don't you remember!? We-..." but fell quiet. She put a finger to her chin and stared at the ceiling. "Uhh... you know what? I'm not actually sure. Maybe Sanae or Reisen would know?"

Yukari's eyes widened slightly with intrigue. She stared intently at Marisa. "Don't you think you would remember the time between fighting those moon rabbits and arriving at the Lunar Capital? Isn't that... quite  _important_?"

"Sh-shut up!" Marisa snapped, scratching her head irritably. "I dunno! I remembered everything else you asked me to talk about so why is  _this_  a big deal!?"

Yukari's wide-eyed intrigue grew into a sharp grin. She rose to a stand from her gap and giggled, her giggle becoming a cackle.

"Ufufufu... ahahahaha! Ahahahahahaha!!"

She shot a look at Ran, who remained silent and looked back at her with a visible confusion. Ran's lost expression only made Yukari laugh harder.

"Wh-what..." Marisa squinted at Yukari. "You makin' fun of me?"

"Ahahaha! Aha _hahahahaHAHAHAHAHA_!!" Yukari continued to laugh increasingly loudly, as if years' worth of built up laughter was being released at once.

Marisa had never heard her laugh like this. She looked to Ran, who was trying hard to hide her own concerned expression.

"Ahahaha! Oh! This is  _perfect_!" Yukari's frenzied laughter finally calmed slightly. She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye and chuckled slightly, then crossed her arms and regained her composure.

"Aahh... Finally.  _Finally_. Ufufufu..." Yukari couldn't help but chuckle again. She took a deep sigh and returned to the conversation. "I knew it, there truly is something wrong with this Gensokyo. It was never just me..."

' _It was never just about Reimu._ ' she repeated in her mind, more convinced than ever that she was right.

"Wh-whaddyou mean, Yukari..." Marisa squinted at her, almost hesitant to interrupt Yukari's train of thought.

"You not being able to remember this is quite significant indeed..." Yukari turned to Ran. "Do you know why, Ran?"

Ran bit her lip, staring exasperatedly back at Yukari. "No. I do not."

Marisa didn't know. Ran didn't know. Was Yukari the only one who did? "I am of course, speaking about th-..." Yukari hesitated, as if her mind had hopped right over the point she was trying to make - like skipping a faulty part of a music record.

"The what?" Marisa raised an eyebrow.

Yukari pressed a thumb to her forehead and pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "That... That woman..." Yukari grimaced, letting off a malicious aura. "Ran, you must remind me to pay a visit to a mischeivious blue-haired baku later."

"Baku?" Ran nodded slowly. "That sounds familiar, I shall remember."

"For now." Yukari grinned. "Please tell me about the rest of the incident, Marisa."

Yukari's intimidating laughter still weighed on Marisa's mind. Something had had a serious effect on Yukari, and it was something completely unknown to Marisa.

"Hey, Yukari... was Reimu involved in this incident in the Gensokyo you came from?"

"That's right."

"R-right." Marisa awkwardly rubbed her elbow. "Of course. You said she was my best friend... that we were inseparable... we solved every incident together, we did everything together."

Yukari nodded.

"I would have loved her?"

"Feeling nostalgic?"

"I dunno... it's surreal to think about bein that close to someone I've never met. It makes me feel kinda lonely."

Yukari grinned playfully at the magician. Part of her hoped that somehow, some way, someone besides herself would remember Reimu eventually.

Especially since she so strongly resented coming to terms with the possibility that Reimu was driving her more than Gensokyo itself was.

Especially since it seemed like her own memory of Reimu was beginning to fade.

* * *

 

**\- Six Years Since Waking -**

"Ghhh..." Tenshi picked her hat off the ground and popped it back onto her head. "Again?" she then walked up to Shion and offered her a hand.

"I guess I don't really need Sanae's help to beat you two after all!" Marisa grinned confidently, rubbing her nose with her finger. "Can you handle 'em from here Yukari? I really gotta go help with cherry blossom viewing party stuff over at Moriya Shrine."

Yukari nodded. "Yes, yes. Your assistance is appreciated."

"You gonna be there?" Marisa smirked at the elder youkai as she turned to leave.

"Of course~." Yukari chimed pleasantly. Ran gave Marisa a smile and a wave.

"Oi Yukari, you should get some sleep later too! You look awful!" Marisa shouted back as she took off on her broom.

"Master..." Ran giggled awkwardly and smiled sheepishly at Yukari. "When  _was_  the last time you slept?"

"Ahh, I'm not sure." Yukari mused, not seeming too bothered by it. "I must admit though, I am feeling quite sleepy.”

As Tenshi and Shion fumbled away from Hakurei Shrine following their latest attempt at taking it, Yukari paused a few moments to rest her weary eyes.

She almost felt herself drifting off... she really was tired. Her consciousness began to slip into a dark, black empty space.

But there was someone else there.

Someone right in the middle... her head topped with red... Reimu?

No... it was a long red hat. Dark blue hair. Black and white clothing... a tail... Who was this, again?

All of a sudden, the familiar girl's face flashed in Yukari's conscious mind for a fraction of a second, silently mouthing the word 'sorry'.

Yukari abruptly jolted to her senses with a scream " _Wait_!!"

There was no one there. The shrine grounds were empty, save for Yukari and Ran.

Ran huffed a smile and tilted her head, as if she had completely missed her master's outburst. "Everything okay? Shall we make our way to the cherry blossom viewing?"

Yukari sighed irritably. "I feel like I'm forgetting something important... but I'm certain it's nothing a little sake can't fix." she grinned at Ran and snapped her fan shut.

With that, the two headed out.

* * *

 

**-Nine Years Since Waking-**

"I guess I don't really need Sanae's help to beat you two after all!" Marisa grinned confidently, rubbing her nose with her finger. "Can you handle 'em from here Yukari? I really gotta go help with cherry blossom viewing party stuff over at Moriya Shrine."

Yukari nodded. "Yes, yes. Your assistance is appreciated."

"You gonna be there?" Marisa smirked at the elder youkai as she turned to leave.

"Of course~." Yukari chimed pleasantly. Ran gave Marisa a smile and a wave as the magician took off on her broom.

"Will you two be making an appearance?" Yukari asked as she floated towards the beaten up Tenshi and Shion.

"I guess." Tenshi sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. "I still hate your guts, but I won't attack you while we're there. The earthlings must be put at ease by my heavenly and peaceful presence."

Yukari snorted audibly.

"Y-yes!" Shion pumped her fists excitedly. "F-free food and booze! My favourite time of year!"

Yukari suddenly felt a sharp pain in her head and rubbed her temple. Her eyes were looking a lot baggier than usual too, with sickly looking circles beneath them. Her appearance certainly didn't seem to match her seemingly pleasant mood.

"M-Master Yukari, are you all right?" Ran asked anxiously.

"It's just my memory, Ran. There is nothing you can do about it."

"Perhaps being near that poverty god is simply causing your misfortune to worsen." Ran scowled, but tried to hide it from the disastrous duo. "How did those two end up working alongside each other anyway? What a nightmare."

Yukari tapped her fan on her chin a few times. "You know what? I actually cannot remember."

Ran frowned at how carefree Yukari was acting about this whole memory loss thing. If it was only her memories of 'that' Gensokyo, Ran wouldn't have been too concerned - but it seemed Yukari's memory would suddenly lose patches of recent history at random.

"Before you two lovely ladies head out, I would like to ask Shion something." Yukari politely asked the two. Tenshi gently squeezed Shion's hand to reassure her. "What is it?" the poverty god responded.

"Forgive this old youkai for her ailing memory, but how did you two meet?"

Shion's mouth hung open in surprise for a few moments, but she looked Yukari up and down and really took in how unhealthy she was looking. "You... your eyes are looking even baggier than mine, grandma."

"Answer the question, while my mood is still pleasant." Yukari squinted irritably at the god. Shion giggled awkwardly.

"I actually owe you a debt of gratitude, Miss Yukari. When Joon seemed grateful to you, I initially didn't understand why... but it was those tasks you gave Joon and I that led me to meeting Tenshi in the first place."

"You're still gonna let me beat her up, right?" Tenshi pouted at Shion, crossing her arms.

"Of course!" Shion beamed fondly at her.

"Which tasks did I give you and your sister, Shion?"

"Y-you uh..." Shion hesitated and looked to Tenshi in her confusion - who just shrugged. "You sent us to help you clean up some side-effect of the Perfect Possession incident... but I can't remember what that was."

"Come to think of it Shion, didn't you say when you met me that you'd seen another version of me somewhere? What was that again?"

Shion stared at Tenshi for a few moments. "It was like... you, but with less inhibitions?"

"Oh!" Tenshi smacked her fist into her palm. "Oh yeah, it was that  _Dream World me_ , right?"

...

Dream World...

_Dream World._

Something had snapped in Yukari's head.

"O-oh yeah!" Shion nodded at Tenshi "Yukari sent my sister and I to defeat Dream World versions of-"

Yukari was gone. Shion and Tenshi blinked at one another, then looked to Ran, who was stood still with a horrified expression on her face.

"What gives!?" Tenshi snapped at Ran. "Your master's as rude as she is a thorn in my side. Get her to come back here and apologise to Shion!"

Ran bowed deeply at the duo. "I'm truly sorry. Please go ahead to the cherry blossom viewing party."

"It's okay, Tenshi!" Shion tugged gently at Tenshi's shirt. "Let's go!"

......

Yukari's head was screaming at her, thumping and buzzing with pain as she fought desperately to keep those elusive memories in her head. With the minimal control over herself she could muster, she scrambled to pull a pen and parchment out of a gap while bumping all over the place and losing balance.

Chen, who had been woken from her sleep, looked on helplessly. She hadn't seen Yukari like this before. Just as she was about to go find Ran, the kitsune suddenly sprang through a gap to Yukari's aid.

"Master! Tell me what to do!" Ran shouted clearly, grasping one of Yukari's hands reassuringly. The kitsune's palm was sweating from panic, but she did her best to maintain mental calm. "The Dream World, right?"

"The Dream World." Yukari repeated aloud, holding a hand over her aching face "Yes. Ran, something is making us forget. This isn't the first time we've discussed the Dream World in the last few years. It’s all coming back to me... this isn't the first time I've remembered about that accursed baku. Write this down, immediately!"

Ran stared wide-eyed at Yukari for a few moments, her mouth hung open. Her brain was trying to click something huge, it just wasn't ready to comprehend what it meant.

" _Ran_!!" Yukari screamed at her, desperate ferocity in her glare.

"R-right! Sorry Master!" Ran quickly and efficiently pulled a pen and parchment from a gap and quickly scribbled down the words 'Dream World' and 'baku'.

"We need more." Yukari panted, her teeth clenched. She grasped the parchment in her fist as if her life depended on it. "We need more evidence that won't vanish. We can't let it make us forget."

Ran, still slightly shaken, nodded anxiously. She took a deep breath and sighed deeply, trying to compose herself. After a few moments of thought, her eyes lit up with purpose.

"Chen." Ran ordered. Chen, who had been quietly panicking in the corner of the room, sprang up and stood before Ran attentively.

"How are you progressing at leading other cats?"

"I-I'm okay at it... why?"

Ran tore off a bit of parchment and scribbled a few things on it. "Can you do anything with these instructions?"

Chen snatched the parchment from the kitsune and gave them a read over. "I think so... I'll do my best, Master Ran."

Ran snapped her fingers and a gap appeared for the cat youkai to hop through, then she was gone.

The house was cold and dark. Yukari had made quite a mess in her panic. She was still breathing heavily, almost collapsed over the table, grasping her face with one hand and clutching the parchment tightly with her other.

Ran knelt down behind her master. After a brief moment of hesitation, Ran wrapped her arms around her.

"Master..." Ran's voice shook slightly as she spoke. "Y-your eyes..."

Yukari, whose head had finally stopped thumping long enough for her to think a little more, looked back to her shikigami. Her eyes were dark, bloodshot, weak. Her pupils were dilated, and despite her body's seemingly calm composure they seemed to shudder in their sockets.

Somehow, even though they had looked like this for a long time now, Ran had only just noticed.

"What about them?"

"When... when was the last time you slept?"

Yukari turned back around, still clinging to her parchment. "Ahh... I don't remember."

"You didn't sleep through the winter, did you?"

"I do not believe I did."

The kitsune's lips quivered. She bit her bottom lip to stop it from shaking. "M-Master I'm... I'm sorry...!" she clung a little tighter to Yukari. "I’m sorry... I've failed you...! You haven't slept once since all this started, have you!?"

"Mm... Come to think of it." Yukari mumbled. She gave a fatigued grin, almost impressed. "And somehow, neither of us noticed. How curious indeed... We truly have been undermined."

Ran winced and grimaced. A few tears gathered in the corners of her eyes as she gripped the back of Yukari's top.

"My... m-my responsibility as your shikigami, above all things, is to take care of you. Instead I have invariably doubted you. I have repeatedly defied you. I have even been unknowingly neglecting my duty to make sure you sleep through winter and keep your strength up...!

Something about  _this Gensokyo_  has completely compromised my ability to make satisfactory judgements. I have utterly failed you in every regard for the past... however many years it has been."

" _This Gensokyo_ , hm?" Yukari smiled weakly. She turned and gave her shikigami a pat on the head. "Ran, we never did try to find that baku, did we?"

"No." Ran shook her head. "We did not. Not once." she grimaced as she remembered all the times they had mentioned sleep, the holes in history regarding the Dream World, or the baku herself.

All of them ended up being forgotten the very moment the subject was changed, rapidly trickling out through the cracks in their consciousnesses like liquid despite their efforts to hold onto them.

Like a dream.

The kitsune gently pushed her forehead to Yukari's back "I promise you, Master. I promise I will follow your every instruction without question from now on. I no longer place any faith on my own perception of this world of deceit, I will wholly become an extension of your will."

"Was that not your job to begin with? Foolish girl." Yukari smirked, trying to stand up. Ran supported her, but grabbed her hand to stop her from going anywhere.

"Forgive me. Allow me to be selfish just one more time, Master Yukari. I simply beg that you get some sleep... and I beg that you do not try to gap your way out of it. I... genuinely do fear for your health."

Ran had, for now, come to terms with the fact that this world was actively fighting against the conscious acknowledgement of sleep, of The Dream World, and of the baku youkai that controls it.

Yukari finally felt confident that her shikigami believed her - and as such she did not resist Ran's request. Despite the physical pain she felt in her head, she felt a relief that she could finally, fully trust her servant.

She gave the kitsune a listless, but sincere smile.

For perhaps the first time in about nine years, Yukari laid down in her bed and closed her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens! or maybe this is the plot heading towards a climax? either way, I hope you like angst.
> 
> I’ve never been particularly attached to Ran as a character, but writing them in this situation has really endeared me to their relationship. It’s been really interesting to explore it. Marisa and Sanae's friendship has also been interesting to write, and if you like interaction between them you'll love (or hate) the next chapter
> 
> I considered splitting this long chapter into two, but considering this chapter is vaguely focused on one thing I decided to keep it the same. The next chapter will be split in two though.
> 
> \-------------------------------  
> Glossary:  
> Shikigami - A summoned being whose power is tied to that of its master. Sort of like a witch familiar.  
> Kitsune - Japanese word for fox, but often used specifically for fox-youkai like Ran  
> Eientei - a mansion in Gensokyo where refugees from the moon reside  
> Kappa - an imp-like youkai that typically lives in rivers or other bodies of water. In Touhou, kappa are also tinkerers who love to make gadgets a little more modern than Gensokyo's general technology level  
> Lunarian - Denizens of the moon. Powerful beings free of any impurities.  
> Baku - A chimera-like youkai that eats dreams. While not usually a powerful youkai, in Touhou a baku has significant control over dreams and the Dream World domain.


	6. Night Falls ~ Evening Star (Part 1)

Sunlight streamed through the windows of Yukari's room, where she lay restless and awake.

Despite her various attempts to get up throughout the night, that faithful shikigami had made sure she stayed in bed. Trying to make sure Yukari slept was the one thing that Ran had forced herself to remember. She refused to let herself forget again.

Though Yukari was able to rest her eyes, she was fairly certain she hadn't actually slept a wink. Perhaps in this Gensokyo, it simply wasn't possible for her to sleep.

Still, lying down in the dark with her eyes shut and the peace of mind that came with finally having proof that  _she was right_  had done wonders for Yukari's spirits and energy. By the time Ran had finally relaxed Yukari's bed arrest and made breakfast, the elder youkai's physical health had already seen a significant improvement too.

The women briefly shared a genuine, relaxed exchange of smiles. Something that was rare for them. They both knew, however, that whatever came next would not be easy.

"I plan to act as soon as possible." Yukari broke the silence after she had finished eating. What she was acting on she was not sure, but surely it wouldn't take long for everything to unfold.

After all, the pieces had already been set in motion.

"What were we doing, again?" Ran awkwardly rubbed the back of her head. "I have forgotten everything about our conversation last night, besides trying to make you sleep..."

"Where is Chen?" Yukari said, as she scanned the messy living area for potential clues. She picked up a piece of parchment that had its corner torn off, but the parchment was blank.

"Oh!" Ran nodded and stood up. "That's right, I set her a task last night. Come, we shall go to her."

Without hesitation, both women stepped through a gap. Being Ran's shikigami, locating Chen was second nature to the kitsune. Within moments, the two were stood outside the Suzunaan book renter in the Human Village.

"Out out out  _OUT_!!" yelled a girl's voice from inside the store, as a barrage of feral cats scarpered out its front doors, pages scattering behind them. Among the cats was Chen, a pesky grin plastering her face.

An exasperated-looking young girl with hazel-red hair in pigtails chased Chen out of the store. She looked so angry that she could cry, as Chen bounced to hide behind Ran.

"Good morning, Little Kosuzu. Apologies if my pet cat gave you any trouble!" Yukari grinned and waved at the young girl, Kosuzu Motoori.

Kosuzu was the current proprietor of Suzunaan. She was a surprisingly stubborn human girl who had somehow become acquainted with numerous youkai.

The shopkeeper grit her teeth. "Cat!? That's a youkai, not a cat!" she then took a deep sigh. "They made such an awful mess... and your youkai friend there is my primary suspect!"

Ran raised an eyebrow then looked back to Chen, giving her a gentle bat on the head. "O-ow! Hey! I just did what you told me to!"

"Shh!" Ran shoved Chen into a gap, clearly having forgotten what exactly she had instructed Chen to do the previous night. She than bowed deeply to Kosuzu. "Please, I apologise profusely for my shikigami's awful behaviour! May I ask what exactly she has done? I will take full responsibility until the issue is resolved."

Kosuzu beckoned the two to follow her into the shop, where there were books and torn pages strewn about everywhere. "My my!" Yukari giggled in delight.

"Those weird cats and that troublesome youkai were making a mess in here all night... somehow I didn't notice until this morning, even though I wasn't able to sleep a wink." Kosuzu wandered the aisles of book shelves and gave them a once over.

"It's really weird, but I've noticed that the cats only targeted books with titles starting with... let's see... A, D, E, M and R." the girl tapped her chin. "What does that even mean?"

Ran briefly tapped her own chin as she ran a series of potential anagrams through her head, almost like a computer.

"Aha!" Yukari and Ran exclaimed and pointed to each other at the same time. "Well done, Ran. Well done indeed!" Yukari chuckled. "We were going to search out that troublesome baku, were we not?"

"H-hey Yukari!" Kosuzu marched up to the gap youkai. "Your friend there said she would take responsibility for the mess those cats made, remember?"

Yukari bent down slightly and affectionately pinched Kosuzu's cheek. "You truly have become quite fearless! But don't you see, little Kosuzu? This is all just a dream... That's why you still have the appearance of a young teen, even though I haven't seen you in over five years..."

"A... dream? This is a dream?" Ran stared at Yukari, wide-eyed.

"I don't care about whatever weird shenanigans you’re involved in, this frustration feels real enough to me! Those books are all really valuable!" Kosuzu squinted at Yukari, seemingly skipping over Yukari's comment on her age "Excuses like that won't work on me."

Ran sighed and huffed a smile "Master Yukari, please go right ahead without me. It won't take me long to resolve this and catch up." she nodded to her master.

Yukari, fairly satisfied with her trusted shikigami's proposal, condescendingly ruffled Kosuzu's hair and turned to leave.

......

"Dreams are a complex art of the mind, so anything the brain is capable of is possible in a dream, too. Understand?" Yukari explained to Marisa, who was looking increasingly frustrated. They were stood outside Marisa's house.

"So you're sayin' the reason we still feel pain and experience the passage of time 'n' stuff in this 'dream' is because some youkai with power over dreams can even tell our brains that we feel that stuff?" she gripped her own arm, frowning. "Whose dream is this even s'posed to be?"

"Mine, possibly. I seem to be the only person who remembers Reimu, after all." Yukari shrugged. "But if not, it does not matter. This dream still has to end."

"An' you can't even prove this baku is really real, because you can't seem to access this ‘Dream World’?"

"That's... correct." Yukari heaved her shoulders and sighed irritably. "I cannot gap into the Dream World at all, which merely makes this even more suspicious. I have plenty of evidence that she is the culprit behind this years-long incident. This false Gensokyo."

"You're... tryin' to convince me about this 'Dream World', a place that might not even exist, all so you can go back to this 'Reimu', huh? You'd destroy the Gensokyo you love so much for a single person?" Marisa clenched her fists and bit her lip before continuing.

"No. Nope. I just don't get it! You've never been the type to care about anyone before, so why start now!?"

Yukari frowned at Marisa's judgemental tone, though it was unsurprising that Marisa felt that way. She was right, after all. Yukari never showed that she cared about anyone - a distant personality she chose for herself.

"This is for the sake of the real Gensokyo, the Gensokyo I  _truly_  love." the youkai said, before wearing her sweetest smile "And Reimu is your best friend, Marisa. This is the only way for you to finally reunite with her."

Yukari still refused to show how much she wanted to see Reimu again herself. She made it more about Gensokyo. She made it more about Marisa. Anything to maintain that facade of emotional distance.

"No, stop sayin' that! She's  _not_  my best friend!" Marisa snapped, growing red in the face. "I've never even  _met_  her! Why should I value the life of a friend who doesn't even exist over the home I grew up in, the Gensokyo I've loved my whole life!?"

The magician scratched her head in frustration, then stomped her foot and pointed her broom at Yukari threateningly. "We can't all be all emotionally detached from life like you can, you apathetic freak! Unlike you, I can't just wake up one day and accept that my entire life has been a lie!!"

"Wake up one day?" Yukari teased, pointing her fan mockingly back at Marisa. "Are you sure you even 'woke up' today at all?"

Marisa hesitated and clenched her teeth, her brow furrowed in anger. "Sh-shut up! Shut up! Stop playin' tricks with my head, I can't trust you!"

Yukari, growing impatient with Marisa's arguments, sighed loudly at her. "Listen to me, Marisa Kirisame. This is not reality, this is not our Gensokyo. You have assisted me for years, why not help me finally put an end to this tiresome incident?”

Marisa slammed the stick of her broom to the ground, firming her stance " _No_! No. You know what!? I entertained you for all these years because I thought maybe I really would get to see another world, or maybe you’d finally recognise how reliable and strong I've grown. But after everything, after almost a decade of chasin' phantoms with you, you wanna just destroy Gensokyo and kill everyone in it including me!?

Why can't you just accept the reality right in front of you! That there  _is_  no Hakurei Shrine maiden, that  _I'm_  the strongest human in Gensokyo!?"

Disappointment decorated Yukari's visage, her golden glare turning cold and resentful as she looked down on Marisa. Marisa glared right back, tears building in her eyes.

"Oh dear... here I thought you were actually one of the smart ones... but I suppose I must have been misjudging you all these years. It's too bad, but I sincerely do not have time for this any longer."

"Hmph! That makes two of us, you stubborn hag youkai!" Marisa scowled. Furious, she span around and hopped on her broom, speeding out of sight just as Ran returned.

"Was that...?" Ran glanced after the magician, already a speck in the distance. "Was she crying?"

Yukari pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration and shook her head as she opened a gap. "Yes. But it's too late to worry about her becoming our enemy. The sooner we act the less time our foes will have to prepare - we must set out immediately."

Ran nodded, following Yukari through the gap without hesitation.

"How very kind of you to help that dream Kosuzu with her books, knowing that none of this will matter a few hours from now." Yukari mused to Ran as they emerged at Hakurei Shrine.

"To Kosuzu, this is reality." Ran responded calmly. "The one she has always known. It is the same for Marisa. Whoevers' dream we are supposedly entrapped in has an extremely thorough working knowledge of Gensokyo indeed."

Yukari's eyes glazed over for a moment as she felt a tiny twinge of guilt. "Quite."

Ran approached the torii gate at the foot of Hakurei Shrine and stroked its aged paint fondly. Then she braced herself for what was likely to come. "So...  since you could not access the Dream World at all, then your plan..."

The gap youkai nodded solemnly at her.

"We will destroy the Hakurei Shrine. We will destroy the Great Hakurei Barrier. We will destroy Gensokyo."

Ran frowned and clenched her fist wistfully, but steeled herself. She understood. She trusted Yukari more than she trusted herself. She had fully relinquished her will to her master and was prepared to die to follow this through.

Chen was pacing around, trying to hide how increasingly anxious and jittery she was becoming after hearing Yukari and Ran's foreboding conversation. Then she was trembling. Then her eyes quietly welled up with tears.

"S-so so so..." she stuttered "So when the Great Hakurei Barrier is gone, the Outside World will discover Gensokyo... a-and us youkai born from the irrational fears of humans could go e-extinct?"

Yukari opened her mouth to candidly confirm Chen's suspicions, but caught Ran's sympathetic expression and decided against it. Even though neither Chen nor Ran were real, something about this still tugged at Yukari's usually distant heart.

"Normally... yes, that would happen." Ran knelt down next to Chen and stroked her head. "But Yukari and I have a plan to save Gensokyo... this sounds scary, but it will just be like waking up from a really bad dream. I promise."

Yukari nodded and continued. "The idea is to make the dream youkai panic by pressuring it into a situation where its own existence would typically be threatened. This would likely cause whatever power it has over the dreamer to weaken, and the dream would finally end.”

"A-are you sure?" Chen wiped her face with her sleeve, trying to have faith in her masters.

It wasn't common for Yukari to see any of her close associates or servants showing fear... but this was hardly a common situation. Even Yukari's own stomach had churned more over the past decade than it had in centuries, and Chen had quite a child-like mind. Of course she would be frightened.

Yukari nodded, smiling warmly at the cat. "Of course!" she half-lied. "We've already seen through that youkai's game after it messed up with little Kosuzu's age, as well as the fact that Ran had so quickly forgotten the orders she gave you. It's thanks to you that we were able to solve the baku's riddle, clever girl."

Chen, still shaking slightly, nodded and tried her best to wear her strongest and most confident grin as Ran stood up and turned to Yukari again.

"Thank you, Master." the kitsune smiled, genuinely grateful for Yukari's unusual and frankly unnecessary show of compassion. "How are we going to do this, then?"

"I am one of the Barrier's original architects, it will not be difficult for me to dismantle." Yukari calmly explained. "As for destroying Hakurei Shrine, I was hoping to have the help of Marisa's sheer firepower. Instead, we may have to..."

"Fight me first, is that what you were about t' say?" came the confident cry of Marisa, soaring in on her broom with a fierce expression.

Yukari chuckled from behind her fan, floating in her gap to greet Marisa. "I was hoping to avoid it - but yes, I shall fight you if I must."

"Y'don't have to bother fightin' me if y'don't want to!" Marisa snarled proudly, giving the youkai a cheeky wink. "I already called for backup, so there's no way you're gonna lay even a dent in this shrine against all of us!"

The gap youkai sighed dramatically and rolled onto her back. "It truly is a shame that you must be so short-sighted... I really could have used the help of such a powerful human. Instead... I shall have to go all out."

"Shut up!" Marisa bellowed as she began firing off danmaku against Yukari "I'm sick 'n' tired of your transparent manipulation tactics,  _and_  your attitude!"

Yukari, this time more serious than she had ever been in a danmaku battle against a human before, furrowed her brow in focus as she prepared her worst.

* * *

"What's gotten you in such a fuss, dear Sanae?" asked Kanako Yasaka, the venerable wind goddess and primary resident deity of Moriya Shrine.

She was a tall and well-built woman with moderately short, dark blue hair and fierce red eyes that matched her mirror-emblazoned red dress. Contrasting her fearsome presence, she calmly drank tea as her shrine maiden dashed around in a panic.

Sanae appeared exasperated, having to hold herself back from snapping "Like I-!" she stuttered "...Like I just said, Lady Kanako. That gap youkai is apparently planning to destroy Gensokyo and it seems like Marisa m-might actually want to help her." she took a deep, sharp breath in as she continued pacing around while clutching her gohei.

"Start from the beginning." Kanako instructed calmly. "Join me for tea. Why exactly does Yukari plan on destroying Gensokyo?"

Despite her intentions, Kanako's calm intonation only made the young shrine maiden more anxious. "Apparently this Gensokyo isn't real, it's just some dream. I don't have time to join you, Lady Kanako. I absolutely have to go stop them, even if you won't help me!"

"You plan on fighting against Yukari and Marisa?"

"I have no choice! Gensokyo is my home too!" Sanae bit her lip and clenched her gohei tighter. "I-I feel like I've only just gotten used to life here, and suddenly they want to take that away!? I c-can't handle it! It's not fair! It's not fair on anyone!!"

"Sanae..." the goddess spoke in mellow tones as she continued to try and calm her priestess. "While you have grown comfortable to life here, you are still vulnerable to recklessness. Have you stopped to genuinely consider the possibility that this could be a dream?"

Sanae span around and scowled at Kanako, her eyes filling with tears, distraught that the god she trusted so much could even entertain such a horrific thought.

"How could this be a dream? How could it!?" her voice escalated "Why don't  _you_  think about it? I feel physical pain even when I grip my gohei too hard. My heart cries with loneliness and fear at the thought of being betrayed by Marisa, my stomach churns with uncertainty, I honestly want to curl into a ball and die!"

Sanae took another deep, noticably shaky breath and tightened her grip on her gohei again. "But my loved ones will not listen to me, or help me. So... I must either suck up my loneliness, or allow all the youkai and gods who live here to face a potentially apocalyptic situation. I'm not okay! But someone  _has to be_!"

Kanako heaved her shoulders, gazing at Sanae with gentle melancholy. "I understand your frustration, my dear... but-"

"You don't understand at all! You never could!" she screamed, her voice cracking as her desperate panic worsened "Marisa was the only person my age I had! She's been all I've had, all these years, and suddenly this!? I can't... I won't, I refuse to lose her  _or_  Gensokyo to that reprehensible youkai's grand delusions!"

Kanako couldn't help but wince. Her heart twinged slightly to hear Sanae vocalising her loneliness like this, but she stared the girl in the eyes earnestly and spoke with clarity. "Listen to me Sanae, what were we doing before this conversation began?"

"...I don't know. I can't remember. What does that mean?"

"And... when was the last time you slept?"

"I. Don't.  _Know_!" Sanae was red in the face, tears tumbling down her cheeks. "Even  _you_  won't listen to me! I don't have time for this!" She span around on the spot and dashed outside.

While instinctively sombre for Sanae, Kanako remained calmed. She sipped tea peacefully at the now much quieter Moriya Shrine. It was, perhaps, eerily quiet.

"This Gensokyo's winds are so stagnant and dull... Whoevers' dream this is has far too basic an understanding of nature's beautiful whimsy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is.. the climax.. maybe? Getting to write Kosuzu was very fun, originally I didn't intend on using her so I'm glad I had the chance to.
> 
> Evidently, this and the next part were originally one part but that woulda been too long.
> 
> Making it a cliffhanger like this works well. After all, Sanae seems to think Marisa wants to help Yukari - why is that?  
> The next chapter will be up within the next week, you won't have to wait long to find out what happens!
> 
> \-----------------  
> Glossary:  
> Shikigami - A summoned being whose power is tied to that of its master. Sort of like a witch familiar.  
> Kitsune - Japanese word for fox, but often used specifically for fox-youkai like Ran  
> Baku - A chimera-like youkai that eats dreams. In Touhou a baku has significant control over dreams.  
> Gohei - A wooden wand used in Shinto rituals by a shrine maiden. Its usual purpose is cleansing, blessing and exorcism. In Touhou, Reimu and Sanae both use gohei as weapons for youkai extermination.


	7. Night Falls ~ Evening Star (Part 2)

Yukari and Marisa hovered towards the ground, the both of them battered, bruised, and panting heavily. A small but notable blood stain dampened the sheer white arm of Yukari's dress. Marisa boisterously spat a little blood from her mouth, before wiping her chin with her sleeve.

"Man... man oh man..." Marisa tried to catch her breath "I've never seen you fight this hard b'fore, Yukari... I've never seen you this driven."

The youkai winced, as the possibility that she could be defeated briefly crossed her mind. "Of course. I am correct after all. I would not expect a mere human to understand... no matter how powerful she may be."

Yukari held out her right hand and gently pinched the air, opening a gap mere inches away from Marisa's neck. Marisa, unfazed, continued to grin and stare at Yukari. She really was having fun, despite... everything.

"Marisa..." Yukari snarled "I would not hesitate to sever your little blonde head clean off, if it meant achieving my goal."

The magician remained composed and confident. "Heh. Heheheh. Naw, I'm starting to think you couldn't kill me even if you wanted to." she locked her own yellow eyes with Yukari's golden ones. "You... you actually  _care_  about me, don't you?"

Yukari glared back, grimacing. She clutched her gut, which was swirling with both physical pain and a myriad of unwanted, inconvenient feelings.

Despite her confident mannerisms, Marisa's legs were shaking too. She buckled to the ground, seemingly too weak to continue fighting.

"You came to this world bein' all, Reimu this... Reimu that... but ended up getting attached to a 'dream Marisa'. That's pretty cute." she continued to splutter as blood leaked from her mouth.

"What are you doing? Stalling for time?" Yukari rolled her eyes and turned around, noticing that Marisa was probably too weak to stop them now. "Ran, I order you to begin, we cannot wait any longer."

"Why won't you just give up on this Reimu thing!?" Marisa shouted after her "Why can't you focus on the reality of the Gensokyo here, right in front of you!?"

Yukari turned towards Marisa once more, frowning, exasperated. Despite the pain she felt, she stood tall over the younger girl. This was the end-game, and she no longer cared for half-truths. She was too tired for that.

"Because I love Reimu, Marisa." she declared with a candid confidence. "I could debate all day about all the evidence I have on the truth of this Gensokyo's facade, but even if I couldn't? I would persevere.

Because I love Reimu.

Because both of us love Reimu.

Because Gensokyo loves Reimu."

Maybe it was painful to love humans, but as long as there were humans like Reimu and Marisa out there, Yukari found it hard to truly regret it.

Marisa's lips curled into a grin. " _That's_... what I wanted t' hear." she chuckled as she staggered to her feet and stood before Yukari. She balled her fists as tears filled her eyes. "I think now... I won't have any regrets."

Yukari stared down at Marisa, another human she had grown particularly fond of, with an irritated expression not dissimilar to contempt. "If you have something to say, stop wasting my time and say it."

"T' be honest..." Marisa gripped her elbow awkwardly and averted eye contact with the youkai. "I-it's just... whenever you bring up Reimu... especially when you tell me we were close, or that I loved her, I get so frustrated. It always makes me wanna hear more, so I kept askin' about her... I thought about her more and more...

I laid awake at night, unable to sleep, just dwelling. Tossing and turning, thinking longingly and bitterly about a girl I never met.

Nowadays I don't even dwell anymore, I just cry. I can't stand feelin' like I so deeply cared about someone I've never met. I’m not sure you can even comprehend how weird it feels? I seriously hate it, like there's somethin' clawing at my heart, somethin' I know is supposed to be there but just isn't!?"

Yukari blinked at Marisa, wide-eyed. This girl continued to exceed her expectations. It seemed that even in this dream Gensokyo, Marisa just couldn't feel whole without Reimu. Her glare finally softened into a smile, and Marisa's expression softened in return.

"Every time you told me I loved her, I could see in your eyes how much you loved her, too." Marisa wiped her eyes dry with her sleeve, seemingly not caring about the blood smear. "So hearin' you admit that you love her so candidly... I can't help but fully believe in you now."

The youkai smirked and held out a hand towards Marisa "Then help me. Help me shatter this false Gensokyo and uncover the truth to this world of lies. Let us finally see Reimu again, together."

Marisa gave her widest grin and gripped Yukari's hand firmly. "Truth is, I was already leanin' towards helpin' you anyway..." she rubbed the back of her head sheepishly with her free hand "I just really wanted to have one last  _real_  duel against you! But uh... thanks for puttin' my doubts to ease."

Yukari's eyebrow twitched. She found it hard to keep smiling - Marisa really was troublesome right until the end. "All right..." she grumbled "So  _why_  did you call for help?"

Marisa cackled, blood still leaking from behind her teeth. "'Cause I wanted to give this Gensokyo a fightin' chance! As far as they're concerned, it's still their  _home_  y'know?"

Yukari squinted irritably at Marisa before looking to Ran with the same, tired expression. Ran merely shrugged and smiled sheepishly before gesturing towards the shrine gate. "Such impeccable timing as always, it looks like more company has indeed arrived."

"Marisa!  _Stop_!!" Sanae shouted out, her voice cracking slightly.

Yukari and Marisa side-eyed one-another and nodded, as Sanae and Kasen descended at the shrine's entrance.

"You're seriously doing this?" Kasen held out her bandaged arm towards Yukari, readying her battle stance. "You truly plan to unravel the Great Hakurei Barrier and Gensokyo itself? Even you, Marisa?"

Yukari sneered confidently at the other sage. "I somehow doubt the two of you will be able to defeat us both... but be grateful, I shall soon free my beloved Gensokyo from the Dream World’s facade."

"W-we have to  _try_!" Sanae meekly snapped back as tears filled her eyes "Marisa, you have to help us stop this! Please! Why are you listening to that deceitful woman's unreasonable ideals!?"

Despite her evident despair, Sanae's posture was steeled and composed. Both Sanae and Kasen were fully prepared and willing to fight for this Gensokyo. The only Gensokyo they knew. Their home.

"I'm really sorry, Sanae..." Marisa responded, her mind now made up "but somethin's tellin' me that we all really miss Reimu."

......

For all the pomp and circumstance, it wasn't much of a battle. Yukari and Marisa were easily able to fight back Kasen and Sanae despite their own exhaustion, thanks largely to the significant gap in strength between Marisa and Sanae.

Their opponents collapsing to the ground, Yukari and Marisa took a breath. Understandably, they were both heavily fatigued too. "Still green, hm?" Yukari chuckled, joking facetiously about Sanae's strength.

Marisa gave Yukari a pout and shoved her towards the shrine. "Ahhh shut up for a sec! You go start doin' whatever it is you need to do, I'll catch up."

Shrugging and flicking back her long blonde hair, Yukari glided towards the shrine with Ran and Chen.

Marisa approached Kasen and Sanae. She nodded towards Kasen. "You okay?"

"Mm... I'll live." Kasen glanced over towards Yukari as the youkai headed towards the shrine "Or not." she chuckled at her conundrum and clutched her stomach.

Marisa responded with a weak, apologetic smile, before kneeling down by Sanae and pulling her up by the hand.

"Hey, Sanae..."

"M-Marisa..." Sanae stuttered, grimacing slightly as she stared into Marisa's eyes through building tears. "W- _why_...!?"

Marisa smiled gently, staring sincerely into Sanae's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Sanae. I really am." She cupped Sanae's cheek in her hand and stroked the shrine maiden's face delicately.

Sanae slowly clung to Marisa's arm in hers'. "This is so stupid! If n-none of this is real... why do you feel so warm?"

Marisa gently bumped her forehead to Sanae's. "I dunno... I dunno. But please... please trust in me. Trust in Yukari. We have to do this, for Reimu."

"For Reimu..." Sanae squeaked, tears running quietly down her cheeks. "All that stuff with Yukari... was about this Reimu?"

Marisa scratched her face with her free hand. "Well... it was mostly about this Gensokyo makin' no sense, but yeah. I trust Yukari because I believe in my gut that Reimu exists, 'n' that we all really care about her."

Sanae opened her mouth to argue, but nothing came out. She hugged Marisa's arm a little tighter, leaning her damp face into Marisa's hand and sobbing silently. Marisa, finding it difficult to keep the tears at bay herself, planted a gentle kiss on Sanae's forehead.

"Thank you for bein’ my best friend, Sanae. I love you."

Sanae's voice cracked again, no longer able to hold her cries in. Tears tumbled mercilessly down her cheeks as she gripped Marisa's hands tightly, not wanting to let go. "I-I don't want to lose you Marisa! If I lost you... I'd be so lonely... I'd be so alone..."

"You're not. You're not gonna lose me. We'll be friends no matter what form reality takes, I promise." Marisa stared Sanae in the eyes sincerely. "Look at me, Sanae. Believe in me."

Sanae finally worked up the courage to look through her tears at Marisa's own damp face. Marisa's beautiful yellow eyes had never looked this serious and sincere. It made it difficult for Sanae to truly resent her.

Sanae finally let go of Marisa's arm and threw her own arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug.

Marisa giggled and hugged her back.

"Hey, Sanae."

"Mm..."

"If, somehow, we messed up big time and us humans end up alone in the Outside World after all this... I hope you'll still be my friend."

Sanae pulled an arm back and playfully elbowed Marisa in the gut. "It's too late to doubt yourself now, you moron... you can't just do that after you made me believe in you..."

"Uh..." Kasen spoke up suddenly, a hawk perched on her arm. "I don't mean to interrupt, but I just received word from my friend here that more people are coming..."

"Thank you, Kanda." Kasen muttered to the hawk. She held out her arm and Kanda flew off again. "I should have known it wouldn't take long for the other sages to join the battle for Hakurei Shrine... What will you do, Sanae?"

The three looked towards the entrance of the shrine grounds, where lesser youkai had slowly begun to gather. They must have sensed a disturbance, or Marisa's calls for backup had worked a little too well.

Some servants of the Gensokyo Sage, Okina Matara, were among them as well. Likely a harbinger of the sage's imminent arrival.

Sanae gave Marisa one more squeeze before shoving her away, towards Hakurei Shrine. "Go.  _Go_!" she shouted, as both her and Kasen took battle stances once again.

"Sanae! Kasen!" Marisa shouted after them.

"I want to be on your side at the end, Marisa." Sanae clenched her shuddering fist and turned her back to the magician. "And I want to meet Reimu, too."

"I really don't like Yukari." Kasen chuckled to herself. "But I don't really like Okina either, so I don't mind fighting her and the other sages for a little while. Tell Yukari to say hi to Reimu for me.

And... Tell her it's been kind of nice. To see her finally fighting directly for something she believes in."

Marisa grinned widely, nodding at them "You guys won't regret this, I'll make sure of it!" before rushing off to the main shrine building to join Yukari.

Yukari, Ran and Chen had been carefully dispelling seals and weakening the boundary around the shrine's foundations. Marisa dashed up to them, panting, her voice cracking slightly as she spoke "Kasen wants you to say hi to Reimu for her, and she-!"

"I heard her. I heard everything." Yukari's face appeared briefly melancholy before she turned to glare at the magician. "You took your time, dear Marisa."

After wiping the remainder of tears from her eyes, Marisa confidently shrugged. "There a problem? Not every day you get t' say goodbye to Gensokyo."

The two women stared at one another for a few moments before Yukari laid down her fan, her expression calming into a gentle smile. "Right you are."

"So... what's next?" Marisa asked. "You still need my help?"

Yukari lips curled into an excited grin. "In sheer firepower, yes." She beckoned for Marisa to follow her, and the group floated into the air to get a clearer view of the entire shrine.

The youkai pointed her fan at the shrine building. "It's simple, really. While I envelop this area in a boundary cutting it off from the rest of Gensokyo, I want you to fire everything you have at that dead shrine."

"Huh..." Marisa scratched her head. "That really does sound simple... 's there a science behind it?"

Ran chuckled. "The science is, we sever the foundation of the Great Hakurei Barrier's power from the rest of Gensokyo and destroy it at its source, causing the remainder of the barrier to collapse from this point. Gensokyo will be gradually replaced with the Outside World, and will cease to exist."

Marisa's expression became a little more solemn. "That's a lot more fragile than I was expecting..."

She looked wistfully around her, taking in the view of the endless seas of trees for what could possibly be the final time.

Yukari smiled weakly and joined her. "The Great Hakurei Barrier was designed to be guarded at all times by a Hakurei Shrine maiden... not a warring bunch of selfish and egotistical youkai like us sages."

"I've never heard you insult yourself like that." Marisa mused "This has gotta be the weirdest day of my life."

Yukari giggled. "I would do anything for Gensokyo... but while I might have been a good person once upon a time, I am not a good person any longer."

She look away from the trees and people resembling those she knew, to the pitiful, empty shrine. There were no doubts left in her mind. "What Gensokyo truly needs is people like Reimu. People like you." Yukari smiled earnestly at Marisa, affectionately ruffling her hair.

Marisa looked to Ran, who smiled sheepishly and shrugged her shoulders, then to Chen who was hid anxiously among Ran's tails. She looked over to Sanae and Kasen, who were firing off magnificent barrages of bullets against waves of opponents both god and youkai.

"This is kind of a beautiful dream, huh?"

"Are you ready?"

"Mm." Marisa fastened her hat onto her head and hopped onto her broom. "Let's blow this joint."

Yukari and Ran both snapped their fingers in sync, quickly enveloping the entire shrine grounds in a massive orb-like gap. The sky became so drowned in a deep, dark purple-black abyss that even the sun's presence suddenly seemed like mere fable.

Hundreds of bloodshot eyes sprouted up from within the abyss. All independently blinking, throbbing, quivering. If nightmares could physically manifest in the world around you, they would surely look like this, right?

No, this was simply Yukari Yakumo's terrifying power, the one she had wielded for over a millennia. The one she had used to help create Gensokyo itself.

"Is this what they mean when they say 'the abyss stared back'?" Marisa laughed awkwardly, as chills ran down her spine. Beads of sweat dropped from her forehead and her stomach lurched. Her insides shook with an anxious fear that intensified with every moment. The reality of what they were doing was beginning to sink in.

"Focus." Ran winked at Marisa. "A gap this large takes a lot of energy to sustain... when we next snap our fingers, this space will have been completely cut off from the rest of the world."

"I suggest you fire up that mini-hakkero of yours, dear Marisa." Yukari grinned wickedly, as if she found catharsis in tearing this facade to pieces.

Yes, she was scared too. The lingering shards of her compassionate humanity dwelled on the feelings of those who called this dream reality 'home'.

But more than that she was excited. She would be able to see Reimu again. She would finally be able to trust her eyes, to truly rest, after nine long years...!

Yukari nodded at Ran, and her shikigami nodded back.

"Now."

The duo snapped their fingers as Marisa soared into the air, holding her mini-hakkero skyward with perhaps the most bombastically theatrical pose she had ever pulled.

For a brief moment, the entire world seemed to fall completely silent.

" _Love Sign: **MASTER SPARK!!**_ " Marisa bellowed, with a vocal power that could rival that of a certain youkai punk rock band.

Bright beams every colour of the rainbow blistered from Marisa's mini-hakkero with such intensity that they eventually became completely indistinguishable from pure light itself. The dark abyssal dome they had entrapped themselves in quickly became filled with that blinding light.

"I'm sorry, Reimu... I’m  _s-sorry_...!" Marisa choked, her voice cracking as the weight of her actions forced its way back up the beam into her chest. Tears trickled down her cheeks as Reimu’s home, the beautiful, pitiful, decayed Hakurei Shrine, was engulfed. Slowly but surely, it was fading from sight completely.

Scraps of wood, chunks of stone, glass, everything that was once Hakurei Shrine fluttered away into the non-existent wind like dust, devoured by the merciless light.

Even as Marisa ran out of magical energy and her shoulder recoiled painfully from the mini-hakkero's blast, the light continued to spread, seemingly consuming the world around them completely.

Without Hakurei Shrine, without the Great Hakurei Barrier, without the refuge of Gensokyo, the lives of all youkai and many gods were under threat. This included the life of the youkai who orchestrated this very incident, theoretically causing them to panic and the dream to forcibly come to a close.

Before long, Yukari couldn't even see Marisa anymore. It had become impossible to see more than a few feet in any direction as the fibres of this fake reality began to unravel.

Yukari bathed in the light. She held out her arms, embracing it, feeling reality disintegrate around her fingertips with an almost sadistic relaxation.

She took a deep breath in.

"Hey, Yukari..." Marisa's distorted and disembodied-sounding voice echoed from somewhere nearby. "Did we do it...?"

The youkai gazed to the source of the voice, making out the faint silhouette of Marisa's body. Even the magician herself seemed to be falling apart and becoming one with the light.

Yukari nodded gently, no longer knowing if Marisa could even see or hear her - but still feeling the sentiment was important.

"Yes. We did it."

"Hey, Yuk-ri... Did w- do -t...?" Marisa's cracked voice continued to echo.

"Thank you, Marisa." Yukari shut her eyes to prevent an odd tear from rebelliously escaping. "You truly were this world's strongest, most beautiful human."

As Marisa faded from sight completely and Yukari found herself completely alone, she felt a faint warmth brush her shoulder.

"....ukari..." a different familiar voice called, becoming gradually clearer.

"Master Yukari...!"

A cold wind was shaking her shoulder... wind? She had almost forgotten what that felt like...

"Master Yukari!"

* * *

Sleepily, Yukari Yakumo opened her eyes. Her room was dark as night. Her faithful kitsune shikigami, Ran Yakumo, wore an unfamiliar look of despair as she shook her master awake.

"Good morning, Ran...” Yukari squinted as a soft pain faded from her head. “I feel as though I have had a most awful nightmare."

"Oh Master Yukari... you're awake..." Ran's eyes briefly widened in shock "Thank goodness... Thank the gods you're finally awake..." a weak, but shaky smile spread across the kitsune's face as she stared Yukari in her sleepy eyes.

Yukari's memory was admittedly fuzzy. She could scarcely remember what she had done before she slept, and so far the only part of her dream she could remember was a bright, white light.

She attempted to lift her arm to brush the sand from her eyes, but her arm felt more lethargic than she could ever remember it being.

"Ran..." Yukari murmured, still in a half-conscious stupor. "Whatever is the matter...?"

"You were afflicted by some terrible curse... you've been sleeping for a very, very long time." Ran gently stroked Yukari's hair, her expression increasingly melancholy.

Ran’s hand seemed peculiarly cold.

"How long, exactly... weeks? Years?" Yukari groaned, scrunching her eyes as she tried to slowly move and get up. "Let me guess, nine years?" The number flashed into her head for some reason.

Ran apologetically shook her head. "Nine? N-no, Master." she breathed in sharply, as if wincing in pain.

"I'm sorry... There truly is no easy way to say this, but you've been asleep for over 75 years."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( link to Chapter 7.5, an optional bonus chapter which is best enjoyed at any point after Chapter7 https://archiveofourown.org/works/16066472 - it's not essential to the story, but it fleshes things out a little more! )
> 
> (:
> 
> Here it is, the climax which isn't really a climax.
> 
> I really loved writing Marisa and Sanae’s scenes together, and Marisa and Yukari’s scenes together too. Marisa and Sanae’s last moments together were really sad to write and re-reading it still makes me emotional, so I hope it has a similar effect on others.
> 
> Evidently, the story isn’t over yet.. will things get better?  
> Somehow, I don’t think so.
> 
> \-----------------  
> Glossary:  
> Shikigami - A summoned being whose power is tied to that of its master. Sort of like a witch familiar.  
> Kitsune - Japanese word for fox, but often used specifically for fox-youkai like Ran  
> Baku - A chimera-like youkai that eats dreams. In Touhou a baku has significant control over dreams.  
> Gohei - A wooden wand used in Shinto rituals. In Touhou, Reimu and Sanae both use gohei as weapons for youkai extermination.  
> Danmaku - "bullet hell", bullet barrage, bullet curtain, fire curtain etc. The genre of shootemup Touhou falls in  
> mini-Hakkero - Marisa's magical furnace, a small portable box-like object used for casting spells.


	8. Waking Up II

"... 75 years. 75 years." Yukari repeated aloud. She had no reason to doubt her servant, but...

Suddenly finding the energy to move her arms, Yukari rubbed her eyes in a panic, her stomach lurching with an uneasy dread. It was a feeling she shouldn't have experienced in centuries, but somehow it felt all too familiar.

It wasn’t as if Yukari had never slept for many years or decades at a time - but usually the time period she slept for was planned in advance. Planning to sleep for just the winter only to find that 75 years had passed?

For a youkai who yearned for absolute control over all things in her domain, a loss of control that significant was physically sickening.

Just what  _was_  that dream? How much had changed while she slept? Anxious to find out she tried to stumble out of bed, but was still physically lethargic from having slept for over half a century. "Ran, I apologise to make demands of you right away like this, but could you prepare breakfast and tea? I fear I must be malnourished."

Ran grabbed onto Yukari's hand. "Sorry I'm... I'm not sure I can do that for you..." the kitsune held her master's hand firmly, as if she were scared of letting go.

This only made Yukari more anxious. She began to feel her heart beating faster. "Ran, I'm in a hurry, please-."

"No, there's more." Ran shook her head. "I-I cannot apologise enough Master, but while you were gone I could not help but act in your place at times, even if it meant breaking your rules. Doing whatever I could in my limited power to make sure Gensokyo was kept in balance in your absence."

"Listen to me." Yukari stared her shikigami sincerely in the eyes while her heartbeat uncomfortably quickened “Everything is going to be fine now. I am awake, and I'm going to make it easy for you to restore your diminished power. Then I shall swiftly and decisively punish whoever cast this curse over me."

The kitsune shook her head again. She smiled weakly as tears began to trickle from her eyes.

"Master it's... I'm afraid it's too late. Chen... Chen is already..." Her voice cracked.

Yukari's eyes widened at the realisation that Chen really was nowhere to be seen. She felt her heart slowly sinking into her stomach.

"And I, too... I've acted independently too many times. I'm sorry... I'm s-so sorry..." Ran stuttered as her composure began to slip.

The kitsune gave Yukari's hand a squeeze. When Yukari looked down at their hands, she could faintly see her own porcelain skin through her shikigami's frigid hands.

The hands that held on to Yukari's increasingly tightly were beginning to vanish.

Yukari's heart threatened to be thrown up through the awful, unfamiliar discomfort it was causing her. First she had been asleep against her will for over half a century and now this? It was too much, her expectations and control had been utterly undermined.

This was worse than a headache. This was worse than mere irritation or frustration. This was an inconvenient emotion she had intended to cast aside long ago, alongside the rest of her humanity.

It painfully dawned on Yukari how much Ran loved Chen. How much Ran loved Yukari herself. And the fact that this was painful to Yukari at all meant something else altogether. And now it was now too late to do anything about it.

"Ahh... this is it, such impeccable timing." Ran beamed at her master, tears now pouring down her ghastly cheeks.

Yukari's hands began to quiver, her composure failing her. "Ran!" she blurted after a few moments, as she increasingly panicked and grasped for her shikigami’s fading hands "Don't be ridiculous, you haven't broken any rules!"

She held Ran's hand tightly, which felt like it was slipping away from reality itself. "I forbid you from giving up like this! I  _forbid_  it!"

But Ran was resigned. The kitsune smiled weakly but fondly at her master, as Yukari's eyes darted around the room for something, anything that could prevent the inevitable.

"Master... I'm so happy I got to speak with you one last time before I went."

With her last remaining strength, the kitsune brought her feeble hand to cup her master's cheek and gaze at her. "It's so strange... even though we've known each other for so many centuries... you really do look just as enchantingly beautiful now... as you did the day I met you."

"R-Ran..." Yukari's voice cracked in overwhelmed exasperation "Don't... you can't... I'm serious, I won't allow it..."

The two locked eyes for scarcely a second - but that fraction of a moment was enough for Ran's fading, tear-filled eyes to be burnt forever into Yukari's mind.

"Farewell, Master Yukari.

I love you."

...

Within moments, Yukari Yakumo sat alone, grimacing bitterly in the empty darkness of her room. Her home was abnormally devoid of life - to the point where it barely felt like 'home' anymore.

In her stupor, Yukari's mind wandered. She felt as though she had just arrived home after a long, long time - but suddenly that home was completely gone. Without Ran or Chen around, would she ever feel 'home' again?

Useless sentiment, she thought. This kind of attachment was uncharacteristically human of her. But was that kind of emotion really just inevitability? After spending so many centuries living with familiar, trusted associates?

In the end, all she could think about was how nothing would ever be the same again, and she could not help but blame herself for it.

Aside from that, the only other thing on her mind was revenge.

......

Cool wind effortlessly pierced Yukari's malnourished body. The gorgeous and serene star-dotted sky of Youkai Mountain was Yukari's chosen company for the rest of the night.

Or perhaps not. Yukari was an extremely intelligent and driven woman. While she regularly sought solitude, there was almost always purpose behind her actions.

After a long, cursed sleep and the death of her closest companion, there were three things she needed most. She needed fresh air, to clear her thoughts. She needed a clear view of Gensokyo, to keep her goals in focus.

And she needed information.

So far she had been able to remember just a few things from her long, long dream. She felt trapped in a Gensokyo that was so, so similar to home... with just one vital difference. Yukari couldn't quite remember what that difference was, but she now found herself anxious about the humans she had become so attached to. Perhaps some more news on how things had changed would jolt her memory.

"Well well! There's a face I haven't seen in a long time!" a familiar voice called alongside a cackle, as a woman with jet black hair flew down to perch near where Yukari was sat. "This tree is one of my favourite spots to sit and write... don't tell me you forgot?"

Yukari grinned playfully at her new company. "Why, coming across you is an unpleasant surprise I would never have intended, dear Aya..." she giggled, skilfully hiding her own sour mood with some of her trademark facetious banter.

"Right back at you." The woman cackled again, a toothy grin spreading from pointy ear to pointy ear. This was Aya Shameimaru, a logic-defyingly stubborn tengu journalist with autumnal red eyes that practically gleamed whenever she smelled a scoop. She could often be seen sneaking around the human village in a smart brown suit, but today she was wearing her usual white blouse and her head was adorned with a tokin.

Much like Yukari, Aya always kept her finger on the pulse of Gensokyo and its residents - just in a slightly more sensationalist way that benefitted herself where possible.

"So, how are you holding up, Miss Yakumo? I heard about what happened to those ' _tools_ ' of yours. So tragic, really. My condolences!" she japed almost facetiously.

"Word travels fast." Yukari's eyes lidded with irritation. That intuitive tengu had somehow already caught wind of Chen and Ran's fates.

"It's simple enough. From one information network to another, it's real easy to tell when one of them suddenly falls silent."

She was right, it was really quite obvious. Apparently, being asleep for 75 years does a number to your common sense for a few hours.

"Quite." Yukari stared back into the sky, fanning herself. "As you might be able to imagine, my own information network is currently out of order... so I was hoping you were in a sharing mood."

Aya snorted, twiddling a pen dexterously between her fingers. "Me? Why ever would you come to me instead of someone like Miss Saigyouji?"

"Because you won't sugarcoat anything for me." Yukari giggled. "If anything, you might even make things sound worse than they actually are. I am very much not in a mood for false hopes."

"Ouch!" Aya playfully winced. "My reporting is only ever mostly completely accurate, gap lady."

The blonde youkai flickered a grin, before sighing and snapping her fan shut. She didn't want to wait any longer for answers, but was scared of what she may find out.

"I have a feeling I know what you wanna ask first, so I'll start with the bad news. They're dead."

Yukari's eyes widened briefly, more frustrated at Aya's attempts to undermine the flow of the conversation, almost as if the tengu were enjoying taking advantage of her ignorance.

"Not useful." Yukari leant back, appearing bored. "Many people will have died while I was gone, you need to be more specific."

A cruel grin spread across Aya's face. "I of course meant Reimu Hakurei and Marisa Kirisame. They died."

Ah...

There it was. Right. Aya really, really didn't sugar coat things.

Sharp pains, like cuts from daggers, pierced through the brief illusions of calm in Yukari's heart. The pace of her heartbeat quickened to a horribly unnerving speed. She felt almost short of breath.

This level of emotional intensity was revoltingly unacceptable. It was absurd just how much Yukari had gotten attached to not just Reimu, but Marisa too?

She refused to let it affect her though. At least not physically. She was Yukari Yakumo, one of the most influential youkai in Gensokyo and she did not get emotionally attached to others.

"More useful? I knew that would get a good reaction." Aya smiled pleasantly. "But yeah that was real tragic too. Neither of 'em really cared much for immortality in the end... Everyone, and I mean everyone, knew how easy it would have been for them if they wanted it.

Reimu, being the ridiculously powerful shrine maiden she was, could easily have become a god if she gathered enough faith towards herself. Marisa always spent time with those magician youkai. Both of them spent plenty, plenty of time around long-lived hermits who had cast aside their humanity.

But Reimu seemed satisfied with her life. I think she had known for a long time that she didn't wanna be immortal. Despite how many youkai friends she made, she still wanted to live and die as a human. So she kept a low profile among worshippers and called it laziness... She matured, but she didn't change much. She just stayed Reimu, right until the end."

Aya took a deep, almost shaky breath in and sighed, her composure seemingly faltering for a moment there. Hearing this, Yukari struggled even more to not show any despair. Her eyes welled up and a lone tear escaped - but luckily for her the proud women were both looking at the dark sky rather than at each other.

How humiliating.

"And Marisa... hahah..." Aya smiled. "Knowing that Reimu didn't intend on becoming immortal, Marisa figured there wasn't much point either." she giggled. "Humans, huh? Marisa loved Reimu so much that she thought life would just be boring without her in it... so they were both totally content with dying of old age, like normal, boring, emotional humans."

"I see." Yukari quietly acknowledged, her voice cracking slightly, much to her frustration. It was becoming difficult to hide her emotional reaction from Aya. She was so, so frustrated. She shut her eyes one day... and suddenly, she had missed most of the lives of her two favourite humans. It truly was humiliating to feel such a loss of control.

"You missed some real interesting stuff." Aya mused, grinning at Yukari after sensing her despair and quickly regaining her own composure. Her sharp fangs appeared to glisten in the moonlight. "You mind if I write an article about your glorious return and your tear-stricken reactions to the deaths of your friends?"

Yukari faked a smile. "If you even consider writing such an article, I should feel no guilt in feeding you to the tanuki."

"Hahaha all right, all right!" Aya cackled. "Still, I'm surprised. I always thought you really didn't care much for that kitsune shikigami. What was it you told me back then? 'Shikigami are not animals, but merely tools, and the more one uses a tool, the more one loves it'? Whatever happened to that, I wonder..."

The timing of Aya's facetiousness tugged a little at Yukari's heart, but she wore a smirk nonetheless. "Such a tedious thing for you to remember..." she sighed irritably.

Aya frowned a little. "Of course I remember it! Because it really pissed me off!"

The gap youkai chuckled to herself at how little Aya had changed, then smiled weakly at her. "Regardless... it would not be incorrect to say I have never loved a tool as much as I loved my Ran."

Yukari was a proud and stubborn youkai, hesitant to go back on her word or her worldview. They weren't exactly friends, but Ran was a lot more to Yukari than simply a tool with some sentimental value. She just hadn't realised how attached she had gotten to Ran as a person until it was too late.

Without realising it, Yukari's eyes had dampened further.

Never missing a beat, Aya's sharp eyes noticed Yukari's disposition. "So despite the way you always talked about your shikigami, here you are... bawling to a journalist about it." The tengu was beginning to almost pity her. "I'll do you one favour. If you truly wish for me to avoid running a story on you, I can hold off... cus we're friends." she winked, snapping her notebook shut.

"Because you fear me, rightfully so." Yukari wiped an eye and grinned. "Indeed though, perhaps it is simply better if Gensokyo does not know I am active until the time is right. Now, dear Aya, whereabouts may I find archives of Bunbunmaru?"

"Hmm... I'm sure Suzunaan still has most of them. The current owner is kind of a pushover, they'll probably get 'em out for you pretty easy."

Yukari frowned. "By 'current owner', I suppose you do not mean Kosuzu."

"Kosuzu? Aw Yukari such crappy timing, you just missed her! She died literally just the other week." Aya nonchalantly tapped her pen on her lip. "She hadn't been working the shop in a few years though, which has been pretty sad for us tengu. She was the most helpful shop owner Suzunaan has ever seen, I doubt we'll ever get another like her."

Yukari physically resisted the urge to groan. Were all the humans she was just starting to get to know dead? 75 years truly was a fatal period of time for those creatures.

"By the way gap lady, just in case you were wondering. Akyuu? Also dead." Aya giggled. At this point, Aya was just taking advantage of the situation to mock Yukari. Akyuu's lifespan was always going to be short, she had probably been dead for a good 60 years already. Yukari had, of course, anticipated this.

"Not all bad news though!" The tengu flicked nonchalantly through her notebook. "Wanna hear something juicy? That arrogant celestial and that poverty god seriously settled down together. Moriya Shrine now has USB ports, whatever that means." She continued flicking, cackling to herself. "Uhh... there's not much good news actually, whoops! Gensokyo is at peace though, and we couldn't have done it without our dead human friends and your dead shikigami."

Yukari waved her hand dismissively. "All right, enough of your facetious squawking." The tengu's attitude was beginning to frustrate Yukari, but she had heard what she needed to. There was just... one more thing. Something illogical she was curious about.

"Aya, you knew these humans well. Did you not feel anything when they passed?" Yukari asked, lazily slumping her chin into her hands.

Aya raised an eyebrow at Yukari, almost concerned. "In all the centuries I've known you, this is probably the weirdest you've ever acted." then she sighed "But considering how inseparable you and Reimu used to be, maybe it's understandable."

Yukari averted eye-contact for a moment. Everyone could probably tell how fond of Reimu Yukari was, from how often the typically anti-social youkai bothered the shrine maiden. The youkai grimaced as she dwelt on the fact it had been over 70 years since she had last seen Reimu, and that she would never see her again.

Sensing Yukari's melancholy mood, the tengu stuffed her pen and pad into her pockets and turned to Yukari, wearing a slightly more serious expression. "All right. Admittedly I wanted to see if I could make you squirm by turning up the facetiousness, but the truth is we all mourned. Some of the more secluded youkai and gods would never admit it, but we all genuinely loved Reimu. We loved Marisa, too.

Gensokyo was different with them around, we enjoyed an era of unprecedented peace and friendship between human and youkai without youkai existence ever truly being under threat. Those girls were the ones who made that possible. Of course we mourned."

Aya smiled, her eyes looking a little damper and her voice cracking just slightly. Yukari's eyes lidded with bitterness, as Aya's uncharacteristically sincere recollection really drove home the reality that Reimu and Marisa were gone.

"But the thing is, Miss Yakumo, youkai like you and I who have lived for well over a thousand years instinctually find ways to distance ourselves from the deaths of short-lived creatures. I don't need to tell you that.

Some of us deal with it by learning to laugh about it or trivialise it quickly, like I do. Some of us, like you perhaps do, deal with it by wearing a persona and pretending like they don't ever get attached to anyone." Aya shrugged her shoulders and grinned playfully at Yukari. "Maybe that persona becomes so natural to those people that they genuinely believe they have stopped getting attached. Who am I to say?"

Yukari chuckled quietly at Aya's read on her. She was probably, at least partially, correct.

"So to answer your question... I am not some unfeeling monster - just the journalist tengu kind of monster. Youkai, gods and immortals get to mourn and cope with death in our own time. We knew it was coming. You were gone for almost a century without intending to be and everything is hitting you at once, which is something most of us active youkai don't have to deal with."

Aya wiped her eyes dry and shoved her hands into her pockets "And that kinda sucks for you! But at times like this you would do well to remember that even you, miss anti-social, still have a couple of living and not-living friends out there." she then leapt off the branch and hovered a few feet away. "I'm not one of them, though. So if you want me to keep getting real with you like this I'm gonna have to ask you to pay up."

The two women exchanged grins of resentful respect. That would be all.

Aya turned back towards Yukari before heading off. "Oh, by the way... if you tell anyone you saw me getting touchy feely, I'll write the biggest exposé on you crying to me that Gensokyo has ever seen." she smiled weakly. "Talking about them like that drudged up some feelings I thought I was over."

Yukari couldn't help but laugh. She shrugged her shoulders and smiled sheepishly, like Ran used to do. "Old youkai like us do love our world-shattering secrets, do we not?"

"Don't call me old... I'm still a youthful journalist, full of energy, and the fastest in Gensokyo!" Aya stuck her tongue out fiendishly at Yukari, before soaring off into the dawning sky on her deep black wings.

Curiously, Aya's wings appeared significantly more monstrous than they had looked 75 years ago.

......

Yukari's memory was fantastic, her intellect meticulous, but dreams had a unique way of playing with memories.

Sometimes, one could most easily remember a dream immediately after waking up, but other times it would be instantly forgotten - Falling through the gaps in your consciousness and back into the abyss of your brain from where it came.

Sometimes memories of dreams can spring forth at unexpected times, during a conversation or particular experience.

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, Yukari's surprisingly candid conversation with Aya about the deaths of their dear human friends had jostled more than a few memories of the dream. In fact, it was almost eerie how many themes and people that came up in the conversation were parts of the dream.

That's right... Yukari hadn't seen Reimu in so, so long. She had not even been tantalised with Reimu's presence in her dream. She instead lived in a world where Reimu didn't exist, where no one even knew her name.

The only people Yukari could trust were... Marisa Kirisame and... Ran Yakumo.

She wanted to see them. She wanted to see them all, but she couldn't. They had always been just a gap away. They had all been an exciting, mundane part of her life just before she went to bed. She had merely blinked, and their lives had been extinguished.

Yukari knelt down by her bedside, where Ran had squeezed her hands just hours earlier. There was no longer a single trace of Ran or Chen left.

The youkai clutched the bedsheets where Ran had sat. It had been many many centuries since the seemingly immortal woman had been faced with how truly fragile life could be. One misstep and her shikigami no longer existed. A mere century in the long millennia of Yukari's lifetime was too much for any normal human.

The immediacy of it all was unreasonable. It was quickly becoming too much, too heavy to bear. Yukari curled over her futon, pressing her throbbing forehead to her unsettled bedsheets, grasping at the sheets so desperately that her sharp nails tore through them.

The pain did not abate, but instead boiled up inside her usually empty soul like screams, trying to claw their way out.

Her stomach trembled, shivers worked their way up her arms until her fists were visibly shaking. Her best efforts to keep calm were completely overwhelmed as her mind and heart crushed her demeanour.

She grimaced, biting down hard on her lip in protest, but some of the screams trapped inside her body inevitably escaped from behind her teeth as croaked squeaks. Suddenly it was difficult to breathe, as her diaphragm convulsed and pathetic, quiet weeps forced their way up through her throat.

It hurt. It really hurt. It hurt so much.

Yukari couldn't fathom how much it hurt, how pathetically human it felt to experience a feeling of loss so intense and unfair. She had lost people before, human shrine maidens had come and gone by the dozen during her long life. Becoming a youkai and discarding her humanity was supposed to mean discarding those inconvenient attachments to fleeting mortal lives.

But these women... regardless of whether Yukari had let her guard down or not, they were different! They were special. They would always be special. She would remember them forever.

It was so unfair, so unjust, so _cruel_! She wanted to shout at someone, a greater power. She wanted someone to answer to how unfair, how wrong it was that they had been taken away from her.

But there was no greater power. She was one of the greatest powers, and even she was powerless.

No one could fix this. And if she couldn't have them back, if she couldn’t get back her lost time, then someone else would have to pay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can imagine, this is a very important chapter. Everything about the status quo, both for the story and for Gensokyo itself, changes very quickly.
> 
> It was difficult to write, and I sincerely hope I was able to convey how intensely shocking Yukari's situation has been for her and how torn up she is emotionally.
> 
> Basically, if it made you sad or even made you cry, I succeeded!
> 
> \-------------------  
> Glossary:  
> Shikigami - A summoned being whose power is tied to that of its master. Sort of like a witch familiar.  
> Kitsune - Japanese word for fox, but often used specifically for fox-youkai like Ran  
> Tengu - a goblin-like youkai, often anthropomorphic crows  
> Tokin - A small box (normally black) worn on the head by some ascetic hermits in Japan, as well as tengu. It can double as a drinking cup.  
> tanuki - A raccoon dog, which is a real animal. In Touhou, it is usually shorthand for 'bake-danuki', which is a monster raccoon dog youkai.


	9. Gensokyo Without Them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter directly references the events of th15.5/Antinomy of Common Flowers, but I hopefully wrote it in a way that makes sense even if you aren't familiar with the story.

"I remember everything."

A long red hat. Dark blue hair. Black and white clothing... a tail... Yukari remembered everything.

Well, almost everything. But she remembered enough to know that the cause of her curse must have originated here: in this strange, colourful domain where nothing made sense. Where experience could be felt in multiple dimensions. Where your very sense of identity could change from one minute to the next.

"Ah... Miss Yakumo". The woman in a bizarre black and white dress adorned with black and white orbs curtsied politely. She wore a tired and troubled expression. "Good morning. I have - no surprise I’m sure - been expecting you."

Yukari had already run out of patience - she snapped her fingers, binding the woman's wrists into the air with gaps, before rushing and seizing her fragile-feeling neck tightly in her hand. The woman's red cap flopped to the indefinite ground, revealing her long, deep blue hair.

The blonde youkai snarled maliciously at her captive - her eyes ablaze with fury.

"Hmm... hmm, yes. I probably deserved that." Called another, apologetic voice from behind Yukari. This made Yukari clench her teeth tighter, though she had seen this coming.

Yukari span around, quickly ensnaring the doppelganger behind her too. "Congratulations on being one of the few youkai alive to behold my anger, Doremy Sweet." Yukari growled intimidatingly. Doremy stared directly back into Yukari's gaze, unblinking.

For the first time in centuries, Yukari was genuinely struggling to maintain her composure against an 'opponent'. She had just so desperately wanted to do something about these painful feelings and before she knew it she was here, in the Dream World. In Doremy Sweet's domain.

It was uncharacteristically direct and hasty for Yukari, and even she was unsure what exactly her plan was.

All she knew was that she needed to know  _why_. She had always thought Doremy was a perfectly reasonable, even polite youkai. Everything about this dream incident was still frustratingly beyond Yukari's grasp, and now her shikigami had died because of it.

Surely discovering the truth and punishing Doremy would help her find inner peace?

"I know not what your intention was in placing that curse on me... petty payback for my actions during the Perfect Possession incident, perhaps. But do you have any idea how much danger you put Gensokyo in with your actions? How much suffering you have inflicted upon my servants!?"

A soft, apologetic sigh floated to Yukari's ears from above. "I am aware... and I am truly, sincerely sorry. My domain has been compromised, so please give me a moment to determine how I may best help you find solace."

Yukari grimaced at the baku's calm tone. A third Doremy floated down from above, one leg crossed over the other. She opened a thick, purple book and held it in one hand, flicking through its pages dexterously before arriving at one page and giving it a scan over.

"I'm aware I am in no position to be making demands, but if you would, please listen carefully. In fact... if any external onlookers would please pay attention too." Doremy then shut the book with a loud thunk before continuing.

_"Truth be told, venerable youkai sage, i wish i could give you a more satisfactory answer." the baku frowned. "Even with all my power over dreams... Never did i expect for the dream world to lash out in such a haphazard and dangerous way. Still, your fury is entirely warranted. How ever you intend to find inner peace, i shall accept it. If you wish to kill me, please be done with it quickly so i may return to work."_

...Was that it? Was that Doremy's big explanation?

The first and second Doremys were quickly losing the blood to their hands and showed signs of physical discomfort, but the third Doremy didn't look remotely scared. She didn't look remotely angry. She just looked anxious... and sad. Like something was deeply frustrating her.

Yukari's lips quivered. Her fists shuddered with a desperate tension. She snapped her fingers.

In an instant, all three Doremys were sliced in half by Yukari's gaps, their skin puncturing and unfurling as a pink, soap-like liquid drained from them while they slowly deflated. Dry husks looking more like empty balloons than bodies flopped limply to the ground. Yukari clenched her fist and stared down at the ground - if it could even be called that.

"Was that cathartic?"

A fourth Doremy approached Yukari from behind and gave her a gentle rub on the back. "Are you okay? No, I'm sorry. Stupid question."

Doremy couldn't be killed in the Dream World. In fact, Doremy probably would be particularly difficult to kill no matter where she was. Yukari knew this would be the outcome, even before coming. Besides, if one truly were to kill the Ruler of the Dream World, the impact it could have over dreams could be quite terrifying indeed.

Nonetheless, she felt the urge to immediately satisfy her anger.

No one was around to stop her anymore, after all.

"This curse that induced 75 years of sleep in me... you mean to tell me it was not your doing?" Yukari finally spoke.

"The Dream World's doing, but not of my design, Miss Yakumo." Doremy gently shook her head, floating in front of Yukari again.

"As I'm certain you recall from the Perfect Possession incident... the Dream World is my realm, but there are some forces here beyond my power. When things are disturbed, sometimes it is all I can do to mitigate the damage. That is why I was so desperate to clean up the mess caused by Perfect Possession back then."

The Perfect Possession incident was a particularly messy incident that took place in Gensokyo just over 76 years ago. It was a dangerous side-effect of Gensokyo's mysterious tendency to turn popular urban legends into reality.

Gensokyo's residents became able to possess one another, allowing people to swap places near instantaneously. However, as being possessed forced people into a sort of dream-like state, the incident caused the Dream World to fall into discord. It caused Dream World denizens to become more violent and unruly.

Yukari's eyes lidded as she contemplated just how out of control things must have gotten. She crossed her arms and irritably bit her thumb. "So... the Dream World's balance has been thrown off ever since the Perfect Possession incident... or perhaps it was Sumireko's overuse of it..."

"Ahaha... something like that." Doremy shrugged. "That Sumireko... such an interesting girl."

Sumireko Usami was a human from the Outside World with the peculiar ability to physically visit Gensokyo while she slept - which caused abnormalities in the Dream World too. Of course, it had been a long, long time since Yukari had last seen her.

"Is she still alive?" Yukari asked monotonously.

"I wonder? I don't believe it is my right to tell you those kinds of things." Doremy shrugged apologetically and looked to change the subject.

"In any case, you may recall in your dream your goal was to destroy Gensokyo to force my power as a dream youkai to wane. Unusually, I was unable to intervene in your dream at all - but the intended effect was the same, if only because you severed whatever connection existed between Gensokyo and the Dream World in that dream, and forcefully dispelled its hold over you."

"I see." Yukari shut her eyes in thought. Her rage towards the baku had somewhat subsided, but a hopeless frustration had taken its place. "You had noticed that inconsistency where I had not?"

"Of course." Doremy nodded gently, briefly gesturing to her book. "I may have been powerless, but I have detailed records and knowledge of all dreams. You have only just been able to reclaim the faded memories of that dream, but I am certain more inconsistencies will become known to you should you continue to observe for them."

The baku tapped the back of her hand to her book. "In fact! Please do keep an eye out for any inconsistencies or things that may have been affected by this incident... in both your dreams and your reality, with both things that have already happened and those still yet to happen. If not for me, then to prevent another tragedy like this befalling Gensokyo again."

Was there really an 'incident' here at all though? Or was Doremy just trying to soothe Yukari's tortured soul?

Gensokyo... Gensokyo was fine. Was it truly a tragedy that spanned the scope of all lives in Gensokyo? No... This was a tragedy that affected only Yukari, personally. That wasn't even a tragedy, because Yukari was Gensokyo's _objective_ guardian. A youkai who valued order above all things, least of all sentiment or emotion.

Yukari scrunched her eyes shut in resentment, and turned to leave.

"I am truly sorry, Miss Yakumo. I am." Doremy spoke up before Yukari could hurry through her gap. "I understand that this has not been satisfactory for you, but I pray you find peace somehow. Be it through your old friends, or through protecting Gensokyo as you always have... with those observant eyes of yours.

All I can do in return is continue to watch over and accompany your dreams as I always have done. I only ask that you not forget what we have discussed here today...  so you may never again forget how frightening dreams can be."

Doremy was right. Yukari had never felt so undermined, so unsatisfied with an incident's 'conclusion', so lacking in control. She was Gensokyo's great manipulator, but she had been made forcefully reminded of one of life's greatest truths - that natural forces could not always be controlled to begin with.

There was nagging emptiness in her stomach like there had to have been something she was missing. Some detail she had forgotten. Something that didn't add up...

But in her mind? This was it. This was all there was. In her growing despair, Yukari could only see this 'incident' as a cruel accident, one she may have had a hand in causing due to her own role in the Perfect Possession incident all those years ago.

There was no solution, no conclusion. Only a harsh reminder of why Yukari had chosen to distance herself from things like 'friends' in the first place.

* * *

 

As things stood, the only thing Yukari could bring herself to do was continue as Gensokyo's concealed manipulator and protector. She was done making friends for now. She was hesitant to even let other old friends back into her life, anxious that she could somehow lose them too if she dared get attached to them again.

Yukari floated above the trees near Hakurei Shrine, silently observing the new Hakurei shrine maiden - Reimu Hakurei's successor. She was a young girl, likely not much older in age than Reimu had been when Yukari first met her. Her hair was dark and she wore simple red and white miko robes.

' _She certainly is a Hakurei shrine maiden..._ ' Yukari thought to herself, a bittersweet ache tugging at her heart.

The young shrine maiden was with two others: an older woman with long green hair that shimmered in the wind like plantlife, as well as Hakurei Shrine's faithful komainu, Aunn Komano.

"Why not go introduce yourself?" A familiar voice asked gently from behind. Yukari was slightly surprised, but upon remembering who the voice belonged to the surprise faded.

"It's good to see you again, Kanako." Yukari smiled pleasantly. "Only a wind god of your calibre would be able to sneak up on me like that."

"It's good to see you too, Yukari." Kanako chuckled to herself. "You must still be sleepy, today's lazy and uninspired winds hide very little."

"Is that so...?" Yukari fanned herself playfully. "Perhaps I should keep my distance from the shrine, then."

"Simply observing, hm?" The wind goddess raised an eyebrow.

A brief silence followed as the two watched the shrine. After a moment, Kanako spoke again. "She's a good kid... but she still has much to learn about Gensokyo and the way the world works. She's a little like Reimu, so perhaps she'll be one of those strange few who actually likes you."

It was a bit much to take in - Yukari didn't feel ready to move on yet. Watching the new shrine maiden only made her miss Reimu more. Everyone else had seen Reimu mature, grow old and die.

It was so frustrating... Reimu wasn’t even a decade older than this young shrine maiden when Yukari had last seen her. She had missed most of Reimu's life, and Marisa's too. Now it felt like she barely even knew them, despite how she treasured them.

"That woman is... Sanae?" Yukari asked, looking to change the subject.

"Yes." Kanako beamed proudly, gazing down towards the tall, green-haired woman helping the Hakurei shrine maiden. "Not only is she a skilled, veteran shrine maiden now, she has become a god with miraculous powers that may surpass those of even my partner Suwako and I."

Yukari glared down at Sanae from behind her fan. Far from the overeager and occasionally awkward personality she had as a young adult, Sanae's majestic beauty was now almost intimidating. Her aura significantly more graceful and calm. She wore long, flowing white robes with a blue trim, and her hair appeared to shimmer with a natural glow.

"She has fully shed her humanity, I see." Yukari asked, though it had been quite obvious from what Kanako was saying.

The wind god nodded. "Sanae was only half-human to begin with. Given all the faith she has gathered for Moriya Shrine over the years and her increasingly reliable power to cause miracles, she was perhaps always destined to become a great god."

The blonde youkai continued to watch them silently, a quiet melancholy in her eyes. Catching Yukari's expression, Kanako sighed gently. "We could not be more proud of her... but she has been so, so lonely since those two passed away. She truly loved both of them. She was always attached at the hip to Reimu..."

Yukari's ears notably pricked up, her eyes flickering. "Sanae stopped ageing as a human would... she must have known it was coming."

Kanako smiled gently at Yukari's almost Pavlovian response - it was beginning to dawn on her that someone else may have loved Reimu and Marisa as dearly as Sanae did. "Everyone knew it was coming, but it was nonetheless difficult to handle. Sanae mourned for weeks... I have never, ever seen her cry as much or as long as she did when Reimu died. Then, when Marisa died it happened all over again."

The god lent an elbow on her knee and her chin on her fist. "Suwako and I had faith that Sanae would recover... but there was a point where we did worry she would never be the same again. Not without them.

I think... if Reimu hadn't entrusted Sanae to mentor her successor in how to be a strong, reliable shrine maiden... she would have found it so much harder to find the strength to move on. We still have so much to thank Reimu for, and we already have a lot to thank her young successor for too."

So that was why...

Yukari continued to watch the shrine wistfully. She watched the young Hakurei girl as she pouted, listening to one of Sanae's lectures. Sanae smiled so sweetly and dotingly at her, almost like the way a mother might at her daughter.

Yukari had not thought much of Sanae in the past, but seeing her like this... knowing she had found inspiration and meaning in helping to continue Reimu's legacy, Yukari could not help but feel an unfamiliar affinity with her.

"Ahh, looks like they have company." Kanako giggled, gesturing towards the shrine entrance. A familiar, blue-haired celestial confidently flew down towards Sanae and the Hakurei girl, riding a keystone.

Yukari grinned curiously. "So she still visits after all these years, hm? I wonder where that troublesome poverty god is."

"Tenshi has actually been visiting the shrine more often lately, it's strange." Kanako raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. "I cannot recall the last time I saw Shion with her, either."

The youkai tilted her head, now even more curious. "What say you we do a little eavesdropping, then?" She pointed a gloved finger and thumb towards the shrine and gently pulled them apart from each other, opening a small gap near the group at the shrine and a connecting one next to the older women.

Suddenly, the voices of the others were as clear as if Yukari and Kanako had been stood right next to them.

"Good afternoon, Tenshi!" Sanae beamed at the celestial. "I would say it's a pleasant surprise, but it's hardly a surprise at this point." she huffed a smile.

Aunn Komano, the komainu girl with cloudy teal-coloured hair, gave Sanae a gentle poke. It appeared she had noticed something. "Uhhm..."

"Not now, Aunn!" the young Hakurei girl excitedly hushed her. "I think Tenshi's here for a fight again."

Tenshi raised an eyebrow, putting one fist on her hip and the other adjusting the decorated black hat on her head. "Uh... I don't think I'm here to fight, actually."

"You don't  _think_?" Hakurei snarked.

"That's a relief." Sanae's eyes lidded playfully at the her protege, making her pout. "Because we're right in the middle of training, aren't we? We don't have time to fight. So what brings you here today, Tenshi? How's the wife?"

"Wife?" Tenshi paused, puzzled. She bit her lip for a few moments, visibly anxious. "Oh! You mean my darling Shion!" she suddenly realised, her expression brightening as she proudly rested her fists on her hips. "She's well. Well, as well as a misfortune-attracting poverty god can be. I think." the celestial awkwardly babbled then blushed, rubbing the back of her head.

"Yes... uh, who else would I mean?" Sanae smiled sheepishly, giving the other two a shrug.

"Did you just say 'darling'...?" Hakurei teased, snickering. "That's so... posh."

"Be nice." Sanae huffed.

Tenshi smacked her own fist to her chest. "Of course! I'm a celestial, I was born to be proper, polite, modest, and a model citizen for all lowly earthlings!" she gave the trio her sweetest, most sincere smile. "Come to think of it though, I'm really not sure why I came here today. I came here feeling really angry and upset... but now I feel great, so your guess is as good as mine."

Sanae pulled her gohei out and slapped it to her palm intimidatingly. "Are you sure you don't want to fight anyway? We are busy, but I can certainly make a little time for some pest control."

"Geez... are you kidding? It's always so one-sided when you fight me... I'd rather just go home. A bit of fresh air was apparently all I needed anyway!"

"In that case, I do hope you actually remember your business next time you come dropping by unannounced." Sanae frowned. "This is a strange habit you're developing."

"What's wrong with wanting to randomly turn up at this shrine?" Tenshi pouted, looking a little more irritated. "You do it all the time, that delightful pink-haired hermit too."

Sanae shrugged calmly and gestured towards the younger shrine maiden. "She's in my care now, so... Besides, Hakurei Shrine has been like a second home to me for a long time now."

"A-anyway!" Aunn piped up. "Tenshi, are you taking care of yourself? You seem so aloof and confused lately, I've been wondering if you've been sleeping properly..."

"Plenty. Celestials have to know how to take care of themselves in order to stay beautiful, duh. But, whatever, I'm going."

Sanae smiled pleasantly at Tenshi and put her gohei away. "It's been a pleasure as always Tenshi. Please give Shion my regards."

"I will!" Tenshi grinned widely. "I..." she paused again, staring into space for a few moments. "I... y-yeah!" she rubbed her temple and shook her head, jumping onto her keystone and setting off into the sky.

Noticing Tenshi headed back towards the sky, Yukari quickly shut the gaps and began to sink back into one herself. "Thank you for the familiar company today, Kanako, but I had best make myself scarce."

Kanako raised an eyebrow. "Mm? You seem almost afraid to be seen..."

"While I may have been more sociable and active when we first met, I have always been a youkai who watches Gensokyo from the shadows, and that is all anyone should ever expect of me. I am simply returning to my original role." Yukari giggled as she leant playfully on the edge of her gap, resting her chin in her hands.

The wind god frowned, seeming unconvinced. "For your own good, don't isolate yourself too much. Isolation is unhealthy, even for immortals, gods, and other long-lived types like you youkai." Kanako paused, shooting a fond glance down at Sanae.

"Perhaps you should visit that ghost friend of yours, I'm sure she misses you dearly."

Yukari turned away from Kanako, her eyes lidded with irritation. Avoiding isolation was easier said than done, when caring about mortals could be so painful - her 'ghost friend' included. She shut the gap, leaving without saying another word.

"Hey, who were you just talking to, wind hag? Did I just see what I thought I saw?" asked Tenshi as she floated towards Kanako.

"I'm afraid I have no idea what you mean, celestial hag." Kanako grinned at Tenshi.

"Celestials like the Hinanawi Clan are eternally young, you don't get to call us hag no matter how old I get."

"I wonder~" Kanako teased. "Run along home then, little one."

"If I ever grow old, it'll be because I'm spending too much time around of tiresome old ladies like you." Tenshi stuck her nose up in the air, causing Kanako to chuckle to herself.

After opening her mouth to snap at Kanako some more, Tenshi stopped dead in her tracks, her face suddenly awash with a look of dread. "A-ah... sh-shit, I... I gotta go."

Kanako raised a single eyebrow in concern, as Tenshi sped off.

Back at the shrine, Sanae was diligently resuming the younger shrine maiden's training, before Aunn poked at her again. "Miss Sanae, uh..." she gestured over to the sky, where Kanako and Yukari had been talking earlier. "That familiar smell..."

"Shh... I know." Sanae winked knowingly at Aunn, putting a finger over the komainu's lips. "For now, let's just give her some time, okay?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it’s been a while! Thank you all so much for your thoughts and reactions to Chapter 8, they helped so much and motivated me to keep going.
> 
> In this chapter, I introduce the closest thing this story has to an OC - but it's the kind of thing that isn't unlikely in canon and her role is small, so I left her unnamed. She's also obviously very young, so she's more likely to be Reimu's granddaughter than her direct descendent. It's all very intentionally vague.
> 
> As for who her other grandparent is? That's intentionally vague, too. Your favourite ship goes here, basically! Reimu/Marisa, Reimu/Sanae, Reimu/Sakuya... anything (except Reimu/Yukari ;_; ) fits! Personally I like to think Sanae is, but there isn't meant to be a definite interpretation.
> 
> I decided I wanted to finish writing the whole story before worrying about editing and uploading, so that's what I did. The story is finished! As is often the case with me, the second “half” of the story took much longer to write and ended up much longer than I expected.
> 
> But I’m very happy with it, so I’m hoping to upload one chapter a week from now until the end!  
> I hope you'll enjoy what's left to come!
> 
> \-------------------  
> Glossary:  
> Shikigami - A summoned being whose power is tied to that of its master. Sort of like a witch familiar.  
> Baku - A chimera-like youkai that eats dreams. In Touhou a baku has significant control over dreams.  
> Miko - shrine maiden or priestess.  
> Komainu - literally "lion-dog", a statue commonly intended to guard shrines and temples.  
> Gohei - A wooden wand used in Shinto rituals. In Touhou, Reimu and Sanae both use gohei as weapons for youkai extermination.


	10. Real Friends

‘ _Isolation is unhealthy_ ’.

That was easy for Kanako to say. Her beloved Sanae Kochiya had become immortal. Her beloved Suwako Moriya was a native god who pre-dated even herself. Both of them probably pre-dated Yukari.

Sure, Yukari didn't know Kanako's personal life intimately - far from it. Moriya Shrine's gods were all from the Outside World, and Yukari's interactions with them had been limited. Even so, Kanako must have experienced loss this painful before, right? She must know how much it hurts.

Yukari herself had experienced it before, too. Of course she had. Long-lived youkai, gods, especially immortals, no matter how distant and apathetic they behaved, had all experienced it.

If they pretended they hadn't, as Yukari often did, they were lying.

For many, it was this sickening awareness of how unfair mortality could be that caused them to develop apathetic, isolated personalities in the first place.

That was certainly how it had been for Yukari, for centuries and centuries. Before Reimu Hakurei, even Marisa Kirisame, taught her how it felt to get attached to mortals again with their infectiously energetic lives.

How exciting it was, how beautiful humans could be.

And while Yukari could never, ever resent them or the time they spent together - she resented human mortality and how many of those pathetic human emotions it inflicted upon her. Attachment, longing, fear. Worst of all: a lack of impartiality towards life in Gensokyo. An illogical bias.

These were flaws that she, as a highly intellectual and influential youkai, prided herself in having cast aside over a millennia ago. Yukari manipulated, protected and guided Gensokyo from the shadows, she could not afford to lose that impartiality. Mortals were, perhaps, bad for her.

It wasn't just humans who were mortal, either. In her spiralling desolation, Yukari came to resent the absurdly delicate existence of youkai themselves. Creatures born entirely from the fears of humans. She resented the necessity of a land like Gensokyo just to keep these fascinating creatures alive. She resented how a short century of missteps had been enough to extinguish the life of an immensely powerful nine-tailed kitsune like Ran.

Anyway. Since her conversation with Kanako, Yukari had decided to make full use of her unparalleled ability to sleep. Yukari was good at sleeping. Considering how relatively active she had been throughout Gensokyo's history, she still managed to sleep an impressive amount. So she shut herself up in her room, alone with her thoughts.

Thoughts that, ironically, made it very, very difficult to sleep.

' _Perhaps you should visit that ghost friend of yours_ '.

No. She stubbornly refused.

Days, nights, weeks spent alone in bed blurred together, exacerbating how emotionally lost she was becoming. Yukari increasingly indulged herself in daydreams; pleasant escapades where this had just been a nightmare. She dipped in and out of consciousness, welcoming and encouraging an inability to tell the difference between lucid fantasy and reality.

Her attempts at sleep were incessantly interrupted by her own thoughts. Her room was becoming more and more dishevelled, anger and fear driving her to slash and shred up the furniture until it barely looked like a home anymore.

Occasionally she dwelt on how unhealthy and self-destructive she was becoming, but told herself she didn't care. She wasn't eating. She wasn't washing.  
Instead, she pettily thought;

' _if this truly is bad for me, then Ran should come and nag me. Tell me to stop._

_But she won't._

_She won't._

_No one will._

_No one knows where I live, so I will stay in bed._ '

* * *

 

Yukari had lost track of how many weeks she had been alone with her thoughts for, when she was suddenly jolted back into reality by a crashing noise in the next room over.

"Chen? What are you doing in there?" Yukari wondered out loud. She weakly lifted her sheets off and for a fraction of a moment considered getting up.

"No, that's right... Chen is gone." she sighed, pulling the sheets back over herself. She slumped back into bed and shut her eyes forcibly, trying to make herself think of something else so she could sleep.

...

No good. The heavy weight of reality felt almost suffocating. She tossed and turned, finding it increasingly hard to breathe. She began to panic as she felt her fears and regrets literally compressing down on her body.

"Hey, you stink." a familiar voice penetrated her ears.

Ah... that made sense. This weight wasn't caused by emotions, someone was literally sitting on her. Someone who was growing heavier.

"Suika..." Yukari mumbled weakly. "What are you doing here...?"

Suika Ibuki was a fairly small oni who usually had an almost childlike appearance. Even her personality was generally carefree, but this deceiving look hid one of the most powerful creatures in Gensokyo. Her long, curved horns and wild mane of long orange hair betrayed her true identity.

Suika had the unique ability to alter and control the density, assembly and mass of any object - including herself. While her sheer physical power as an oni was nearly unmatched to begin with, she could also duplicate her own body, change her mass, make herself giant, or even disperse her own matter and turn into mist.

This was among the reasons Suika has been considered the strongest oni, and one of the most fearsome youkai in history.

This terrifying oni also happened to be one of Yukari's closest, oldest friends - and she was currently sitting on the gap youkai as she laid in bed.

"A little birdy tipped me off that you were awake again, so I had to come see you." Suika giggled mischievously, her laughter filling the dark and empty room.

' _A little birdy_ '?

"That tengu..." Yukari grimaced, her cheek still stuffed into her damp pillow. "I warned her not to tell anyone..."

"I can be very... persuasive." Suika snarled a menacing grin. "I simply warned Aya that if she didn't talk, I would level the whole mountain."

Yukari rolled her eyes and peered at Suika from below her covers. "The same Youkai Mountain which is also your favourite hiking ground and home to some of Gensokyo's most powerful gods?"

The oni rubbed the back of her head and stuck her tongue out "Yeah, she called my bluff too! I've always been a pretty bad liar." she giggled again, half hoping to hear Yukari chuckle along at her joke. Nothing.

"But naw, her acting weird was all I needed" Suika continued, "it's really easy to see almost everything in Gensokyo when I can just turn myself into mist. It didn't take long at all to figure out."

Indeed, it wasn't a surprise that Suika had found out Yukari was awake, considering how observant the oni could be. That... didn't really answer Yukari's question, though.

"I asked why you were here, not how you were here." Yukari finally responded, her voice a little less croaked and a little more teasing as she gradually woke up.

The oni cackled as a grin spread across her face. "I've come to make you get out of bed, of course! That's what friends are for, right? I'm gonna take you to stay somewhere else, cus this place is a dump."

"I shall pass." Yukari mumbled, pulling the sheets back over her head. She couldn't imagine anywhere 'pleasant' Suika knew of besides Hakurei Shrine - and that was perhaps the place Yukari wanted to be least of all right now.

"Thought you'd say that, my stubborn old friend!" Suika laid back on Yukari's body and relaxed. "So I figured I'd just gradually make myself heavier, and heavier, 'til you say uncle."

"Tch, you really are as childish as you look sometimes. Leave me, Suika."

"Says you! After seein' the state of this place and how much you stink? Nah, I think I'll stay. Plus, I've missed testing my wits against you! You're a tough youkai, I wonder how heavy I'll have to get before you give in?"

Suika wasn't bluffing this time - she continued to grow heavier and heavier as Yukari laid rebelliously and grumpily in bed.

Make no mistake, despite her dainty appearance Yukari was extremely physically strong for a woman of over a thousand years. In terms of sheer brawn though, there was no contesting Suika’s.

Suika knew this, and knew that at some point Yukari would have to give up. The two had fought for fun many times over the centuries, and at this point it was just one of the many ways they communicated.

"Uggh." Yukari groaned, as she could feel her muscles and bones straining under Suika's increasingly intense mass. "Enough, Suika. I will not be going with you."

"Yes, you will." Suika smiled gently. "Seeing you wearing your emotions on your sleeves like this only makes me like you even more, so I'm not gonna let you keep hurting alone."

The blonde youkai rolled her eyes. Suika was right, but Yukari didn't feel like listening. She just didn't feel like it. She just wanted to be alone. Wasn't mourning like this okay? Wasn't this how people mourned?

"Suika..." Yukari groaned as the oni perched on her malnourished body caused increasingly genuine pain.

"Yukari." Suika smirked.

Yukari weakly snapped her fingers, opening up a gap within her covers and causing Suika to quickly and heavily tumble through it, taking the sheets with her.

_**-CRASH!!-** _

After falling through the gap and its connecting gap to the side of Yukari's bed, Suika landed with a destructive slam right through the flooring, causing an even bigger mess of the already chaotic room.

Yukari made herself sit up in bed, her eyes lidded with irritation at Suika, who was now stuck in the floor looking extremely pleased with herself.

"Your body's still much stronger than your house, not bad for a youkai who refuses to take care of herself! If you really wanted me to leave... you coulda gapped me somewhere much farther away, isn't that right?" Suika climbed out of the hole and held out her hand towards Yukari, who shook her head irritably.

Still, Suika had miraculously managed to force a slight smirk to appear in the corner of Yukari's mouth. Yukari's empty and lonely house was now a dishevelled mess, and this oni was all smiles and hijinks.

"Fine." Yukari sighed, forcing her gaunt body to sit up. "If I do not come with you, I expect the loud crashing and harassment would simply continue."

"That's right, you can count on me!" Suika helped Yukari out of bed, grinning proudly "But I'm not exactly a ferry, so I'm gonna have to ask you to open a gap to Hakugyokurou for us."

Yukari's eyes widened slightly and she bit her lip. "Hakugyokurou...? You?"

Hakugyokurou was a ghost shrine located in the Netherworld. It was home to another of Yukari's close friends - and someone she had definitely been avoiding.

The thing is... Suika and Hakugyokurou's residents didn't exactly get along. At least, they never had before. For Suika to suggest that place only made Yukari more anxious and hesitant to leave her bed.

"Yes, me!" Suika pouted. "Come on, chop chop, get that gap open! You desperately need a bath or no one will take you seriously ever again!"

The groggy gap youkai glared daggers at the oni and lazily pulled her hand fan out from a gap. Simply too worn out and aching to protest against Suika any further, she pinched a line through the air in front of them and opened a gap to Hakugyokurou.

......

Perhaps it was appropriate that Hakugyokurou always appeared frozen in time - not a thing had changed in the 75 years since Yukari had last visited.

In a way, it was comforting. Discomfortingly comforting.

Ghosts barely ever changed, the Netherworld barely ever changed, and the trusted friend who lived here barely ever changed. These were some of Gensoyko's constants, a few of the things that Yukari typically felt like she could rely on to stay the same - even when everything else had changed.

After all, it is difficult to end the life of that which is already dead.

The shrine grounds were kept in immaculate condition thanks to the mistress's talented gardener, and while the shrine's air was often too cold and stagnant for Yukari's liking, her fondness for the ghost princess usually made her a regular guest.

This time though, for reasons she refused to acknowledge, the thought of meeting with her friend filled Yukari with dread instead.

How long since they had last seen one another? Yukari often slept for long periods between seeing her, but during the long dream she actively avoided that woman's company.

"She's actually expecting you already. I made her a promise." Suika grinned warmly, giving Yukari a smack on the back rough enough to remind anyone that she was an oni. "After you! I bet they've already drawn a bath for you and prepared some amazing food!" she nudged Yukari playfully towards the shrine entrance, doing little to hide the fact she was drooling.

A familiar face greeted them at the shrine entrance, a young-looking woman with short white hair and an earnest, serious expression. Youmu Konpaku was Hakugyokurou's gardener and the mistress's most trusted servant. She appeared human, but was actually half-human half-phantom. Her phantom half took the form of the small spectre that typically orbited her person.

Youmu had been alive for quite some time now and appeared to age quite slowly, but certainly gracefully. Despite how hard-working she was, she always appeared to be the perfect picture of health. Her intuition was sharper than ever, and her steadfast posture indicated that her confidence in herself had improved somewhat over the past half a century too. Her phantom half now glowed with a turquoise tint, as if brimming with spiritual power.

Seeing Yukari and Suika approach, Youmu's stern expression softened into something of a wistful smile as she bowed at the guests.

"Greetings, Lady Yukari... We have been eagerly expecting you. It's... it's truly good to see you."

She was, of course, much too polite to tell Yukari how awful and dishevelled she looked. She wasn't afraid to hint it, though.

"As much as I would love to recommend you head into the bath first, my mistress demanded that she see you as soon as you arrive - so please, if you would."

Yukari nodded weakly and quietly followed Youmu into the shrine building, where the gardener guided both Yukari and Suika to the main room.

Youmu slid the door open gently and peeked inside, mumbling a few words before looking back to Yukari. "She will see you now, please head inside. Refreshments will be along shortly."

The elder youkai paused, frowning for a moment as she remembered the state she was in. "I insist I wash before even thinking of joining fine company for food. You understand."

"Of course." Youmu bowed gently, then once again gestured for Yukari to enter the main room.

Again, Yukari hesitated. Something about the imminent pampering, this air of comfort, the friends, the bath, the food - was truly disquieting. It was all just too pleasant. Not that she had reason to distrust Suika or the mistress of Hakugyokurou, she feared something else altogether.

Yukari stepped through the door into the main room, and Suika followed.

Youmu put her hand on Suika's shoulder "Lady Ibuki, I believe it best if you stay out-"

"It's fine." called the airy voice of the pink-haired woman sitting peacefully in the main room. "Yukari's well-being is important to her, too."

"Yuyuko..." Yukari glided limply into the room, staring at the pink-haired woman as complicated feelings welled up inside her. "I-I..."

Yuyuko Saigyouji, the 'ghost princess' mistress of Hakugyokurou, had been Yukari's best friend now for over a millennia.

She was a tall, chubby woman, robed in a sky blue and white kimono. Suiting her soothing appearance, she usually wore a pleasant and welcoming expression and played the part of a bubbly, carefree airhead.

As was a trend amongst Yukari's friends though, Yuyuko's appearance guised how fearsome she truly was. Not only did she possess a deceptively genius intellect, the ghost's ability to manipulate death itself made her one of the most fearsome youkai in Gensokyo - it was simply a mercy that she usually appeared friendly. Death shadowed Yuyuko like an old friend, her body usually surrounded by formless phantoms betraying her authority among both ghosts and phantoms alike.

But when she saw Yukari enter the room, she beamed a warm, bubbly smile - the kind of genuine smile that only her loved ones would ever see - and held out her arms.

"Welcome home, Yukari... I missed you."

As if compelled by some force beyond her own power, Yukari stumbled haplessly towards Yuyuko in her dishevelled and dirty clothes, before falling to her knees in front of the ghost.

"It's okay... Come here." Yuyuko chimed, as she reached out her hands and assertively pulled Yukari towards her.

At first, Yukari hesitated, attempting to keep her distance, but as Yuyuko grappled and pulled her friend closer Yukari became increasingly defenseless.

Before she knew it, she was clinging to Yuyuko with near desperation. She clutched the back of Yuyuko's robes, took in Yuyuko's familiar scent and buried her face in Yuyuko's neck. Within moments and despite her efforts, Yukari's tear ducts unlocked and everything, everything came cascading out.

This... this was what Yukari had been so afraid of.

Not Suika, not Yuyuko, Yukari had been terrified of showing how hopelessly vulnerable she had become. How weak she must have appeared. How heavily she craved the personal comfort of loved ones and how desperately she missed the loved ones she had lost.

Yukari was terrified of exposing her vulnerable human side to the youkai she respected the most - the youkai  _she_  was supposed to be reliable to. She was terrified of getting attached to someone again when cruel reality could just snatch them away from her like with everyone else.

"You really do smell awful, old friend." Yuyuko giggled, as she dotingly stroked Yukari’s tangled and messy blonde hair. The pink-haired princess wrapped her other arm around her friend, holding her tightly and securely, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Yuyuko's compassionate embrace only made it even more difficult for Yukari to hold back her sobs, which escalated into weeps, then into full-on wails.

For a few minutes, Yuyuko's grasp was enough for Yukari to completely forget how disgusting she was, where she was, and even why she was crying to begin with.

Drowning in the overwhelming emotions she had been trying to keep at bay for so long, she just cried.

She cried more loudly and candidly than she had done in centuries. The loved ones she had lost, the years of their lives she had missed, the years of suffering she endured in her dream and her newfound fear of sleep itself ruptured from her throat in a powerful voice that unmistakably belonged to Yukari Yakumo.

But Yukari was barely recognisable as she was now. The hunched and shaking girl in Yuyuko's arms appeared young, small, human, vulnerable, and scared - the very antithesis of all Yukari Yakumo was, all she had crafted herself into.

Something about Yuyuko's familiarity, her smell, her touch, forcefully resurfaced sentimental memories from Yukari's earliest days as a youkai, and even the events that led to her first meeting with Yuyuko.

Humans... were painful. Being human... was painful.

Yukari indulged in her memories and regrets for... minutes? Hours? She wasn't sure, and no one was counting. Eventually though, as her voice and throat became physically exhausted, she grew aware of her conscious thoughts again and her sobs calmed and slowed.

"Y-Yuyuko..." Yukari finally choked and sniffled, upon finally realising Yuyuko had been holding her tightly the entire time "I'm sorry... I'm sorry for this disgusting display."

Yuyuko hummed gently, drumming her fingers lightly and rhythmically on her friend's head. "My dear Yukari... usually, 75 years seems like nothing to us, but I can tell your experience this time has been a significantly more human one."

After feeling Yuyuko squeeze her shoulders again, Yukari weakly pulled away. Her back ached from being hunched over her friend for so long. She rubbed some tears from her red eyes and vulnerably gazed around the room again, first to Yuyuko then to Suika.

Both of them were smiling gently and warmly. Suika's eyes even looked a little damp and red themselves.

"I..." Yukari fumbled over her words in shame, as she tried to collect her composure again. "I really must wash..."

Yuyuko nodded and calmly helped her up, though the ghost's hands were visibly shaking a little. "A warm bath will do you a world of good... Youmu?" she called out.

Youmu popped her head in through the sliding door. Despite her usual composure, she wore a poignant expression - it was highly unlikely that the thin door had blocked out the volume of Yukari's heavy cries. "The bath is ready for you, Lady Yukari. Would you like any assistance washing?"

"Youmu it's fine, I am happy to help her wash." Yuyuko quickly objected.

"No, that will not be necessary." Yukari grinned weakly, reluctant to be waited on more than she already had. "Gaps come in very handy for washing my own back."

Yuyuko smiled gently and gave her friend's shoulder another tender squeeze, before giving her a gentle shove towards Youmu. "All right... there is plenty of time to chat later. Please, take your time to feel re-energised."

A warm bath sounded nice, but nothing felt warmer and more comforting to Yukari at that time than the cold embrace of the ghost princess.

......

Now that she had been pressured to, Yukari washed very thoroughly. She was certain to properly groom and make herself look presentable - as much like her usual self as she could.

No matter how much makeup she used though, she was unable to hide how bony and thin she was looking, how unfocused and vacant her eyes were.

She had spent a good while in the bath, re-energising herself, lazing around. She drifted in and out of consciousness as she properly relaxed and her head worked through everything that had happened.

As Yukari clothed herself again, she curiously held her hand to her own heart. It was beating, as it had always done. It felt a little unenthused and limp, but it continued to beat defiantly as it would continue to do so for centuries to come.

Gathering up her courage and composure again, she drifted lightly back towards the main room, her long dress and hair flowing graciously along with her movement and reflecting the majesty she deigned for herself.

Was she forcing herself? Definitely. But she longed to be in control of both her self and her situation. She was grateful, but didn't want to appear that vulnerable again.

That was perhaps naively hopeful, though.

From the moment Yukari opened the door to the main room, only to see Yuyuko's red, tear-filled eyes with Youmu and Suika consoling her, she felt emotionally compromised once again.

They were in no hurry for things to go 'back to normal' like Yukari was. They loved her. They loved Reimu and Marisa. This was difficult for them, too.

"O-oh...! Yukari! How are you feeling?" Yuyuko wiped some tears from her eyes, her voice slightly choked. How much had she been crying?

All eyes turned towards Yukari as she wandered in, expression seeped in regret, and sat herself at the kotatsu opposite her friends. She gently bowed her head.

"I sincerely apologise for causing you all distress..." she said clearly.

Yuyuko scoffed, almost offended. "You silly girl. None of us like seeing you like this, but it has been harder on you than anyone. Stop forcing yourself to stay strong and just... be yourself, for once."

"But, you've been crying on my behalf... I've caused you pain." Yukari pouted in protest.

"No buts!" Yuyuko groaned. "Taking care of yourself means emotional health too. To use your own logic against you, how are you going to protect Gensokyo if you become a fragile old woman cracking under the weight of her own burdens? Be reasonable, let the friends who love you share your pain."

"Permission to speak, Lady Yuyuko." Youmu piped up.

"You stop being silly too." Yuyuko sighed. "This is not a formal situation. Right now... we're all just old friends, supporting one another."

Youmu nodded sheepishly. "R-right... uhm." she cleared her throat. "Lady Yukari, you mustn't blame yourself for Lady Yuyuko's tears. We always mourn when dear friends pass away, I of course shed many tears for them. But Lady Yuyuko loves you... she cried for them, and she also cried for how she knew you would feel to wake up in a Gensokyo without them."

Yuyuko nodded sadly. "I knew how much you loved them... you used to love talking about Reimu so, so much when you visited. When you spoke about her, your smiles lit up with the kind of genuine pride you scarcely ever showed about others. Her existence, her personality, everything about her was so exciting to you that it was just infectious! Marisa, too. You never showed it, but you secretly admired how a human like her could always defy logic and pull her weight."

Yuyuko beamed warmly, looking directly into Yukari's eyes. Yukari's lip quivered.

"I loved them, but you made me love them even more. Ran, too." Yuyuko paused and playfully pointed to her own, damp eyes. "As for all this? I cannot recall a time when you have ever cried that heavily before... and for how much I love you, I must admit I was shaken by how visceral it was."

Yukari bit her lip.

There was just one other occasion; a long, long time ago, when she had cried this heavily about anything.

She would rather not talk to Yuyuko about it, though.

Yuyuko reached over the kotatsu and gently stroked Yukari's face, gesturing her friend to look back at her. "It brought back a lot of difficult feelings and emotions, but that's okay, isn't it? Your tears are not an inconvenience to me, my tears would have fallen regardless."

"She's right!" Suika frowned, her fists on her hips. "You think you're weak for how you're reacting to their deaths, but I cried for ages when they died! Both of them!" she awkwardly rubbed the back of her head, jangling the chains on her belt. "I needed friends for support too, and it's been a bigger shock to you than anyone! So... just, stop taking yourself so seriously."

Finally feeling a little defeated by the strong youkai ganging up on her with such candid emotion, Yukari pouted and smiled weakly. She wiped her eyes again and took a deep breath.

"When..." she grinned, peering from Suika to Yuyuko. "Since when have you two been on speaking terms, anyway? Before I went to sleep, you had hated each other for centuries!"

Suika sheepishly rubbed the back of her head, and Yuyuko giggled from behind her hand fan. "Uhh." Suika mumbled. "It's nothing special, really. We just kinda supported each other when Reimu died, and have been tolerating each other for your sake since then."

"It's a little more amicable than just tolerance." Yuyuko giggled again. "But I suppose it's very oni-like of her to be stubborn like that."

The three of them chuckled together over something so small and petty - but it was the first time Yukari had laughed in quite a while. Tears of mourning were wiped away and replaced with tears of laughter, and even Youmu couldn't help but giggle along with them.

Diligent as ever though, Youmu read the mood and stood up again, clapping her hands together. "I think we must all be starving! So I will bring out the food and then prepare everyone's beds."

Yukari raised an eyebrow as Youmu hurried off, though she had expected this. Yuyuko's eyes lidded playfully as she grinned at Yukari.

"Yes, I'm afraid I must insist, Yukarin. Until you become healthy enough to serve as Gensokyo's shadowy manipulator again... I urge that you live here, with all of us."

"All of us?" Yukari scoffed playfully. She knew that resistance would be futile. "As in, Suika too?"

"You got a problem with that?" Suika grinned. "It'll be like a sleepover! All the time!"

"Aren't you... aren't we  _all_  a little old for that?" the blond youkai rolled her eyes - only for her malnourished stomach to growl loudly and rebelliously.

Almost as if synced with her friend, Yuyuko's stomach growled too. She gave Yukari one of her bubbliest smiles "Being old, carrying the weight of Gensokyo on your shoulders and never having any fun... it's all a little overrated, don't you think?"

These two were hopeless - they really weren't going to take no for an answer, were they? The strange dynamics they shared with Yukari, their unique perspectives and their genuine care for the blonde youkai made it difficult for her to stay miserable.

Admittedly, the thought of living with such loving company for a few weeks was appealing to Yukari too, who had begun to think that reparing her broken heart may not be impossible after all. Especially not if two of her closest friends were willing to put aside their differences to help her through this.

It was almost... too good to be true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, I finally introduced a couple of important characters whose roles in Yukari's situation are long overdue. It's a very emotional chapter and I got choked up a few times while writing it, especially Yukari's scenes with Yuyuko.
> 
> This chunk of the story (including what's yet to come) was very intimidating to write because of how emotionally heavy it is. I really wanted to put across how hopeless Yukari felt and how that contrasts with the emotional relief she feels from seeing her closest friends... i hope i succeeded.
> 
> You may have noticed that the story still isn't over yet. If it wasn't made obvious in the last few chapters, there's still something else going on. I wonder if anyone can figure it out?
> 
> \---------------  
> Glossary:  
> Kitsune - Japanese word for fox, but often used specifically for fox-youkai like Ran  
> Oni - an incredibly physically strong youkai, comparable to a demon or ogre. In Touhou, they are quite a rare youkai.  
> Tengu - a goblin-like youkai, often anthropomorphic crows  
> Phantom - in Touhou, a phantom is a lingering soul from a dead creature, though they can also be born from living humans and even objects. It is different to a ghost and usually appears as a wisp.  
> Ghost - in Touhou, a ghost is the soul of a deceased human but is more or less physical and has a body.  
> Yukarin - just a familiar nickname for Yukari, a contraction of Yukari-chan


	11. Home is Where the Heart Is

Pleasant and carefree days of pampering became weeks, then the weeks turned into months. Yukari had essentially been absorbed into Yuyuko's household, and somehow that ghost-shrine filled with ancient, long-lived youkai became more lively than it had been in a very long time.

After being waited on for a while, Yukari became more comfortable doing things for herself, such as fetching her own snacks, preparing her own baths and changing her own bedding. Of course, Youmu was more than happy to do any of these things and at first she insisted - but she often had her hands full serving Yuyuko alone. Yukari was simply eager to avoid causing discord.

Nonetheless, more actively looking after herself was certainly an improvement from the bed-ridden woman Yukari had been when she had first woken up. And while the others were still hesitant for Yukari to go outside very often until she was feeling better, Yukari didn't mind.

However, the more time Yukari spent there, the more all the naturally isolationist youkai fell back into old habits and schedules. This meant less of the "fun sleepover" type days that followed when Yukari first started living there, which admittedly did make her feel a little lonely.

That was just an inevitability of schedule though, wasn't it? When things became mundane, they stopped being special. Long-lived youkai knew this better than anyone. It didn't help that both Yukari and Yuyuko were quite introverted and anti-social to begin with.

So once again, hearing stories about Gensokyo became the spice of Yukari's life.

Of  _course_  she became increasingly interested in stories from the rest of Gensokyo. Gensokyo was ultimately Yukari's passion, that which drove her very existence. It always had been! As her heart slowly mended, she once again became fascinated with what was happening in her beloved dominion.

Sure, she could have left easily, at any time - but she was still hesitant to go out herself and was especially hesitant to visit Hakurei Shrine. So, for now, this validated her isolationist attitude.

Aya braved the flight to the Netherworld to drop a newspaper off a few times a month, and Suika certainly wasn't the type to stay sat still for too long.

Suika had loved Hakurei Shrine more than ever since Reimu's era, and she already got along well with the new Hakurei shrine maiden - so she visited quite often. It was as popular a spot as ever with youkai, so it was always a great place to pick fights - much to a certain green-haired god's irritation.

One evening though, Suika came back from Hakurei Shrine with an uneasy look on her face.

Yukari had been sat on Hakugyokurou's walkway, calmly sipping tea and watching the phantoms dance through the Netherworld's sky, when she noticed Suika reform from mist in the courtyard.

"My my, you look like you've seen something very interesting indeed." Yukari playfully inquired, a curious grin spreading across her face.

Suika approached the ghost shrine, seeming quite restless. "Is Yuyuko around?"

Hearing Suika say that, Yukari raised an eyebrow.

"I'm here." Yuyuko gently responded, as she emerged from the shrine with another tray of tea and snacks and sat besides Yukari. "Did something happen?"

"You know that spoilt celestial? Tenshi Hinanawi?" Suika began. Both Yukari and Yuyuko nodded, their eyes lidding slightly.

"She's been acting weird lately as it is, but it kinda seems like she's finally lost it." the oni frowned as she put a hand on her hip. "She exploded at the shrine maidens, saying stuff like 'no one loves me' and crying that even Shion left her."

"Shion left her?" Yukari leant lazily on a gap as she tossed pieces of mandarin into her mouth. "That truly is a shame, the celestial and poverty god dynamic was a good match."

Suika poked her fingers together anxiously. "That's the thing... she was acting like Shion left her a really, really long time ago... which contradicts a lot of what we know, to say the least."

Yukari's eyes widened with intrigue, like a spark had been lit in them, while Yuyuko's eyes widened with something a little more akin to dread.

"Something like this was actually mentioned in the latest Bunbunmaru." Yukari noted, pulling a newspaper out from a gap. "Happy Couple or Divorced Duo? Confused celestial trips over her own memory!" she read aloud in a melodramatic, performative voice. "I had assumed it was sensationalist garbage, but this  _is_  quite interesting indeed!"

"It's like... she remembers two different histories, and isn't sure which is real." Suika clenched her fists, looking anxiously at Yuyuko.

"It sounds like an incident!" Yukari snapped her fan shut, finally feeling excited enough to get her thinking cap on again for the first time in a while. "Has anyone even seen Shion, lately?"

Yuyuko shook her head. "No." She anxiously drummed her fingers on her elbow. "If Suika is anything like me, we both assumed Shion was a regular presence - but come to think of it I cannot remember the last time I actually saw her in person."

Suika nodded. "Yuyuko, I think we better discuss this with Youmu inside." Yuyuko nodded too, and they both headed in. Yukari got up to follow them, but Yuyuko squeezed her shoulder and sat her back down.

"Sorry, Yukarin. I believe it best for your health if you do not get involved, leave this to us."

Yukari raised an eyebrow, increasingly confused. "Surely it would be best for the shrine maidens to handle an incident like this?"

"Well, yeah." Suika tilted her head. "They were both there when it happened, they'll figure something out. See you later, Yukari."

"And don't try to listen in~" Yuyuko winked playfully. "We don't want you getting any ideas or trying anything dangerous~." she chimed, before they headed inside, shutting the doors behind them.

Yukari pouted and stuffed a few more mandarin slices in her mouth. After waiting a minute or so, she rebelliously opened a small gap with the intention of eavesdropping regardless of Yuyuko's advice.

But... she couldn't hear anything.

Just... static? Some muttering... Yeah, she was sure this was their voices. All three of them. Some sort of interference barrier must have been set up, but Yukari couldn't imagine why they would go through the trouble. Was it really that important for Yukari to be left in the dark?

She scowled. This just made her want to hear it even more. This kind of loss of control... was exactly the kind of thing that made Yukari anxious.

Almost in example of how much better she was feeling though, she confronted them directly during dinner that evening. Initially, she was met with disregardful responses such as "we didn't want to worry you" and "just relax, it's for your own good."

Still Yukari insisted that it was important for her to know, that not knowing what was going on in Gensokyo made her concerned she would miss something important. Yuyuko always was a softy around Yukari, so she apologetically gave in.

She told Yukari that Suika and herself had actually been observing Tenshi for some time already. They were worried that, if left unchecked, Tenshi's power could cause catastrophic damage to innocent human or youkai settlements.

The ghost princess even seemed a little embarrassed as she explained that Suika, Youmu and herself had formed something of an incident-resolving team to honour Reimu's memory, even though Sanae and the young Hakurei girl were typically Gensokyo's primary incident-resolvers.

Yuyuko gave Yukari a gentle squeeze and assured her everything would be fine, that they wouldn't exclude her again.

Yuyuko always seemed to know how to make Yukari feel better.

That was really all that was needed!

Yukari was just so. Easily. Placated.

* * *

It was probably for the best that Yukari didn't get involved, actually. Perhaps as a side-effect of her depression, or a development in mysterious incident involving Tenshi, she soon found herself unable to use her gaps properly.

The others continued to tell her she was on the mend, and Youmu even went to visit the doctor at Eientei to get advice for her. All that was suggested was what Yuyuko had been saying all along: plenty of good food, rest, and support.

Yukari was increasingly frustrated though. She had finally become more fascinated with Gensokyo again, only to lose even more of that control she craved. She actually began to grow more anxious again without the use of her gaps. After all, what was a 'gap youkai' without gaps? Was she even a 'youkai' at all?

As that question began to plague her mind more and more, Yukari developed a new, paranoid habit. She would periodically hold her hand to her chest - just to check that her heart was still there.

"I... wonder if I'll die too, someday."

Understandably, mortality had been weighing on Yukari's mind a lot since she woke up, but now she found herself wondering again about her own existence as a youkai. She couldn't help but bring the subject up one evening, at dinner.

"Kind of a depressing subject." Suika chuckled, raising an eyebrow.

"Not a rare one though." Yuyuko tilted her head, staring at her friend in concern as she munched on a large rice ball. "What brought this on, dear Yukari?"

"Since Ran passed... since my power over gaps weakened... I've been thinking about what makes a youkai really 'alive' in the first place. Or rather, what makes it exist."

Yuyuko nodded sheepishly, seeming a little anxious. "Yes, for I am not alive, and yet here I am."

The blonde woman nodded back. "A youkai is born entirely from the illogical fears of humanity. It is conjured, it was never truly alive to begin with."

Yukari then delicately plucked a sharp mandarin-cutting knife from the kotatsu and swiftly brought up across her wrist, making a clean and fresh cut in her porcelain skin. Blood began to drip quickly from the wound, onto Yukari's food plate. Yuyuko frowned.

"But... I bleed. I bleed, I have organs, my heart beats. My youkai form was conjured in a way that matches that of human biology, but why? None of it is real. I have never needed this blood or my heart to know that I exist as a youkai, but yet they reassure me in some way."

"Yukari, your food..." Yuyuko pouted. "I hope that knife was not infected..."

Yukari waved her hand nonchalantly as her other arm continued to drip with blood. "I had finished eating, and it was clean. I shall wash and disinfect it all later, but let me finish."

Yuyuko looked to Suika with concern as Yukari dexterously pulled a red ribbon from her dress and used it as a makeshift bandage, tugging the knot on one end with her free hand and the other with her mouth. Suika just shrugged.

"I just wonder... what it is about youkai that make them take human-like forms so often?" Yukari held her hand to her heartbeat again. "Is it foolish to think humans and youkai could ever live alongside each other or love each other, knowing how fundamentally different we truly are?"

Yuyuko shook her head. "You're overthinking it. Youkai may not be 'real' facts of science and biology in the sense an animal is, but the line between human and youkai is still blurred. Youkai take human-like forms for many reasons, to prey on humans, because the human form is convenient, or maybe because they themselves were human once too."

Yuyuko's eyes lidded, her melancholy expression suddenly weighing on the mood in the room.

"Look at me... I used to be human - and yet now I am a youkai."

Yukari bit her lip, suddenly resentful that she had brought up the subject at all. She of course already knew everything Yuyuko had said, but her philosophical musings had not been satisfied and instead things had been made... uncomfortable.

The ghost princess forced a smile, resting her cheek on her fist as she knocked the last morsel of food around on her plate with her chopsticks. "Hahah... perhaps Reimu and Marisa became ghosts, like I did?"

For a moment, her gaze met Yukari's - and Yukari's stomach churned. What was Yuyuko doing, asking that in such a facetious way? The blonde youkai could feel sweat beading on her forehead as she shot glances at Suika and Youmu - both looking at Yukari curiously.

They expected an answer to the question Yuyuko already knew the answer to. Yukari furrowed her brow, knowingly taking the bait her best friend had set for her.

"A human who passes on without regrets leaves the mortal world forever. Reimu and Marisa were satisfied with their lives... so they have moved on to the afterlife."

"Then I suppose I was not satisfied with mine." Yuyuko smiled wryly at her friend, causing an intense, aching discomfort in Yukari's heart. "... For here I am! A ghost! A ghost of at least a thousand years, no less. What level of deep regret would that require, I wonder?"

Yukari quickly stood up as anxiety shot through her legs and made her jittery. She bowed slightly to her friends. "Forgive me, I am still feeling unwell. I think I'll retired for the night."

"Good night, Yukarin~." Yuyuko chimed in droll tones. Youmu looked to Suika, confused, but Suika could only shrug again with a concerned look on her own face.

What was that? What  _was_ that? Yukari held her bandaged wrist to her thumping forehead as she marched briskly back to her room. Panic spread through her body like the very blood in her veins as she replayed the last few moments over and over in her head.

Yuyuko was a playful person. She loved her banter - especially with Yukari. But this... this was different. Neither woman was at all fond of dwelling on the past, bringing up the past - so why all of a sudden? Why did Yuyuko suddenly seem show such resentment? Why did it appear to be directed  _at_  Yukari?

Perhaps Yukari should have stayed... perhaps she should have stayed to talk through Yuyuko's apparent issue rather than panicking and running away. But Suika was there, Youmu was there. This was something so personal, she didn't want to make a show of it.

No... moreso than that, this subject was something Yukari desperately wished to avoid revisiting, not while she was the most vulnerable she had been in centuries.

Avoiding her problems like this was beginning to become something of an issue though. Since that night, Yukari found it increasingly difficult to speak with Yuyuko without a stilted tension gripping the air.

Yukari's sickness meant she could not gap out of Hakugyokurou, and she was still not physically fit enough to make the trip out of the Netherworld by flying or walking either. She had tried a couple of times, but on both occasions a diligent and concerned Youmu had pleaded for her to return and get some rest.

It was almost like Yukari was... trapped.

Trapped in a house full of people she loved but could not comfortably speak to. Despite their best efforts, Yukari's anxiety was aggravated rather than subdued.

A few weeks passed in this deepeningly tense atmosphere, and Yukari once again found it regularly difficult to sleep. Or rest properly at all. The loud thumping of her heart droned on and on, her head plagued with loud, incessant questions about herself, mortality, the dead, Yuyuko, Gensokyo, all of it.

So one night she decided to do something about it. A visit to the facilities to splash her face, a walk around the courtyard at night to clear her head, anything was more productive than tossing and turning. She wouldn't let this beat her. She was on the mend.

But as she ambled lightly through the midnight shrine, Yukari noticed the main room was dimly lit by an eerie, turquoise glow. Certainly not the usual glow of the night sky, or any low-level phantom.

' _Youmu?_ ' Yukari thought, quieting her steps as she pressed her back against the wall to listen in.

... Sure enough, she could hear muttering. The voices of two... no, three people. Could it be?

Yukari opened a small gap with the limited power she had and was met with exactly what she was afraid of. That bizarre... static interference.

... There was no reason to distrust them, right? They were probably just worried about her and did not want to make her sickness worse with something unnecessary. Yukari told herself it was a one-off occasion they simply did not want to bother her with, and tried to return to sleep.

Yet her stomach churning curiosity got the better of her over the course of the following nights - and her fears were confirmed. Not an isolated event, no; there were frequent meetings between the other three in that room in the middle of the night, amid no light but the spectral glows of phantoms.

Meetings they were going out of their way to pretend weren't happening.

Yuyuko had... lied...

She had lied, knowingly, to Yukari's face. She was still lying.

As her doubts and fears became reality, Yukari's paranoia worsened. Her day-to-day behaviour became jittery and defensive, she would often leave her meals only half-eaten.

"Finish your food, Yukari. Don't you want to get better?" Suika teased, her fangs and claws seeming sharper and more monstrous, her horns more curled and contorted than ever before.

"Are you not sleeping well, Yukarin?" Yuyuko asked, her cold, deathly aura penetrating Yukari's body as she gently placed a hand on Yukari's forehead to check her temperature.

"Do you need me to get anything for you, Lady Yukari?" Youmu politely asked, her eyes and phantom-half baring an uncanny glow as she woke Yukari one morning.

These comments of concern came all the time. Every day and night was the same thing. The same, mundane schedule. The same shrine, the same meals, the same hospitality from the same three people. In this Netherworld where nothing ever changed.

At least, it was supposed to be the same. Instead, Yukari's apprehension grew every day. Their actions seemed less and less sincere, more and more like toying. Was she just imagining it? Was this just paranoia at play?

It didn't matter. This wasn't normal at all, was it? This wasn't normal at all! The information gathering gap-youkai, who valued control and knowledge above all other things, was being undermined by those she considered her closest allies.

And the more Yukari doubted them the more everything about this stunk. Suika living with Yuyuko? Really? The blonde youkai rolled her eyes bitterly. Sticking around for a bit she could understand, but it had been months and Suika was still there. Not only that, but Suika and Yuyuko seemed closer to each other than Yukari felt to either of them.

Yuyuko and Suika holding incident-resolving meetings in the first place was highly suspect too. Inspired by Reimu and Yukari or not, it was completely unlike them! Wasn't it?

But what if her judgement was misplaced? Nothing like this had ever happened before. What if there really was something unusual going on at Hakugyokurou? People changed over the course of 75 years. 75 years was life-changing.

No, Yukari shook her head. She remembered she was not human. She remembered her company was not human. 75 years was nothing.

Enough. Enough was enough. Her power may have waned, but she still had considerable physical strength. If she had to fight something out of them, she could certainly hold her own. At... at least against Youmu and Yuyuko. She hoped.

Days and nights of this unnerving humdrum would come to an end by force. Tonight. One way or another.

* * *

 

Yukari stood before the eerie turquoise glow of the main room. The same three voices could be heard muttering inside, in the dark, amid nothing but the dim light of ghosts and phantoms.

Yukari's paranoia had reached boiling point - she could no longer ignore the uncertainties and questions bubbling up within. These were all such unfamiliar, disgusting feelings to her; they made her feel uncertain, they made her feel powerless, they made her feel small.

But no matter how formidable the door before her seemed in that moment, she swallowed down her thumping heart and assertively slid it open.

She was met with a sight that a human might expect to see in a ghost shrine. Nothing but a mist-laden darkness filled with the thick aura of the undead.

This was not what Yukari had expected to see, however.

Three shadowy figures swayed listlessly in the room, ghastly, faceless. Their featureless expressions gyrated listlessly towards their new visitor, their eyes glowing so intensely that Yukari could only tell her friends apart the distinctive colours of their souls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think things were going to actually get BETTER did you??
> 
> the aim of this chapter was to create a feeling of anxiety and unease, so I hope I accomplished that much. I haven't really tried to solicit nervousness through writing before, so it was really challenging. As Yukari begins to question everything, i hope the reader has a lot of questions too. As before, I really loved writing Yukari and Yuyuko's interactions most and I hope you can see why Yuyuko's behaviour is particularly unnerving for Yukari.
> 
> Look forward to what's coming up next, because if you thought this has already been weird you've seen nothing yet!
> 
> The way things are going, the story will probably end up with close to 15 chapters. Unless I particularly struggle with editing some of the later chapters, I still intend on uploading one a week until it's finished.
> 
> \-----------------------  
> Glossary:  
> Eientei - a mansion in Gensokyo where refugees from the moon reside  
> kotatsu - a heated table with a blanket covering its sides, perfect for relaxing in cold weather  
> Phantom - in Touhou, a phantom is a lingering soul from a dead creature, though they can also be born from living humans and even objects. It is different to a ghost and usually appears as a wisp.  
> Ghost - in Touhou, a ghost is the soul of a deceased human but is more or less physical and has a body.  
> Yukarin - just a familiar nickname for Yukari, a contraction of Yukari-chan


	12. Home is Where the Heart Dies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /-/Content Warning: some things in this chapter could be perceived as child abuse/-/
> 
> If you want to skip over those sections just to be on the safe side, stop reading at "but you can still make it up to me!" and search the page (ctrl+f, 'find on page', etc) for "yukari suddenly" to start reading again from there.

As Yukari's eyes adjusted to the room, the trio's nightmarish, youkai-like features softened until she could make out Suika's embarrassed grin, Youmu's tired frown and Yuyuko's bubbly smile.

Yukari sighed, her hands resting on her hips as her nerves calmed. "What exactly... are you three doing in here?" she asked resolutely.

"It's no big deal, we were just talking about how you're kind of a pain to look after." Youmu nonchalantly chided.

"... Pardon?" Yukari raised an eyebrow, but her confident facade was again beginning to feel overwhelmed by how confused and admittedly frightened she was. Her increasingly loud heartbeat quickened to the same sickeningly anxious pace she had felt when Ran died.

Youmu almost never spoke out of line, especially not to insult someone like that. Yuyuko would typically be quick to reprimand her too.

Instead, Yuyuko just giggled innocently. "Indeed, you're quite a handful Yukarin! Always sneaking around at night. Did you think we wouldn't notice?"

"I _can_ turn myself into mist, y'know." Suika sheepishly rubbed the back of her head "I could always tell where you were."

"You've been... spying on me. And lying to me." Yukari frowned. "What purpose do these meetings serve, that you are so desperate for me to not be a part of?" she glared at Yuyuko with pained eyes, hurt that she had lied so plainly - but Yuyuko's gaze was distant.

"They're not important, really." Suika shrugged. "Most of the time we're just chatting! Getting closer, talking about incidents, discussing how weak you've become, that kinda thing."

Yukari furrowed her brow, but tried to avoid showing her genuine discomfort. It felt like there was so much she was missing... what had happened here in the last 75 years? Or was it just her that had changed - was Yukari taking things too personally because she was vulnerable when she would normally have just shrugged it all off?

She confidently strode to join them at the kotatsu and helped herself to a few of their snacks, their intensely glowing eyes trained on her the whole time. "You discuss my weaknesses with intent to help me recover, I hope? If not, then I was perhaps correct to have initially refused Suika's invitation to come here."

"I wonder." Yuyuko tapped a finger on her chin in thought for a few moments, her ghostly pink gaze penetrating Yukari. "It's just... you seem to care a lot about your heart, and being alive, lately. But do you really care? Did you ever?"

Yukari froze with guilt, sweat beginning to form on her face and the subtle shuddering of her fists betraying her attempts to keep up her demeanour - but she remained determined to hold eye-contact with her friend.

"Isn't it true that you only cared about Reimu, Marisa and Ran because they were convenient to you?" Yuyuko continued. "They essentially ran Gensokyo for you while you hid away, distancing yourself and fancying yourself the big cheese... you allegedly realised you 'cared' once they were already dead, and isn't that largely because their deaths inconvenienced you?"

Yukari didn't care? Of course she cared! She always had! Just because she had... never really showed them, while they were alive... didn't mean...

"That Ran was really quite the weakling too, wasn't she!" Youmu scoffed. "What kind of shikigami is so useless that she lets her own shikigami die? What kind of shikigami is so faulty that her own power and even her original body vanishes like that? Did you fail to properly program her or something?"

Yukari grit her teeth. It didn't matter, it didn't matter that Ran should have been able to survive - she  _didn't_. She still died. Ran was still dead, no matter how pathetic her death seemed, Yukari had still lost someone she... thought she loved.

Yukari's attempts to maintain eye-contact began to fail as dread washed over. Her eyes darted around the dark room for... some... kind... of explanation. But the only things in that empty room were the other youkai women, glaring through her.

Sensing Yukari's increasingly jittery mannerisms, Yuyuko walked around the table and sat close to her. She gently ran a cold hand through Yukari's long, golden hair and spoke softly. "You always were just terrible at caring, weren't you? So many awful, cruel things have happened to good people on your ‘careful’ watch..."

The blonde youkai looked away. She bit down hard on her lip as she tried to drown out her own self-doubts, now exacerbated by the cutthroat words of her closest friend. She wanted so badly to leave. To just go home. But Yuyuko's pleasant perfume, her cool embrace, the stench of death that dripped from her skin, had paralysed Yukari on the spot. Was she frozen out of shame? Out of fear? Or was this something else entirely?

Yuyuko cupped Yukari's chin in her soft, ghastly hand and yanked it to face her. "Mm... you even ran away from me that night we spoke about death... you remember? You really mustn't keep running from your issues like this, my dear Yukarin."

Youmu stood straight and slammed the hilt of her sword onto the tatami flooring with a thunk. "I think it's time. Come, Lady Yuyuko."

"What are you... doing...?" Yukari asked weakly, suddenly feeling heavy and lethargic as Yuyuko let go to stand up.

"For your own good... for the good of Gensokyo... your dearest friends need to teach you how to care. For you are so, so awful at it!" the ghost princess giggled. "Stay here and be patient..." her words lingered as giggling continued to echo through the darkness.

" _we'll. take. good. care. of. you._ "

Yukari exasperatedly forced herself up to follow them, but Suika effortlessly dispersed some mist from her arm and held the already lethargic woman in place. "Don't bother trying to leave, by the way. That interference barrier we used on this room works pretty well on weak gap youkai."

"W-wait! For gods’ sake!" Yukari's tone escalated as she finally found her voice "I care, I always  _have_  cared! You all told me it was okay to mourn at my own pace, to deal with the reality of death in my own way! What the hell is the matter with all of you!?"

The other three continued to drift limply out of the room as Yukari yelled hopelessly after them. They stared back at her, emptily, from the doorway. Their shadows loomed heavily over her - and Yukari could barely even make out their faces through the dark.

Yuyuko's bleak and empty face only mouthed something Yukari couldn't hear.

And the door was slammed shut.

Finally free from the restraints of Suika's mist, Yukari's weakened body sprang up and darted towards the door, flinging it open as quickly as was feasibly possible. She walked through the door into the dark.

...Only to find herself back in that dark, dreary main room.

Of course, she quickly tried every other door from the room but the result was as expected - all the room’s doors were the same.

Frustrated and tired, Yukari eloquently sat herself down at the kotatsu and rested her chin on her fist. She irritably tapped her fingers along the table as she buried her mind in thought. Then she loudly and rhythmically tapped the base of her fan against the table instead.

For a time, Yukari racking her brains over the hows and whys was enough to distract herself from the despair of knowing that two of the women she trusted above all others had betrayed her. Maybe. She certainly  _felt_  betrayed. Undermined. Completely humiliated.

Ultimately, all of Yukari's attempts at conjuring up a logical theory on her situation came back to that gut-wrenching possibility of betrayal, or that her friends themselves had been undermined or altered somehow.

_'Am I being held captive?' 'Did something happen to them?' 'Did they do something to me?'_

Her initially hopeful attempts at forming a hypothesis or plan were gradually replaced with despair. Her elegant and proper demeanour faded as she slumped - both mentally and physically - finding it more comfortable to rest her fatigued body against the wall than at that cold and drafty kotatsu.

Her gaps were useless. She lacked a shikigami. Yukari had never, not once, considered quite how simple it would be to completely drain her of all her power and influence - if she were merely betrayed by her friends and locked away.

For now, all Yukari could do was try to sleep and hope that she could either persuade or fight the others off... If, they ever came to feed her.

Sleep, huh... it felt more and more like a curse.

It had always been a double-edged sword, to be sure. It replenished the ancient youkai's energy, but it was certainly true that she had missed some important things because of it.

Now though, that was putting it lightly. She had endured a lonely nightmare because of sleep, and had awoken in an even lonelier reality where sleep frightened her more than ever. Only her throbbing heart reassured her that she was still here at all.

Nonetheless, she slept. She thought she slept. She  _must_  have dozed off. For at least a few hours? Again and again.

The pitch of this room never changed. It just stayed... dark. Gloomy. The thick aura of the dead lingered and never dispersed. What time was it outside? Would the rays of the sun even reach in here?

' _I should at least try to sleep until the sun comes out_ ' Yukari thought, trying to convince herself that she wasn't as trapped as she feared. So she rested her eyes again... and again...

Surely for hours. Surely. It felt more like days.

Aggh... how long would they keep her waiting!? It was so unclear how long she had waited... but she was getting so hungry! It almost felt like her stomach was going to digest itself!

To keep the hunger pain at bay, she slumped pathetically onto her side and curled up.

"Mm... maybe so long as Sanae and the other sages are around, I'm not necessary to Gensokyo anyway..." Yukari mumbled aloud, as the thought of dying in here briefly tantalised her mind.

As Yukari once again found herself wondering if she would die someday, the main door to the room slid gently open. A faint light slinked into the room as Yuyuko waddled pleasantly in towards the kotatsu, a sweet smile plastered on her face and a tray of hot food and tea in her hands. It smelled wonderful... a concoction of exciting and mouth-watering flavours danced in Yukari's nose.

"Breakfast is ready!" she chimed. "Usually Youmu does the hand-waiting, but I insisted on checking up on you!" she gently set the tray down on the kotatsu as Yukari feebly forced herself up from the floor.

"B-Breakfast...?" Yukari asked, her eyes heavily lidded. "How long have I been in here...?"

"Mm... Around 6 hours? I wanted to bring you breakfast bright and early! But goodness, Yukarin... your skin looks awfully pale, did you not sleep well?"

Yukari scowled, unsure whether she should be furious at Yuyuko's apparent facetiousness or furious at herself for doubting Yuyuko so much.

She picked herself up to a stand and wobbled towards the door, resisting the powerful urge to bury her face in those bowls of food. "I'd... like to get some sunlight and fresh air, if that's all right with you... dear friend."

"The food is nutritious enough - you don't need the sun." Yuyuko responded aloofly. Yukari ignored her and continued to head towards the door.

"We insist." came Suika's voice from outside the room, as she suddenly grew in size and completely blocked the doorway. "Are you determined to be a pain to handle? I wonder if I should do something about that." the oni shot Yuyuko a look, and Yuyuko nodded.

Suika snapped her fingers and Yukari was immediately engulfed with an intensely peculiar sensation. She lost balance and collapsed to her knees mere meters from the door.

Yukari grasped in panic at her aching chest as she noticed a thin, black vapour escaping her body through any orifice or pore it could find - and Suika clutched it all within her sharply clawed hand.

Suddenly the room around her seemed much... much bigger. The door seemed that much further away.

"What... did you do... to me...?" the blonde youkai panted, admittedly relieved she could still even talk. It didn't take her long to figure out that Suika had pulled mist from her to alter her mass and size. "Did you...!?"

"Aww you're so cute!" Yuyuko pressed her hands to her cheeks in glee. "Now it's like we're looking after a younger child version of Yukarin!"

Yukari's face reddened in anger and exasperation as she once again tried to comprehend what was going on and why. "Wh-why are you doing this!?" Yukari lost her temper and yelled, her smaller voice cracking slightly.

"There there little one, it's okay." Yuyuko knelt down next to Yukari and cradled her head. "You've disappointed us... but you can still make it up to me!" she ruffled the youkai girl's long blonde hair affectionately.

... She then seized Yukari's face and yanked her jaw so they faced one another. She clutched harder at Yukari's chin when the blonde girl tried desperately to look away, and locked her glowing cherry-blossom eyes with Yukari's golden orbs.

"You just need to tell me... why... you let me die?"

A paltry squeak escaped Yukari's throat as she struggled harder, but the tight grip of Yuyuko's cold and clammy hand on her chin was too much. Yuyuko's gaze and words cut like a knife deep into Yukari's mind - and the moment she noticed Yuyuko's eyes were watering the knife was driven straight down into Yukari's heart with absolutely zero resistance.

Yukari's eyes welled up with tears almost immediately. She winced, gritting her teeth in pain as she tried to swallow down her squeals, but Yuyuko's grip kept overwhelming her.

Giving the blonde girl a wistful grin, Yuyuko bitterly let go of her chin. Yukari fell to the floor and coughed for air through her onslaught of tears.

"Why. Did you let me  _die_." Yuyuko repeated mercilessly.

"I-I...!" Yukari blubbered through her chokes. "I didn't...!"

"You let me die, Yukarin. I will never pass on into the afterlife because I died with such heavy regret... that's right, isn't it? And it's because of you that I have these regrets, isn't it?"

"N-no! I-I would never, I would never, I tried so hard, I-I..."

"You didn't try hard enough, Yukari. I died a lonely, painful death... you were one of the only people I had, weren't you? But you  _still_  let me die... why? How could you do something so  _cruel_?"

Yukari clenched her fists and hid her ashamed face in them, curling herself into a ball on the ground as tears streamed down her cheeks and her throat could only coax out meek sobs and hiccups.

She could no longer muster up any words, but it wasn't like she had any arguments to make. This was what she had been so desperately trying to avoid since she woke up, and her accumulated bad karma had crunched down on her vulnerable heart in the most vicious imaginable way.

It really was. All her fault. Wasn't it... she had thought it back then at least, but... Those wounds, now reopened, still stung so deeply after over a millennia.

Now Reimu, Marisa, Kosuzu, Chen, Ran; they had all died too. Some had died because of Yukari's mistakes. Others had died while Yukari was making mistakes.

She felt Yuyuko's fingers stroking her hair and her back. "For a shadowy protector of Gensokyo... you've been a failure from point one. Since before Gensokyo even existed you have failed to protect the things you supposedly care about. You've been living as a youkai for well over a thousand years... don't you think it's time you finally learnt?"

Yukari's mustered up the strength to peer at her best friend out the corner of her red eyes, her stomach wincing in pain from hunger and the convulsions of her merciless sobs. Yuyuko smiled down at her and gently stroked her face.

"Everyone is just so, so tired of how many people have been hurt by your mistakes, Yukarin." Yuyuko fanned herself in woe, her tears mysteriously dried and her skin a ghastly pale. "But childhood is the best time to learn from one's mistakes, so be a good girl... and  _learn_!"

The ghost princess gave Yukari's shoulder one last reassuring squeeze and stood up to exit the room without looking back, leaving Yukari's pitiful and minuscule figure sprawled on the tear-stained tatami flooring.

"Don't forget to eat, Yukari!" Suika waved from the doorway. "Growing girls need to take care of themselves!"

Slide.  _Click_.

The illusion of light was broken. The light that Yukari had completely forgotten was there until it had been taken away from her. The youkai girl became suddenly aware of how silent and bleak the room was, besides the endless echoing of her own pathetic whimpers and sniffles.

Yukari had already been starving before Yuyuko had brought the food, but now her body was a fraction of its usual size. Her energy depleted far more thoroughly than usual. Even crying was exhausting, though her diaphragm ached to cry, her throat could barely handle much more.

She crawled herself through the murky, dark miasma towards the cold metal table. She thirstily drank from the thick, dirty water. She hungrily plunged her hands into the bowl of cold, mouldy food. She forced herself to eat, if only to silence the bare-fanged growling of her excruciating stomach and to afford herself the energy she needed to keep crying.

Then, the young, blonde girl quietly wept herself to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

"I have to live, for Gensokyo." Yukari mumbled to herself in the dark. "I have to live, for Gensokyo."

She wasn't sure how many more minutes or hours or days or weeks had passed since light had last entered this room, but she had found ways to pass the time! She had crafted a makeshift metronome out of the food bowl and broken chopsticks left in the room earlier, as well as some damp straw from the musty tatami flooring.

It didn't work very well, though. What did she expect? She was just a dumb kid. So her attempts at counting how many minutes had passed were futile.

Yukari slumped back against the wall and wiped some dry tears from her eyes. She had been crying again, because of the people who had died because of her.

She fondly thought back to lunchtime... her and the others ate happily together. Her food was kind of gross, but that was okay. Her best friend, Yuyuko, had even kindly reminded her that she was dead, and that it was all Yukari's fault.

Hmm... Did that lunch... really happen? She rubbed her temple... yeah, of course it did! Maybe she had just slept through it, but it definitely happened.

Yukari rhythmically knocked the back of her head against the wall for being so stupid. She quietly whimpered as she hit her head against the wall harder. Then the tears welled up. She sobbed to herself again for a few minutes... a small corner of her heart hoping that maybe someone would come and offer her some comfort.

"I'm scared... Y-Yuyuko... I'm... I'm scared! I'm scared!!"

But maybe that was selfish... she didn't want to get in trouble for making another mistake.

To distract herself from her painful stomach and the fear of Yuyuko or Suika punishing her for crying too much, she shut her eyes and forced herself to sleep again.

 

* * *

 

 

Yukari suddenly became aware of the distinct smell of steel, and a cold smoothness against her neck. She forced open her eyes to see light filtering into the room.

"Good morning, Youmu." Yukari's dry throat forced out hoarsely.

"It's evening." Youmu muttered. She was holding her long, pristine katana less than an inch from Yukari's neck.

"I don't suppose this is... dinner?" Yukari grinned weakly, her voice finding its feet. "You know I'm not the kind of youkai that eats metal."

"Quiet." Youmu snapped in a whisper, pressing the flat of her sword against Yukari's neck. Judging by the surface area Yukari could feel against her neck, she deduced she must have returned to her normal body at some point.

"I'm afraid I intentionally messed up on the dinner” Youmu continued, “so I had an opportunity to kill you before the others got here."

"Kill me?" Yukari chuckled, her neck involuntarily teasing the sharp edge of the sword. "Why ever would you want to do that? Silly girl."

Youmu winced in anger. "Ever since you woke up... ever since you came here... Lady Yuyuko has been crying every day. She cries every single day, even now. Did you know that?"

"I cannot say I did." Yukari lazily responded. "Perhaps I might have noticed if my dear friend ever let me spend any time with her. Why has she been crying, pray tell?"

"Why do you think?" Youmu grumbled. "It's because of you."

The blonde youkai rolled her eyes and laughed again - this time a fake laugh. "She loves to talk about care, but does Yuyuko even care about me? She locked me  _in here_."

"She cares." Youmu responded emptily. "She cares perhaps too much. It's painful to see her like this, so I wanted to put her out of her misery."

Yeah. Because that made sense. As Yukari woke up, she felt life return to her limbs... but the sword at her neck kept her still. She appeared nonchalant, but she was scared. She was simply too dehydrated to sweat, too hungry and powerless to fight back.

"Youmu... please... think about this. What good can I do her if I'm dead?"

"You'd make a better ghost than youkai."

...Ghost? What? But that didn't-

"Farewell, Lady Yukari." Youmu declared, clenching her sword firmly in both her hands, and-.

"Y- _Youmu_!!?" a panicked yell came from the doorway, followed by the sound of footsteps hastily thudding along tatami flooring. Yukari felt the metal relieve itself of her neck as Yuyuko grabbed Youmu and pulled her away from her friend. "What the  _hell_  are you doing, stupid girl!? I didn't give you permission to come in here!"

Youmu bowed her head deeply to Yuyuko before standing up straight and looking her directly in the eyes again. "Hear me out, Lady Yuyuko. This woman has caused you so much agony, and will surely continue to do so. Perhaps... if she were more like you... she could become someone more perpetual. Reliable."

"Someone like me? You mean dead." Yuyuko asked dryly. Youmu nodded, to which Yuyuko simply giggled. Yukari chuckled to herself weakly, too - there was no way they would try to make a ghost out of a youkai. That would be nonsensical and foolhardy.

Yuyuko turned to Yukari and gave her a hapless smile, sighing out through her nose. Yukari couldn't help but smile back, her friend's bubbly smile somehow relieving her heart. Yuyuko flicked out her folded hand fan and tapped it to her chin.

"You know..." she mused. "That may not be such a bad idea."

"... _What_?" Yukari muttered, raising an eyebrow in disbelief. Yuyuko walked towards Yukari as a grin spread across her face.

"I'm saying, maybe you  _should_  die! Good idea Youmu! Marvellous!"

"What are you saying, Yuyuko!?" Yukari grit her teeth, once again feeling like she had lost sight of who this Yuyuko really was. "Why on earth would you want me to die!?"

"If you were a ghost, Yukarin, so many of your foolish mistakes could be rectified! I don't know if you knew this, but ghosts don't really need to sleep. Or even eat! That doesn't stop me from indulging of course... but the point is, you would never have to sleep again!" Yuyuko explained, her excitement palpable as she paced back and forth, almost prancing with joy.

"You would never need to worry about energy... or death..." the pink-haired ghost beamed, her eyes welling up with tears of relief. "You would be able to stay by my side... I could finally, finally be at ease...!" she clutched her chest and wiped a few stray tears away, while Yukari laid with her mouth hung open in shock.

"Yuyuko." Yukari collected herself as best she could, though the situation severely unnerved her. "Youkai cannot become ghosts. When youkai die, they become phantoms. A formless soul whose only choice is to haunt or seek out the afterlife."

Yuyuko crossed her arms and tilted her head in thought, pouting at Yukari. "Mm? But... are you sure you aren't human, Yukari?"

"Me? Human?" Yukari scoffed. "What the hell is happening to you, Yuyuko?"

"I've been thinking, Yukarin..." Yuyuko approached her friend again. "Lately, you care so much about your heart... your blood, you dwell on those humans who died... it’s just not very ‘youkai’ of you. So... what if a human who became a youkai could become human again?"

"You  _know_  that's not true, Yuyuko."

"And just imagine! The sheer number of regrets you'd have if you died now!" Yuyuko clenched her fists, her eerie pink eyes glowing with wonder. "Your responsibility towards Gensokyo, the friends you pretend to miss, the mistakes you made... the sheer weight of it all... if you were human, you would come back as a truly powerful ghost!"

The blonde youkai grit her teeth. Finally finding some energy in her limbs, she tried to subtly edge towards Youmu and Yuyuko's blind spots. "I. Cannot afford. To die."

"Wonderful!" Yuyuko yelled in excitement. "All the more reason for you to die then, filled with overwhelming regrets! Now Youmu, if you would."

"With pleasure, my lady." Youmu robotically clenched her sword at Yukari's neck once more, though a fiendish grin spread across the typically serious girl's face.

"And what of the Yama!?" Yukari reasoned, trying to make them see how foolish it would be to throw Gensokyo off balance with such a heavy sin, how Yuyuko’s position as head of the Netherworld would be made moot.

"We care not." Youmu responded without emotion. "Neither Yuyuko or I have anything left to lose, even if we were to be punished by the Yamaxanadu." Yuyuko simply nodded carefreely.

"U- _Ugh!!_ " Yukari screamed as she increasingly struggled to hide her physical panic. "D-dammit, why can't I move!?"

"Hey Yukari!" came a voice from right next to her - as Suika grew in size right before her eyes, sheepishly rubbing the back of her head and giggling to herself. So... Suika's mist had been the reason Yukari hadn’t been able to move since Youmu entered the room.

Yukari's eyes lidded in sheer disbelief, at this point feeling like fate must be conspiring against her in some utterly fantastical and nonsensical way. "You've... been here the whole time, dear Suika?"

"Guilty as charged. What Youmu wanted to talk to you about seemed important so... I thought it'd be rude if you left." the oni grinned. "But it's getting to the really good part now, so I can't afford to make any mistakes!"

With that, the oni held out her right hand as it grew. And grew. And grew. It became almost comical how large Suika's hand was growing compared to her relatively diminutive body. The horrific size of Suika's claws made even the faintest of smirks almost impossible though, as Suika clutched Yukari's entire body within her fist and clenched hard - hard enough for movement to be futile, hard enough for Yukari's fatigued body to ache in pain, for her bones to strain under Suika’s sheer might.

"Y-you three..." Yukari croaked, barely able to speak amid Suika's crushing grip. "You're really-... Y-you're really going to kill me, aren't you?"

Silence - firm nods from all three as Yuyuko put her sword to Yukari's throat, slicing the edge of her fine skin oh so slightly. Not a shred of contemplation or melancholy on any face as bright red blood trickled delicately onto the blade. As if this was some kind of game to them, as if Yukari's life was an obstacle they were excited to cast aside.

A departed maiden's stench of death. A half-phantom's blade. An oni's teeth, horns and claws. Were these the final sights Yukari's consciousness would behold? Was this really it? A great sage of earth's youkai, murdered. Not by humans, but by the youkai she was so passionate about? Two of her best friends. Two of the finest youkai she had ever met.

Had being passionate about youkai been a mistake? Yukari recounted her long life, the choices that led to her becoming a youkai in the first place, her meeting with Yuyuko, with Suika, the forming of the Great Hakurei Barrier and her meeting with Reimu herself.

No... it was hard to regret any of that. Before becoming a youkai, she had been so ignorant to the extent of just how fascinating the world and its secrets, held in the depths of the unexplained, could be.

And though she wanted to, Yukari couldn't even cry. Not anymore. Her face could only scrunch in pain, but in her mind her expression was an amalgamation of desperation, of regret, of heartbreak. For Gensokyo. For her loved ones. And her stomach churned up sobs and whimpers that never came. Her eyes merely welled up with the limited hydration her body had left.

As the few tears her eyes could conjure up trickled down her cheeks and her vision faded, Yukari saw Yuyuko's beautiful, smiling face. So familiar. The smile that in all her centuries had always been one of the closest things she had ever had, to 'home'.

Maybe, sleeping... maybe dreaming of drinking sake under the cherry blossoms with Yuyuko, one last time... wouldn't be such a bad way to die.

Yukari's misty golden eyes stared into Yuyuko's chilling pink gaze... and Yukari couldn't help but smile back, earnestly. She briefly glimpsed Youmu readying a clean aim at her neck, before her vision darkened and she spoke what she assumed would be her final words.

"Farewell, Yuyuko... you always were... such a foolish girl..."

' _I love you._ '

...

...

... _**crash**_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point, would it be a spoiler to say this isn’t the end?
> 
> This chapter was hard to write too, I really hope I was able to convey the depths of Yukari’s feelings of despair and hopelessness. As always I loved writing Yukari and Yuyuko's interactions, especially since I got to take things in a sinister direction that you perhaps wouldn't normally see between them. Yuyuko being scary is underrated.
> 
> Everything is getting very, very strange, but pretty soon you may be able to start working out what's going on. Things will start coming together very soon.
> 
> In fact, has anyone figured it out yet?  
> I won't respond to any theories because I don't want to post spoilers, but I'm interested to hear if anyone has any thoughts!
> 
> \----------------------  
> Glossary:  
> Shikigami - A summoned being whose power is tied to that of its master. Sort of like a witch familiar.  
> kotatsu - a heated table with a blanket covering its sides, perfect for relaxing in cold weather  
> tatami - a type of mat, made with rice-straw, used as a flooring material in traditional Japanese rooms  
> Phantom - in Touhou, a phantom is a lingering soul from a dead creature, though they can also be born from living humans and even objects. It is different to a ghost and usually appears as a wisp.  
> Ghost - in Touhou, a ghost is the soul of a deceased human but is more or less physical and has a body.  
> Oni - an incredibly physically strong youkai, comparable to a demon or ogre. In Touhou, they are quite a rare youkai.


	13. Lady Yakumo's Sleepless Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /-/Content Warning: mild gore/-/

gasp. gasp.  _GASP_.

Air suddenly filled Yukari's recently crushed body as she was flung to the ground, gasping and coughing desperately for air. She was barely conscious, but the light of the room and the deafening sound she could swear she had heard brought cognition rushing back into her head.

She clutched at the tatami flooring, letting feeling return to her hands and struggling back onto her knees. She continued to cough, wheeze and splutter blood from her damaged insides onto the mats. Her whole body felt broken, some of her bones definitely didn't feel all there, but either through sheer force of will or simply because she had sustained less damage than she thought, she was able to move. She wiped her mouth with her wrist and darted her out of focus eyes around the room for what had happened.

There were shards of wood, shreds of plaster all over the ground near her. Suika was pinned against the opposite wall. It looked like she had been blasted across the room by... some kind of... bandaged arm.

" _YUKARI!!_ " bellowed a powerful voice from behind the wall.

Yukari turned to look, to see that all the shrine's walls from the outside to the main room had been completely blown through - and the perpetrator looked furious.

"K-Kasen...?" Yukari managed to croak, her throat still gasping for air as she scrambled to her feet. Her legs, at least, still worked. Youmu looked stunned from shock. Her sword had been knocked across the room and wedged into the flooring by the force of Kasen's artificial arm, which was still leaking a black smoke as it gripped Suika against the wall.

"Don't just stand there!!" Kasen commanded as she flew at breakneck speed into the room, crashing into the still subdued Suika with her other fist. "Get away!  _Now_!!"

Yuyuko, finally comprehending the chaos of the last few seconds, dropped her vacant expression. She scowled at Kasen, then at Yukari as an intensifying and thick miasma of death emanated from her ghastly form. "What's going on, Yukarin? Is this your doing? Have you made yet another mistake?"

"Get away from her." Kasen urged Yukari again as she retrieved her arm from Suika and held her down by force instead. "Don't forget how dangerous her power is!" She then whistled loudly into her free hand and yelled "Mukou!", after which a small bolt of electricity jolted into the room and knocked the ghost princess off her feet before she could react.

"Wh-what is this...? S-stop... Y-Yukari..." Yuyuko limped weakly towards Yukari, perplexed, as the jolt of lightning perched comfortably atop Kasen's shoulder.

Mukou, Kasen's companion, was a raijuu; a mammal so rare that it is considered a cryptid in the Outside World. This raijuu, in particular, was a small rodent-like creature with a body that could manipulate electricity. It had diminished the energies and abilities in Yuyuko's body, leaving her lethargic.

Yukari, finally through the worst of her coughing fit and getting some air back, sighed in strained relief and limped towards the hole in the wall. Yuyuko's ability was absolute manipulation of death - if she had wanted to kill Yukari so desperately, she likely would have done so by now if Mukou hadn't debilitated her.

"Th-thank you, Kasen." Yukari wheezed, her hand over her chest, feeling for her heartbeat. Thump thump. Thump thump. There it was. A youkai's animal organ.

She was alive.

"Yukari, seriously!!" Kasen yelled again, darting towards the blonde youkai and grabbing her forcefully by the upper arm just barely in time to tug her out of the way of a swipe of Youmu's sword. "If there was any time you needed to be awake, it's now!"

"Forgive me." Yukari limply hurried behind Kasen, who was dragging Yukari towards a young dragon perched in the shrine courtyard. "I haven't eaten in... how long have I been gone?"

"Months." Kasen quickly replied.

"...Months!?" Yukari's shaky voice was able to yell. "Kasen, do you have any idea what's goi-" she stopped short, as an icy, soothing hand gripped her wrist from behind.

"Y-Yukari...!" Yuyuko clung tight to Yukari's wrist as Kasen tried to flee the shrine with her. "Please! Please, Yukari, d-don't go!"

Yukari bit her lip as Yuyuko's voice effortlessly cut to her heart. Against her better judgement, she turned to see Yuyuko's beautiful, agonised eyes and wobbly mouth, both her hands gripping Yukari's as if her life depended on it.

"Y-Yuyuko... I-I..." Yukari muttered, finding it difficult to maintain her composure as Yuyuko's heartbroken expression forced up memories of their happiest and hardest times together.

"YU- _KA_ - ** _RI_**!!" Kasen shouted irritably again in Yukari's ear. "For goodness sake! Don't be a fool, you know you can't trust her as she is now! Kanda!!" she called for her eagle companion, who swooped in and batted sharp talons at Yuyuko to pressure her to let go of Yukari's hand.

Kasen's voice was certainly powerful - Yukari had forgotten just how frighteningly powerful a presence the usually well-mannered wannabe hermit could present when she wanted to. The blonde youkai hesitantly tugged away from Yuyuko's pleading grip and held tighter onto Kasen.

"N- **NO!!** " Yuyuko screamed. "NO, NO  _NO **NO**_ ** _!_** " tears streamed down her cheeks as she struggled to hold on amid the eagle's swipes. "Yukari! Yukari don't leave me, y-you can't leave me alone again! D-don't you dare! I'm s-so worried about you...! So lonely without y-you...!!"

Yukari refused to look back, hiding her own tear-soaked face as her hand finally slipped free of Yuyuko's chilling grip. "You and Youmu need to work a little on hospitality... maybe I'll come back someday if you can do that for me, hm?" she chuckled weakly to herself, though her attempts at laughter were smothered in choked whimpers.

Kasen hoisted Yukari onto her dragon, Koutei, and gave the beast a gentle tap on the side of his neck.

" _NO! D-don't! Don't go!_   ** _NOOOOO!!_** " Yuyuko's cracked voice screamed out, shaking fists clenched by her sides, as the dragon began to take off, taking her best friend away from her. Due to the raijuu's poison, Yuyuko was unable to fly after them.

Finally feeling a safe distance away, Yukari turned to look towards Yuyuko and Hakugyokurou. Yuyuko had collapsed to her knees, her face buried in her hands, wailing in mourning as Youmu focused on attending to her master rather than chasing after them. Suika hadn't moved, remaining unconscious from the force of Kasen's attacks.

Suika still loved a brawl. Youmu still loved her master. Yuyuko... still loved her best friend.

Yukari shook her head... she had no idea what the hell had happened at that ghost shrine, but somewhere, deep down, these were still the women she knew so well.

Yukari wistfully stared at her mourning friend, and in a brief moment their eyes locked from across the courtyard.

"Yuyuko! I love you, I promise!" Yukari called out, her weak voice still cracking. "I always have, I always will. Please, trust me!"

Yuyuko didn't say anything, merely nodding meekly as tears streamed down her bright pink cheeks, her caring gardener holding her lovingly. While uncertainty and fear still gripped Yukari's guts, a distant feeling of warmth made Yukari wonder if there really was much difference at all between ghost youkai and living humans.

' _I'll help you, I'll help Gensokyo, because that's the purpose of my existence. Passion for youkai is the reason I'm a youkai at all._ '

"I know you're weakened, but don't fall off." Kasen instructed, as Koutei soared away from the Netherworld. "I'm taking you to my home, for now. None of them know where it is."

Now that things had calmed down and Yukari's cognition was improving, she took another look at Kasen. While she still wore a flowing Chinese dress, her pink hair had grown much longer and wilder, fading into a fiery orange at the ends. Of course, the most notable differences were those large, intimidating horns protruding from her head - much too big to hide anymore, it seemed.

"I don't suppose you spend much time at Hakurei Shrine anymore." Yukari chuckled to herself, remembering how eager Kasen was to hide her identity as an oni from Reimu and Marisa.

Kasen turned back towards her with a sheepish smile. "You've still got that dull sense of humour, I see." but she had to double take, noticing that Yukari's head was suddenly laid limply against her back.

" _Dammit_." she slowed Koutei slightly and quickly checked Yukari's body for a pulse - but she had merely fallen unconscious - likely from exhaustion or the considerable damage to her body.

Kasen sighed in relief, and continued on home. 

* * *

 

When Yukari regained consciousness, she was laid in a rather impressive looking room. Kasen was sat next to the futon, mixing something in a bowl with a pestle.

"Are you going to try and kill me too?" Yukari weakly grinned as she forced herself to sit up.

"I'm glad you're conscious." Kasen smiled in relief. "There's a lot to talk about, and I fear we're running out of time. Quick, drink this." she handed Yukari the bowl - it stunk something awful.

Yukari raised an eyebrow at Kasen, to which the oni chuckled to herself before explaining. "It's a panacea from Eientei Pharmacy. It should help your strength to restore a little faster, as well as counteract the poison they were giving you at Hakugyokurou."

"...Poison." Yukari looked at her frail hands, clenching a few times to check her motor skills.

Kasen raised an eyebrow in concern. "You didn't lose your gap abilities through natural causes, Yukari. Yuyuko was somehow poisoning you with a medicine that causes insomnia, to make it harder for you to escape."

“Insomnia? But that doesn’t...”

“Yeah, it doesn’t make sense.” Kasen frowned. “But medicine that causes insomnia was the medicine Suika and Youmu had been taking from Eientei, I confirmed as much with Eirin.”

The blonde youkai's eyes lidded wistfully, her heart still aching for answers. "I just don't understand... that wasn't the Yuyuko I've known for centuries. The Yuyuko I knew despised and resented death more than almost anything. Death was her curse, she would never, ever speak of it so lightly."

Kasen watched Yukari speak with passion about her friend and smiled sadly. Kasen stared up at the ceiling. "I could say the same for Suika... sure I don't get along with her that well, but from one oni to another... she would never do something so dishonourable as try to kill someone unfairly. It's just not in us to do that."

"So this putrid liquid isn't going to kill me." Yukari grinned at Kasen, who sighed irritably.

"I can't afford for you to die, Yukari... As a sage of Gensokyo, the problems plaguing this land are myriad and great, that's why I saved you. Drink, and I will explain everything."

Holding the bowl in her hand, Yukari frowned. She did dearly wish to have her abilities back... maybe then she'd finally feel more youkai again. Not so vulnerable. Not so... human. She scrunched her eyes shut and downed the putrid liquid in one gulp.

Colour returned to her cheeks, she could feel her insides rearranging themselves in a way that would have made her throw up if it wasn't so mysteriously satisfying. Within moments, Yukari pinched the air neck to her and made a gap.

"If you leave, you'll regret it." Kasen frowned.

Yukari winked and dipped her hand into the gap, then shoved her other arm and head in there too, before pulling back out again and fanning herself mischievously. "I merely wished to get my hand fan back, and ruffle my dear ghost friend's soft pink hair." Yukari chuckled, as she plopped a few of the rice snacks she had just stolen from Yuyuko into her mouth. Payback.

"Honestly..." Kasen shook her head and rubbed her temple. "You're going to give me a migraine. Were you always this immature?"

"Enough." Yukari flicked her hand dismissively towards Kasen, closing her gap dexterously with her other hand. Finally. Finally she felt a little more like herself again. A youkai. "You said we were short on time and I believe you. Explain." she expertly avoided Kasen's question on her maturity.

"Right, right." Kasen sighed. She sat next to Yukari on the futon and stared her earnestly in the eyes. "First, I should explain that yes, you had been trapped inside Hakugyokurou for months. It's been... around a year now, since you woke up."

Yukari gripped her knees under the bed sheets. Her concept of time had been significantly blurred and undermined. "I had only been given two, maybe three meals while I was in that room. Breakfast, lunch, I don't know if I ever got dinner. You mean to tell me that was not a single day, but in fact several months?"

"I don't know anything about what happened to you in that room." Kasen frowned with concern. "But yes, I had Kanda keep tabs on you at Hakugyokurou - and one day you suddenly stopped going outside. That was around the time Aya stopped seeing you outside awaiting the newspaper too.

We had initially hypothesised you had holed yourself up in a room, studying the incident currently gripping Gensokyo, but a little reconnaissance from my animals made it evident that there was some kind of barrier around the shrine's main living room. Anyway, that's that."

Yukari nodded slowly, as she digested the disconnect between time as she experienced it and reality. Once again. This was becoming a recurring theme. "And why did you, of all people, choose to save me?"

Kasen grinned as if to say ' _why, should I take you back?_ ' before continuing. "It's not that complicated. When a sage who has been asleep for a long time suddenly comes back, I want to keep an eye on her. Especially when Gensokyo is as... volatile, as it is right now."

"Volatile." Yukari put her fan to her chin in thought. "Yes, no one has given me a straight answer on anything since I woke up. I don't suppose you can?"

"I can." Kasen nodded. "Since Reimu died, the mourning of youkai began to have some... unforeseen consequences. Without the beloved human that most youkai associated humans as a species with, youkai began to revert to more animalistic and monstrous forms."

"I see..." Yukari's eyes lit up in realisation. Aya's wings. Suika's claws. Yuyuko's miasma. Kasen's horns. It all made sense. "So that's why... how fascinating. Youkai truly are incredible creatures!"

"Yes." Kasen continued. "I'm afraid it's quite serious, though. Marisa's death merely exacerbated this and many youkai began to exhibit levels of violence not seen in centuries. Many humans in the village have been... killed."

"No... That can't be possible. Why wouldn't Kanako have told me about this?"

"She put your right to mourn before Gensokyo in that moment, I suppose." Kasen smiled weakly. "Besides, how was she to know you would be kidnapped?"

Yukari clutched her fan, biting her lip as sweat beaded on her face. "If youkai kill too many humans, then the balance of Gensokyo will... what are the shrine maidens doing about this!?"

"What they can." Kasen guiltily avoided eye-contact with Yukari. "Sanae didn't want Reimu's successor to face the same pressures and loneliness that Reimu had suffered as a young girl, so she had been trying to persuade the young girl that everything is fine, that everything is normal. Things... have only gotten worse since you woke up, though."

"You mean like what's been going on with Tenshi?" Yukari asked, remembering the incident the her friends were supposed to be looking into.

"Y-yes... That split in time Tenshi has experienced..." Kasen breathed in sharply through her teeth, evidently stressed.

"Tell me." Yukari ordered, anxiety welling up inside her. "What have I missed."

Kasen's eyes flickered, she struggled to look the blonde youkai in the eyes. "R-Reimu's successor has... disappeared. No one can find her."

"Wh...  _WHAT_!?" Yukari howled, shooting up to a stand on the futon and clenching Kasen's top in her fists threateningly. "How could you let this happen!? How could  _Sanae!?_ She's a  **god**!!"

"If I knew any of that, I would have solved this incident by myself." Kasen bitterly retorted, scowling up at Yukari. "One day she was training with Sanae like always, and Tenshi made one of her regular visits. Nothing strange there, right?"

Yukari nodded, eyes still alight with fury as she stared down Kasen.

"But before Sanae could even react, Tenshi suddenly grips her head and lets out a blood-curdling scream, completely shattering the earth around Hakurei Shrine. When the dust had settled, the shrine was untouched... but its shrine maiden was gone."

The blonde youkai's eyes widened in fear. She let go of Kasen, who slumped back down onto the futon and brushed down her clothes. Kasen went on. "Tenshi continues to reappear at Hakurei Shrine, increasingly violent. And when I say reappear, I mean reappear. Like some kind of apparition who has fallen out of reality. Attempts to follow her home end in failure, because she just vanishes. On top of that, no one can find the Hakurei girl, no one can find Shion. It's like they've both phased out of existence."

"Who's watching Hakurei Shrine now? Sanae?" Yukari asked, her eyes now aflame with something between fascination and dread. Something more like... awe.

"If only. For now it's just myself, Aunn, and occasionally Moriya Shrine's senior gods. No humans dare to go near there anymore." Kasen laughed awkwardly. "We thought Sanae was okay at first, but she's been bedridden with grief ever since her apprentice vanished. She seems to become more and more sick the more time passes with no hope or answers."

Kasen shot Yukari a saddened look, "She's completely heartbroken... not only was that girl one of the only things Reimu left behind in this world, but she's everything to Sanae. She's Sanae's pride and joy."

Yukari mirrored Kasen's sorrowful expression. She could hardly blame Sanae, after how she had been herself in recent months.

"But that's just half of it." Kasen went on. "The intensity of Sanae's grief is almost... supernatural. She has night terrors and wakes saying she saw her protege die right in her arms, or remembers things that haven't even happened like Reimu still being alive. It's as if time is split in two for her."

"Isn't that..." Yukari clutched her elbow in realisation.

"Yes, it's like what Tenshi has been experiencing. Almost as if the shock of Tenshi's attack and the girl's disappearance infected her with something."

"So who  _is_  working on this?" Yukari tried to stay calm, but was anxiously running her fingers along her elbow and pacing back and forth.

"Only myself and a few trustworthy gods. Many youkai have become too unreliable since Reimu died. I think I'm only okay because I'm a sage, ultimately Gensokyo's existence is something I'm passionate about. It helps keep me focused."

"I-I see..." Yukari nodded and breathed in deeply, trying to process everything she was hearing. "You make it sound as if Gensokyo has been falling apart since Reimu died."

Kasen turned away and grimaced, clutching her fist to her chest. "Haha... It really does seem like it, doesn't it?" her voice cracked slightly. She moved towards the room's door. "Anyway... I don't mind giving you refuge here. The hermit realm is difficult to find for most normal humans and youkai so your friends shouldn't be able to find you. You can safely rest and prepare." she paused. "That said, this doesn't mean we'll be working together on the incident."

"I know." Yukari smiled weakly at the oni. "Thank you, Kasen. Even if I've been completely undermined since I woke up, saving that young shrine maiden is one thing I won't let anything stop me from doing.

The Hakurei Shrine... and Reimu's legacy... are two of my greatest treasures."

Kasen looked back at Yukari and smiled wistfully. "You know... you're much harder to hate when you're actually passionate about things like this."

Yukari almost grinned herself, but frowned as she took another look at Kasen's fearsome mane and horns from the back. "Incidentally, Kasen... Hakurei Shrine has been lacking my protection all these years, and Ran's power grew weaker and weaker... yet, you never acted upon it. Didn't you always say you wanted more influence over that place yourself? Isn't that a little suspicious?"

Kasen turned to face Yukari, raising an eyebrow as if Yukari had said something ridiculous. "What? Ran's power was weakening? This is the first I've heard of that." she chuckled to herself. "The whole time you were asleep, Ran filled your role for you perfectly - as she always did whenever you slept for long periods of time before."

"Wh-what?" Yukari held her chin in her hand in bewilderment, thinking deeply. "B-but she... died. Her power became depleted the moment I woke up."

"You've trusted her to be an avatar of your will for centuries at a time before, why would this time be any different?" Kasen frowned at Yukari with pity. "75 years isn't long. I know you're still in mourning, but figuring out that something else caused Ran's death should be common sense, Yukari."

Yukari was dumb-founded. Her eyes widened and her jaw hung agape as Kasen's simple logic completely undermined months of emotional shock at Ran's 'death'. How... just how could Yukari have been so convinced by a false truth for so long? What the hell was going on!?

While Yukari stood there, Kasen spun around and sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. "Listen... I took the liberty of bringing you some clean clothes, there's hot food and a bath already prepared... just... rest up." she edged her way out of the door. "Take as much time as you need to get ready. I can't protect you forever, but I can at least stand watch for a while and make sure we weren't followed."

Yukari didn't say anything, still fixed on the spot in shock. She slowly nodded and smiled weakly at Kasen, who took the signal to leave Yukari in peace for a few hours.

* * *

 

Kasen's mansion was certainly a relaxing place. It was large and clean, and there was radiant plant-life everywhere. It was always hard to believe such a place had been hidden on Youkai Mountain all these centuries.

The atmosphere had an almost heavenly quality to it. Yukari supposed it was appropriate for a hermit to be the closest living thing to celestials.

Even if Kasen wasn't much of a 'hermit'.

Yukari had thoroughly bathed, indulged in wonderful food, and buried herself in the pleasantly tranquil darkness of the bedroom Kasen had prepared for her. She was finally able to lie down to relax her muscles and bones, which had healed remarkably quickly thanks to Eientei's convenient-as-always miracle medicines.

If this had been like any other period of relief and relaxation since she woke up last year, it would be just about time for something to go horribly, horribly wrong.

* * *

 

Yukari laid in the dark, her ever-busy thoughts blurring the line between dreams and reality. Despite the tranquil peace of Kasen's realm, Yukari still found herself fearing sleep.

She was once again quite unsure if she was genuinely struggling to sleep, or if she had actually fallen asleep at multiple points already. Perhaps she had had plenty of sleep already and was well-rested, merely feeling exhausted from the stress? Or maybe she had only been lying down for an hour or so already, and it had just felt like much longer.

Tossing and turning for a little while, she felt her hand to her heart. Still there. Still thumping. Loudly.

Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thud thud. Thud thud. Thud thud.

The louder her heartbeat became, the more it sounded like it was coming from somewhere else.

Thud thud thud. Creak.

Was that the sound of footsteps crossing the room? Was there someone there? Kasen?

The room was completely dark, but no... there was no scent of youkai anywhere near. Certainly no oni scent.

Creak.

Nonetheless, there was that creaking sound... it sounded like... there was someone else in the room... just barely feet away from her...

As Yukari sat up as quietly as possible... and slinked her hand through a gap to get the light switch... she heard a familiar young voice struggling to hide its enthusiasm through hushed tones.

"--ah... this is fantastic... Gensokyo... is... fantastic...!"

As Yukari switched on the light, she spotted the overly excitable young girl in the corner of the room, hunched over by the bookcase. She wore a black hat with a contrasting white ribbon in it. She had dark, medium-length brown hair and a long... black... cape...?

Sweat quickly built on Yukari's face. Impossible. It just wasn't possible.

Of course, the girl quickly noticed the light had been switched on and got to her feet. "Gensokyo really is incredible! But man, I'm really sorry for waking you Me-"

 _Shhhluck_.

 _Thhunk_.

"- _Cough_ \- U-... uugh...! - _cough cough_ -" after a muted exclamation of shock, the girl sunk to her knees, her throat forcing a strained wheezing sound as she desperately tried to breathe in.

"- _COUGH COUGH_ -" her coughing and wheezing became increasingly intense as she gasped desperately for air. "- _cough cough_ \- -COUGH  _COUGH **COUGH COUGH**_ -" She tried to grapple for her stomach. She tried to pull the gap in her stomach closed. Her innards threatened to tumble out all over her hands. She had to hold it closed somehow.

But inevitably she collapsed with a pathetic splat, into a shallow pool of her own blood.

Yukari grinned.

That's right. It was impossible.

There was no way. Sumireko Usami couldn't be here. She was just a human.

Even if she was alive, she would have aged. Whoever conjured up this latest illusion must have thought Yukari was a fool. Even if Sumireko  _was_  here, why would she be in Kasen's house?

Wait... was this Kasen's house? This room was familiar...

"M-Mer-..." the girl gasped, coughed, wheezed, urged her failing body to find the strength to say the words she was so desperate to say.

Yukari approached the girl. She stood in the pool of blood and looked down on her.

The blonde's eyes widened as a dread buried, deep, deep in her soul wormed its way out. Her vision blurred. She held a hand to her forehead as it began to throb in pain.

That wasn't a black cape... that was... that was a shawl... didn't she know someone who wore a black shawl once? A really... really long time ago...?

The most morbid of curiosity compelled her to kneel down into the bloody mess and hold the girl in her arms. To look upon her face.

"M-..." the girl gasped "M-Merry..." the brunette's eyes convulsed in their sockets as she ran out of air. She weakly held out her blood-drenched hand, to gently... lovingly, cup the blonde's face.

"Merry... Wh- _why_...?"

The blonde girl subconsciously brought her own hand up to tenderly hold the blood-soaked one at her face, her other arm wrapped around the brunette's severed torso.

"... R-Ren...ko-......"

The blonde's mind went blank.

The next thing she knew, she could hear a deafening and ear-piercing scream as the brunette girl fell limp, bleeding out in her arms.

The scream would have threatened to rupture the blonde's eardrums if it weren't for the voice cracking under its own strain and deteriorating into frenzied wails and shrieks.

Actually... her own throat hurt. It hurt a lot. Her head hurt, her eyes ached, her stomach was in agony, but the most excruciating pain was the one in her heart. It was so loud, it was so loud that it threatened to engulf everything.

Somewhere in between noticing the flood of tears dropping from her own cheeks and wrapping herself tightly around the lifeless, bloody body in her arms, the blonde realised that the deafening voice was her own. They were her screams. Her wails.

But why... why? She hadn't even known she was capable of such deeply visceral sounds, she didn't realise her voice could ever be that loud.

No, that wasn't important! That wasn't important at all! Her best friend was dead. She had killed her best friend. She had killed her in her own room.

She buried her nose desperately into the brunette's cold and limp torso, trying to seek out her last remaining signs of warmth, anything, screaming more loudly than her human body should have been capable of. Her face, her arms, her clothes were sodden, completely drenched in blood, but it didn't matter. It's not like anything else mattered.

It was all over, there was nothing left for her after this, nothi-

"Yukari!?" a powerful voice suddenly interjected. "What was that scre-" it paused. "O-oh... oh god _... Oh my god!?_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew... I really like how this chapter turned out. I'm really, really proud of it. It might be one of my favourites in the whole story.
> 
> As we near the climax, things become almost unreasonably chaotic - but hints pile up as to what's really happening. Has anyone figured out what's going on yet? If you have any theories, I'd be really interested to hear them... Comment away!
> 
> The chapter title this time is a reference to a Touhou track, but not really a character theme. There's no reference to the track's story either, I simply thought it would be a nice way to tie our favourite sleepy youkai in with "Dr. Latency".
> 
> PS. The next chapter of this will be up next week as usual, but what comes after still needs work so I may need to delay it (not by more than an extra week though).  
> I plan to start uploading a different Touhou story in the coming days to potentially make up for that, so look forward to it! 
> 
> \--------------------  
> Glossary:  
> tatami - a type of mat, made with rice-straw, used as a flooring material in traditional Japanese rooms  
> raijuu - a legendary creature, usually mammal, with lightning coursing through its body. In Touhou, raijuu are cryptids rather than youkai  
> Ghost - in Touhou, a ghost is the soul of a deceased human but is more or less physical and has a body.  
> Oni - an incredibly physically strong youkai, comparable to a demon or ogre. In Touhou, they are quite a rare youkai.  
> Eientei - a mansion in Gensokyo where refugees from the moon reside  
> Eirin - Eirin Yagokoro is the head of Eientei, and a genius lunarian sage and goddess capable of creating any medicine or drug


	14. Who done it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /-/ Content warning: mild gore /-/

Kasen Ibaraki had been patiently meditating just outside her mansion with the animals, keeping watch over her hidden space's barrier to make sure they hadn't been followed - when the scream of a voice she was unfamiliar with suddenly rang out from inside.

She darted into the mansion as fast as she was capable - which for an oni of her extraordinary prowess was very fast indeed. Of course, she headed straight for Yukari's room without a second thought.

"Yukari!?" she yelled in concern as she dashed around the corner, peering into the eerily dark room. "What was that scre-"

But what beheld her when she reached Yukari's room was deeply disturbing, almost horrific in nature. 

As she finally entered the room, the darkness dispersed as if it had been some kind of thick miasma. For a brief moment, she saw a room she didn't recognise through the darkness - but this was definitely still her house... and there... in the corner of the room... was...

"O-oh... oh god...  _oh my god!?_ " Kasen held a hand over her mouth in disgust, her eyes widening in horror.

There was a young-looking blonde girl in a white mob cap wailing almost deafeningly loudly, cradling a similarly aged brunette in her arms. The brunette's stomach had been viciously severed open, the shape of the wound not dissimilar to the gaps Yukari could make. Given the size of the wound, it was unsurprising that she had... yes, the cause of death seemed to be bleeding out - both girls were completely drenched in the deep red of her fresh blood.

The pool of blood underneath them had seeped across the smooth wooden flooring, staining the futon Yukari Yakumo had been resting in just hours earlier.

Kasen apprehensively but caringly approached the girls, darting her eyes around the room for Yukari. At first, she thought the blonde girl wailing on the ground _was_ Yukari, but on closer inspection... her dress was a lighter purple than Yukari's, a button dress with a white collar. Her blonde hair much shorter than Yukari's, too.

"H-hello?" Kasen carefully asked. "Who are you...? What happened...?"

The blonde, finally seeming to have heard Kasen through her overwhelming sobs, sluggishly turned to face the oni. Her face was soaked, both in fresh blood and tears. Her eyes were strained and bloodshot from exhaustion, her mouth hanging open hopelessly. She looked like a young adult... she couldn't have been much older than 20. How did a couple of human girls like this end up here?

"P-please... youkai..." the blonde choked through tears. "My best friend... I k-killed... you have to h-help m-me... I killed her... I-I killed..."

Kasen was completely taken aback as the blonde returned to her feeble sobbing. The oni turned away from the horrific mess in the corner and leaned against the wall. She took a few deep breaths, her free hand on her aching forehead, as she tried to compose herself.

This was possibly the single most surreal thing that had ever happened at her usually peaceful mansion - and she had had shinigami and celestials as visitors.

Swallowing down her concern, Kasen stood up straight and formed a hasty hypothesis. She turned back towards the blonde girl and wasted no time in testing it. ' _She might end up hating me more than ever for this._ '

"Yukari?" Kasen stared at the blonde girl. "Look at me. Yukari."

The mourning girl turned towards Kasen again, still with that pitiful, broken expression.

"Are you listening to my voice? Yukari, it's me. It's Kasen Ibara." she smacked her powerful fist on the wall, causing the room to shudder from its might and causing the girl to jump in surprise. Kasen scrunched her eyes shut and focused.

"You still call yourself that?" came a familiar voice. Kasen slowly opened her eyes... and the blonde girl had been replaced, with a blonde woman almost double her height.

"Thank the gods..." Kasen sighed in relief - but that was far from the end of her concerns. She looked Yukari up and down. The blonde youkai's eyes were bloodshot and red, tears running down her cheeks without respite.

Her clothes and even futon appeared to be stained with blood - but the blood was dry. There appeared to be blood encrusted in the flooring, too, but the corpse lying in the blonde's arms just moments ago was completely gone.

Yukari looked shell-shocked, as if she wasn't sure where she was. Kasen briefly paused in thought, but shook her head and rushed to Yukari, pulling her into a tight hug.

"Yukari." Kasen muttered, her head over the blonde youkai's shoulder. "Are you in there?"

" _Gh_... ugh..." Yukari mumbled. "My my, Kasen... you're surprisingly touchy-feely today..."

Yeah. That was definitely Yukari Yakumo. "What do you remember?" Kasen asked sternly, still holding tightly onto the other sage.

"I-I..." Yukari's voice rasped. "To tell the truth, my throat really aches... I could do with some tea before we set out."

Kasen nodded against Yukari's head, cradling it slightly in her hand. "Yes, yes. Answer the question, you stubborn gap youkai."

"Mm..." Yukari weakly mumbled. "I killed someone... someone important. Someone I think I knew a known a long... long time ago. I..." Yukari bit her lip, finally giving in to the urge to hug Kasen in return. She rested her nose in the oni's shoulder, and gently clutched at her dress. "B-but I..."

"It's okay. You're okay." Kasen gave Yukari's shoulder a light squeeze. "You didn't hurt anyone. It was just some youkai or god's cruel trick."

The bloodstains were real, but whatever had happened in that room... almost seemed like it hadn't happened at all.

For a few moments, Kasen just let Yukari hold her. To remind her that she wasn't alone in this nightmarish and unpredictable Gensokyo.

"Let's make some tea."

...

Yukari drank deeply from her tea. To say it was immensely satisfying and soothing to her quite frankly exhausted throat was putting it lightly. The tears had finally stopped tumbling from her eyes, and she now irritably tapped her fan against her chin in thought. Kasen rested her cheek in her fist, frowning at Yukari.

"You know, Yukari." Kasen started, almost afraid of what she was about to say. "I'm beginning to think this incident has as much to do with you as it does Tenshi."

"How do you mean?" Yukari raised an eyebrow. Her dark, ringed eyes and sickly pale skin looked awful. "Are you accusing me of causing this incident?"

For the past few hours, Yukari had been speaking as if she had already forgotten what had happened in that room. Or perhaps she was choosing to ignore it? It was just one of many things disturbing Kasen, but she had opted to not pursue it any further out of respect.

"Maybe?" Kasen huffed a smile. "Think about it. Tenshi has caused chaos wherever she went over the last year, and even made Gensokyo seem like it was falling apart. But... so have you. You've both been leaving nonsensical tragedy in your wake."

Yukari rolled her eyes at the oni. "If you're not going to take this seriously and only entertain absurd fantasies, I'd rather you made more tea instead."

Kasen lidded her eyes in irritation. "Make your own tea, I don't have to wait on you and I never owed you my assistance in this incident to begin with." nonetheless, she sighed and continued. "Look at it from my perspective. Yes, youkai became more violent, but things at least made  _sense_  until you woke up."

The disinterested expression in Yukari's eyes faded slightly as she stared intently at her teacup, only pretending she wasn't listening to Kasen's theory.

Sensing Yukari's intrigue, Kasen smirked and went on. "Chen and Ran suddenly died and vanished for no good reason. Your closest friends kidnapped you and undermined your value of control and knowledge. You were haunted by ghosts of your past, both literally and... in some surreal... messed up way." she still struggled to word what had happened in that room earlier.

"Yukari, moreso to you and Tenshi than anyone else, the Gensokyo you've woken up in seems almost like personal torture."

"It makes me feel very special indeed. Do you feel left out?" Yukari responded lazily, still fiddling with her teacup, still not sure how her being a victim actually gave them any leads.

"I'm serious. How is any of that  _not_  strange? All the bizarre things that don't add up... every single one of them. They all come back to either Tenshi, or  _you_. Like a nightmare tailored specifically to your fears."

...What?

Yukari's back straightened, her eyes widened. She almost knocked over her mostly empty cup of tea.

"Hey, you okay?" Kasen raised an eyebrow.

Yukari had remembered something important. Something she had foolishly buried away in her mind amid her mourning. Someone... had asked her to do something.

That's right, someone had pointed out to Yukari to keep an eye on strange, out of place things in Gensokyo within a day of Yukari waking up.

Doremy Sweet... she had warned Yukari, so specifically, to keep an eye out for strange things happening in Gensokyo! But Yukari had just ignored that advice all this time. Yukari's heart and mind were so wrapped up in mourning that she had missed some of the most obvious clues right in front of her face.

Doremy had known all along that strange things were happening. She must have even known Ran's abnormal death was among them - but she never spelt it out to Yukari.

So why? Why couldn't Doremy... say anything? It was obvious she wanted to, yet she spoke in riddles?

' _It... it can't be... No way. There's no way. There's NO WAY._ ' her mind raced with question, question, realisation.

"Oh... OH... But it  _COULD_  be!" Yukari suddenly exclaimed out loud, her eyes lighting up as an impish smile spread across her face and she confidently flicked open her fan.

"What?" Kasen stared at Yukari, her long mane of fiery pink hair almost standing up on end slightly as she became alert. "You've got something!?"

"My my... my my! This IS interesting!" Yukari opened a gap behind her and confidently rested one elbow on it, fanning herself with her other arm and crossing one of her legs over the other. She laid back and stared at the ceiling in thought as she fanned herself.

Slowly but surely, the pieces came together in her head as she giggled to herself, chuckled to herself, laughed loudly to herself.

Kasen's eyes lidded as she beheld the theatrical youkai before her. "At least  _you_  never change, huh."

Finally remembering Kasen was in the room too, Yukari moved forward, thunking her hands on the table with an excited slam as her thrilled laughter finally calmed down.

"Ohohohoho... It's absurd... it's so absurd... but somehow, it wouldn't even be the most absurd thing to happen to me over the last year."

"You don't plan on telling me what's going on in that head of yours, do you." Kasen mumbled, shrugging irritably.

"It's quite a dangerous hypothesis... you'll find out soon enough." Yukari fanned herself with a smirk. "If your own theory and mine add up... then this incident is about Tenshi Hinanawi... and me."

"Yes. Like I've been saying?" Kasen smiled awkwardly. "Were you even paying attention?"

"What I mean is..." Yukari's eyes lidded mischievously. "The sheer number of awful things happening to Tenshi and myself could only possibly have been caused by our own, cruel, minds. This is no coincidence."

Kasen blinked, seeming more lost than ever.

The blonde youkai stood up as anticipation took over. "I plan to test my hypothesis immediately. But..." she put her fan away, her expression softening as she turned to the oni. "I really must thank you, Kasen."

Kasen scoffed. "Are you sure you've gotten enough rest? Or is this more of your acting?"

Yukari smiled sheepishly, gliding along to the other side of the table where Kasen was sat. She hesitated for a few moments, before pulling the oni into another awkwardly genuine hug. "You saved my life, so I mean this earnestly. I never like to owe anyone anything, but I am a youkai of honour when I want to be.”

For a moment, Kasen hugged Yukari back. “You’re going to repay me with hugs?” she joked.

The blonde youkai giggled. “I'll be sure... to treat you to sake sometime, Kasen."

Kasen's face pinked slightly as Yukari broke the all too brief hug. "I'd... like that." the oni smiled gently, still surprised by Yukari's forward showing of gratitude. "But don't talk as though you're solving this incident alone, I'm going too."

Yukari chuckled. "If you wish, but I fear it will have been long concluded by the time you arrive! So for now, this will be farewell." a devilish smile appeared on her lips once again as a large gap appeared behind her.

"Oh... and if anything happens to me, I'm giving you charge over Hakurei Shrine."

Kasen's eyes widened. "A-are you serious!?"

"Yes. But nothing's going to happen to me, silly hermit." the blonde youkai giggled to herself as she drifted back into the gap, and vanished from sight.

"Yeah." Kasen huffed a smile as she rested her cheek on her fist. "I should have figured as much."

No matter how much of her elusive 'genuine' side she showed, Yukari would always be Yukari.

 

* * *

 

Yukari emerged from her gap at Hakurei Shrine, the only place she knew Tenshi would certainly turn up if she waited long enough. Evidently she wouldn't have to wait long - Tenshi was already there.

Curiously, no one was around to protect the Shrine from Tenshi. Not even Aunn. Was everyone out of action, or was this another of those 'things that didn't add up' that Doremy and Kasen had talked about?

And Tenshi being alone at Hakurei Shrine was far from the only strange thing going on. The sky was an eerie scarlet-red colour, giving a dark and sinister tint to the trees and the shrine itself.

In a way, it reminded Yukari of her long dream - in which Hakurei Shrine was dilapidated and empty. Dead. Here though, the Shrine was supposed to be active... cared for deeply by a missing Hakurei shrine maiden and the miracle goddess who loved her and the shrine dearly.

As Yukari had expected, Tenshi was frustrated. That was putting it lightly, as she made constant attempts at earthquakes around the shrine grounds with the snap of her fingers. With each and every attempt, the Shrine emerged undamaged - as if Tenshi's attempts were little but illusions.

Eager to get this over with quickly, Yukari had little intention on playing fair - especially knowing that Tenshi had hardly played fair when she attacked the Shrine's residents.

She snuck through a gap, appearing right behind Tenshi. "This scarlet sky is a wonderful touch, dear Tenshi. How nostalgic!" she teased, swiftly and easily binding Tenshi's limbs with gaps so the celestial couldn't move.

"Wh-what!?" What's-..." Tenshi scrambled as her attacks were interrupted.

"Very atmospheric too!" the youkai continued to mock, as she floated nonchalantly to the front of her new captive. "A little pathetic fallacy, I like it."

"Oh. It's you." Tenshi scowled, unsurprised and unimpressed.

"Me. Hello!" Yukari waved pleasantly. "But this is already most interesting, don't you think? It almost seems as though you were expecting me... even though we haven't seen one another in over 76 years."

"S-so what?" Tenshi grinned, trying to hide her already faltering composure. "When one is trying to reform the whole disgusting planet, one expects some worthy rivals will emerge to stop her! Haha!"

What a wonderful act - but had Yukari heard talk like that before somewhere...? She tapped her fan to her chin in thought. "So in order to reform this world, you throw little strops at Hakurei Shrine. You kidnap shrine maidens now - is that it?"

"What?" Tenshi's eyes began to lose focus, sweat now notably dripping from her forehead. "Sh-she's... she's with... she's with Shion."

"Shion is gone." Yukari frowned. "Do you know why?"

"B-because I...!" Tenshi whimpered, gritting her teeth. "D-dammit...! Shut up!"

"No." Yukari closed the distance between her face and Tenshi's, glaring maliciously at the azure-haired celestial. "This has gone far beyond your spoilt little games now - good people... Gensokyo, is in serious danger, because you... whatever it is you did."

"What  _I_  did?" Tenshi snapped back. "I didn't do ANYTHING. Shion left ME... s-sometimes. And the Hakurei girl died, sometimes. But other times, th-they..."

"They what?" Yukari commanded, increasingly anxious - not just for the safety of Reimu's successor but for the true nature of this incident. "Go on."

"O-other times, they're here!" Tenshi argued, her eyes welling up with tears. "I-I swear... I can see them. Shion is with me, she's happy... the shrine maiden is here, happy too." she met Yukari's glare with unflinching solemnity. "That's why I... I can't destroy Hakurei Shrine. No matter how many times I try. Because there's some kind of other existence where she's still alive, defending it."

"Other existence?" Yukari laid back on her gap in thought. "A timeline running parallel to our own, perhaps?"

"Something like that..." Tenshi mumbled, increasingly agitated with the binds on her arms. "I-it's like I'm... living in two realities at once. And it's. Overwhelming. It's t-too much for my head to handle I..." she gulped, biting her lip as tears trickled down her cheeks. "This shrine is the place where my head is the quietest but I... I. can't.  _take it!_  I can't do this anymore! I can't! It makes me want to re-do everything about this shitty unfair existence from scratch!" her voice escalated until she sounded like she was bursting.

"All right." Yukari edged back, her tone calming. She found it hard not to pity the girl - she had lost one of the few things she cared about and was left alone in a world where nothing made sense.

Yukari knew how that felt.

So... she also knew how to make Tenshi even more emotional.

"Tenshi, sometimes losing things we care about is inevitable. It's-"

"Literally didn't ask." Tenshi scowled. "Besides, this isn't really Shion's fault either, it's  _YOURS_."

Yukari hid her curious expression behind her fan... that was easy. It seemed like the celestial had been bottling a lot of things up for quite some time now. Yukari was really getting somewhere now though - and all it took was prodding Tenshi into an emotional corner.

Tenshi grew angrier at Yukari's apparent facetiousness, gritting her teeth. "And y'know what? I seriously hate. your. guts. You should never have woken up, I could easily have taken your place as a sage...! And then why stop at Gensokyo? This whole senseless planet needs to be reformed!!"

"I should have never woken up? That stings, dear Tenshi... but today's your lucky day! I have brought... salvation." the blonde youkai snapped her fan shut, revealing her impish smile to the celestial.

Tenshi's face reddened in confusion, contrasting the bright blue of her hair. "Wh-... what the hell are you talking about?"

"How about instead of going back to sleep... I just... die? In fact, I'll even throw in some euthanasia for _you_ , too. Free of charge!" Yukari cackled fiendishly.

"What are you playing at!? Y-you... wouldn't... you wouldn't dare..." Tenshi bit down hard on her own lip. "There's no way you'd sacrifice yourself like that... you'd never willingly die..." she stuttered, her pink face appearing increasingly fatigued.

"That's right, I wouldn't, would I Tenshi?" The youkai cackled again. Yukari floated right up in Tenshi's face, snapping her fingers and opening a corner of a gap just inches from the celestial's unspoiled neck. "By the way... Just so we're on the same page? I've figured it all out. Everything."

"...Liar."

The blonde youkai grinned as her lips edged uncomfortably closely to Tenshi's right ear. "Everything about this incident originates from the two of us, isn't that right, Tenshi? So either you end it immediately... or... I murder us both!" the blonde youkai giggled into Tenshi's ear and snapped her other finger, opening another end of the same gap just inches from her own neck.

Tenshi's face was becoming increasingly pale, her eyes struggling to hide their shock. "H-have you totally lost it!? What makes you think I have anything to do with this stupid incident? I-I'm a victim!"

"Isn't it... _you_ , who has lost it?" Yukari tilted her head and batted her eyelids at the celestial innocently. "Wouldn't your poor head feel so much better if there were just one timeline... if you hadn't tried so... desperately... to mess with forces far beyond your childish, naive brain’s comprehension?"

Tenshi's desperately shook her limbs as she tried to struggle free. "D- _dammit!!_ " she screamed, the pain in her head becoming more and more intense, tears flooding from her eyes again. "Sh-Shion... help... help me... _please_...! My head... it hurts, it hurts so much..."

"Shion isn't coming, Tenshi. Because of your mistakes." Yukari mocked the celestial. "So... I can cure that nasty headache of yours right now by killing us both, or you can end it yourself with the snap of your fingers! It's really quite a win-win for you, isn't it? Celestials like you just end up living again even if you die a bunch, after all..." she giggled facetiously. "In fact, I must wonder  _why_ you protest so at the thought of my death. Is there something you need to keep me alive for, perhaps?"

Tenshi scowled and chewed her lip, tears still trickling. Of course, part of Yukari felt cruel - but this was what she was best at. Playing the part of the insufferable and merciless great youkai who manipulated the course of Gensokyo's history... to keep it afloat. To keep it safe.

And this... was no different.

"But now, you're my prisoner~." she chimed victoriously, lying back on her gap and fanning herself theatrically. "So no matter what you choose? This nightmare of ours ends. Tonight."

Tenshi scoffed. "Me?  _Your_  priso-" she was about to argue, but suddenly bit her tongue and sharply averted eye-contact with the blonde.

"The cat's out of the bag, hm?" Yukari smiled pleasantly, straightening herself out again and moving her face to just inches away from Tenshi's. She held her right hand in front of Tenshi's eyes, grinning maniacally, with her thumb and middle-finger in position to snap.

“Better hurry, celestial! I’m getting ever. so. impatient!” The gaps she had partially opened appeared to quiver and pulse in the air with anticipation as she rubbed her thumb and middle-finger together. Her finger slipped slightly... whoops! The gaps edged apart just enough to cause a notable, deep cut in Yukari's own neck, threatening to cleanly slice both their necks open at the slightest movement of Yukari's hand.

But... despite this taunting of death, the panicked fear in Tenshi's eyes gradually faded. Instead, Yukari began to recognise a look of stoic, tired, acceptance. "F-fine!" she sighed irritably, her voice shaking slightly. She sounded exhausted. "Fine... You win."

"Splendid!" Yukari's lips curled into a sharp grin. "So then, dear Tenshi... are you ready to see Shion again?"

Tenshi frowned, her face almost sulking as she grimaced and avoided Yukari's eye-contact.

With the minimal movement she could afford with her right hand, she snapped her finger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is, of course, a reference to Yukari's stage theme.
> 
> So... Who done it? Figured it out yet?
> 
> How about one more hint:  
> https://i.gyazo.com/8ef81344285a8ff76bbb679c81b2054a.png
> 
> See you next week!
> 
> \------------------------------------------  
> Glossary:  
> Oni - an incredibly physically strong youkai, comparable to a demon or ogre. In Touhou, they are quite a rare youkai.


	15. The Yorimashi Sits Between Dream and Reality

Woken in shock by the sound of a loud 'snap', Yukari Yakumo's eyes jolted open.

Her room was blanketed with the tranquil darkness of night and... yes. She briefly scanned the room - this was certainly her own room. It felt like it had been so long since she had seen it...

The covers slipped from her shoulders as she quickly sat up - and despite how well-insulated her room needed to be, she still felt the cold chill of winter faintly rolling through the house. Yukari brought her hands to rub her upper-arms... Gensokyo's winters were as harsh as ever...

But the chill of winter brought another realisation along with it. It was winter. And she was awake. She was awake in the winter!

This realisation was accompanied by an intensifying, anxious heartbeat, which was more than enough to warm her body and quickly rouse her from bed.

Because it was in that moment that a morbid curiosity, something she was too terrified to call hope, overtook her will.

She crept quietly to her clothing drawer - everything was kept in immaculate condition, of course. Most of the clothing in here she scarcely ever needed to use... but it was fun to dress up on occasion, wasn't it? Ahh anyway, here! She pulled out a long, woollen lilac scarf and liberally wrapped it around her neck, as well as some white gloves.

No matter what happened, she didn't plan on going back to bed just yet - even if it still wasn't spring time.

Gently sliding the door to her room open and peering into the living area, everything was just as she remembered it. A few candle-lit torches purred away gently in the corners of the room, illuminating the night ever so slightly and taking some of the edge off the penetrating cold.

Yukari then, driven by her own morbidly hopeful curiosity, tip-toed to her shikigami's room and gently... slid the door... open.

A soft, annoyingly squeaky snore easily drowned out Yukari's attempts to be quiet.

And an immeasurable, overwhelmingly warm sensation filled the blonde youkai's heart.

Her diligent shikigami... her precious Ran Yakumo... was slept peacefully on her side in her bed. A troublesome and loudly snoring cat youkai was bundled up in the fluff of the kitsune's nine tails.

Tears briefly welled up in Yukari's eyes as she allowed relief to wash over her like a river, but there was no time for that. With any luck... there would be plenty of time spent with her shikigami soon.

For now though, she had business - quite urgent business - to attend to.

Gently sliding the door closed again and allowing her servants their rest, Yukari span around and plucked her hand-fan from a gap, before grinning to herself in excitement and falling theatrically backwards into another.

She hung upside down into a dark, musty house. The stench of magic was as strong in here as always, and of course the floor was an absolute mess. Random magic objects, books and curiosities from both Gensokyo and the Outside World lay strewn about without any apparent rhyme or reason.

But the house had that unmistakable homely vibe, and the fire gently crackling away in the old brick fireplace did wonders for that. Yukari could hardly keep the smile off her face as her heart thumped loudly in her chest; it seemed like the magician was home for once.

Trying to maintain her composure, Yukari began her search for the labyrinth's owner. A pile of clothing here and a strangely shaped rug there, and of course the bed seemed empty. Actually... was it? Yukari floated invasively over the bed and noticed that while the bed hadn't been slept in, that was probably because the magician had fallen asleep, fully clothed, over the side of the bed closest to the window.

A hopeful anxiety caused Yukari's heart to race and her eyes to well up once more.

' _She must have been stargazing..._ ' Yukari chuckled to herself at the chair pulled out near the telescope at the window. She then set to wake up her target, menacingly wiggling her fingers.

One hair plucked. Marisa flicked her hand out in her sleep, as if trying to bat away a fly - or fairy.

Another hair. Marisa snorted irritably in her sleep. "Gnnnugh!!"

A third hair.

"S-stop it already!! What the hell!?" Marisa jolted awake, her face reddened and annoyed from having been woken in a way that so rudely disrespected her glorious golden locks. While she fell asleep in the weirdest places, Marisa was always good at being very alert very quickly - and it didn't take her long to spot her attacker. "Oh, it's you." she irritably rubbed some sleep out of her eyes. "The hell're you doin' awake at this time of year?"

Ah... no good. No good. Yukari was seriously struggling to hide how overjoyed she was. A wobbly, elated grin was beginning to spread across her lips and she was certain it was entirely inelegant and clumsy. So to make sure Marisa couldn't see her face, she quickly squeezed the girl into a ‘playful’ hug.

"Uuuugh." Marisa rolled her eyes, miraculously not thinking anything strange of Yukari's invasion of her personal space. "Reimu's finally had enough of your crap so you got lonely and came t' see me instead? Is that it?"

Reimu...? Reimu...! Reimu!!  _Reimu was alive!!_

Yukari felt an overwhelming warmth of relief coursing through her again as she rebelliously gripped Marisa tighter in her arms. The distinct smell of Marisa's house, the familiar feeling of Marisa's halfhearted objections, the tickle of Marisa's curly blonde hair as Yukari nuzzled her nose into Marisa's warm shoulder. How foolish she had been to have ever taken any of these beautifully unique things for granted.

Her plan was foolproof: she could hide her uncharacteristic outpouring of emotion from Marisa and finally, finally give this incredible and extraordinary human magician the embrace she knew she would always regret not giving her. And with any luck...

 _Whack_.

Yes! A swift bat to the head to get her to back off! And it stung, too. Marisa definitely had a surprisingly strong punch for a human magician.

Still... Yukari knew better than anyone that there were some dreams you could still feel pain in. Doubt crept back into Yukari's heart.

Still, for now, whether it was real or not, she revelled in the familiar reality in front of her. One where everything she had been experiencing finally began to make sense. And if she was right...

Yukari took a deep breath in, finally finding the strength to hold back her tears - and whipped out her fan just in case her smile felt like betraying the logical and manipulative youkai's emotional side.

"Hello, Marisa!" she chimed in her favourite facetiously happy tone - always a good choice for hiding genuine happiness.

"Hi..." Marisa lidded her eyes and yawned, evidently both annoyed and tired. "I was startin' to think you lost the ability to speak durin’ the winter. So again, uh, the hell are you doin’ up annoying me at this time ‘f year?"

Yukari giggled, fanning herself innocently and propping Marisa to her feet like a doll. "It is very strange indeed, but I was awoken by a most unique incident that I need your immediate assistance with."

Hidden within the layers of annoyance dominating Marisa's visage, a flicker of curious excitement knocked some of the drowsiness out of her eyes. "For real? That's so weird... Cus, before you woke me up I was havin' a really lonely dream," she rubbed her still half-asleep elbow "And I'm pretty sure you were in it."

Yukari's eyes widened slightly at that... surely it was a coincidence though? Of course, Marisa was quick to express her own doubts. "B-but hang on hang on, this is weird too! Why me? Why not Reimu? Isn't she your favourite?"

"Ahh yes, Reimu." Yukari faked nonchalance. "How is my favourite shrine maiden this winter?"

Marisa crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, definitely waking up now. She began shuffling across to the other side of her bed, anticipating the need to get ready. "She's fine, I went t' see her just yesterday. You want any tea or anythin'? I might have some coffee lyin' around somewhere too."

As Marisa turned around, Yukari clenched her fists to her heart in relief again and breathed out slowly. She then politely waved her hand to reject the offer when Marisa turned back towards her. "That's quite all right, dear Marisa. I imagine this incident will be over very quickly indeed if we leave now."

"Okaaaay?" Marisa set the teapot back down, both irritated and excited about being dragged away so quickly. "So again, why me?"

Yukari was in a hurry, that much was true, but she didn't want to bore Marisa with her long story either. The short of it was; she knew that going to see Reimu would have ended in heartbreak if Reimu wasn't there or was dead, or it would have ended in her own emotional stability being completely compromised if she was.

"I need you for this particular incident. Not Reimu. The truth is, Reimu has become a little soft towards me lately, and I cannot risk her holding back if this goes wrong." Yukari admitted with a white lie. While true, she omitted the fact that the primary reason was her _own_ softness towards Reimu.

Marisa's eyes widened with curiosity - because this kind of thing had definitely never happened before. It seemed like Marisa had gotten the picture, so Yukari snapped her fan shut and earnestly gave Marisa the real reason she didn't intend on solving the incident alone.

"Essentially... I need you to be there, because I trust you to stop me if I do anything foolish."

* * *

By the end of the night, one way or another, Marisa was going to see Yukari's vulnerable side - but Yukari had made peace with that. Dream or not, Yukari had seen the extent of Marisa's true nature and now had little doubt that the magician was someone more than worthy of her respect.

The two blonde women cautiously emerged from a gap, into a surreal plain where nothing appeared to make sense. Yukari had been here a number of times before, but something definitely seemed off this time.

The Dream World's deep blue skies and beautiful stars seemed afflicted with a sickly magenta haze, that distorted the land's fantastical landscapes and made them seem more akin to an unstable nightmare. It was immediately apparent to Yukari that her educated hunch was right on the mark: all was not well in the domain of Doremy Sweet.

Marisa's mouth gaped open in fascination as she spun around on her broom, taking in the awe-inspiring sights. "Y'know, last time I came to the Dream World it looked almost identical t’ the Lunar Capital... but this... is this how it normally looks?"

"Don't dawdle." Yukari beckoned Marisa to follow her as they floated through the chaos, looking for the source of the distortions and being careful not to touch anything. "To say the Dream World has a 'normal appearance' would be a little naive, as every creature that dreams visits this world every night in their sleep."

"Huh." Marisa calmly floated backwards on her broom, easily keeping up with Yukari despite her own wide-eyed fascination with the ever-changing sky. "I wish I'd brought my telescope... so that sad dream I had, with you in it, I was here?"

Yukari raised an eyebrow and grinned at Marisa out the corner of her eyes. "Quite. It's an infinite space with infinite other spaces within it, with no obvious entrances or exits to other realities. I am only able to easily come here due to my abilities to manipulate the boundaries and borders of worlds. Careful, now... I would prefer to avoid running into our dream-selves, if possible."

"Dream Marisa..." Marisa thought aloud. "Wonder what she'd be like."

The youkai giggled to herself as she entertained the idea. "A Marisa with even less inhibitions than normal..." she intentionally thought aloud. It seemed... difficult to imagine. "Any repressed loneliness, perhaps?" she guessed without admitting the same would be true for herself.

Marisa laughed awkwardly "Why, you worried about me?" and then sped off to a point of curiosity to avoid talking about it any further. Bingo? Yukari smiled wistfully after the girl.

Both Marisa and Reimu were such strong people. Enduring a childhood without reliable rolemodels and still turning out to be the way they were... it was no wonder Yukari was so enamoured with them.

"Over here! Yukari!!" the blonde youkai heard a powerful yell from Marisa, that escalated as she spoke.

As Yukari hastily glided towards Marisa, a truly bizarre and unusual sight came into view - the very same scene that had caused Marisa to stop still with her jaw hung open. Yukari glared - but the person she had expected to be waiting for her was instead arguing with someone else. Or rather, herself.

"You moron! I told you she would come here right away, what did you think was going to happen!?" shouted a familiar azure-haired celestial. She was sat, one leg crossed confidently over the other, on top of some floating amorphous blob in the shape of a huge catfish. It... definitely didn't look like a catfish though, and it oscillated between colours and patterns of blue, red, white and black.

"I knew this was going to happen, and I keep telling you I didn't have a choice! What would you would have done in that situation? Oh yeah, the same thing, cus you  _are_  me." an identical doppelganger riding a keystone a few feet off the ground responded.

Both girls seemed to be fully aware that Yukari and Marisa had found them, but were currently much too occupied with each other.

"Uuuggh I knew this was a bad idea, I knew it... why did I let you talk me into this!?" moaned the girl on the strange blob.

"Don't pull that, you came to me. None of this would have happened at all if you hadn't become so hopelessly smitten with that god. You begged. You craved my steadfast ambition but you've just... ruined everything."

Marisa scratched her head for a moment then turned to Yukari. "Tenshi and... Dream Tenshi?" she asked - to which Yukari nodded. Marisa continued "Man... Reimu filled me in on the whole dream doppelganger thing, but I didn't think it was this literal."

Yukari chuckled at Marisa's observation, though her glare remained malicious and transfixed on the real Tenshi - the one on that catfish.

"By the way, uh..." Marisa nervously pointed a finger at the strange thing Tenshi was sat on. "That... what's that."

"Doremy Sweet." Yukari glowered, her expression and intonation becoming more serious - to a point where it almost intimidated Marisa.

The blonde youkai poked Marisa's back inconspicuously by hiding her hands behind her back and dipping them into a gap. Marisa turned around and watched Yukari's disembodied hands dip into another gap and pull a small bottle out from somewhere. After making sure Marisa had noticed, she tucked the bottle into Marisa's pocket.

Marisa looked back up to Yukari's face, raising her eyebrow in confusion for a moment. Yukari held her fan over her face and whispered to her side. "Sleeping pills from Eientei. While I distract Tenshi, feed Doremy some of those."

The magician briefly opened her mouth to ask why, but Yukari elbowed her gently as if to say 'no questions'. Marisa turned towards the two Tenshis and gulped anxiously, as Yukari floated forward towards them.

"Uhm... Hello~!" Yukari chimed. "I do hope I'm not interrupting anything important... I had assumed you were expecting me, so it's a little upsetting to be ignored like this."

"Hang on a sec, annoying youkai hag! This is between me and me!" Dream Tenshi, the one hovering above the 'ground', span around and scowled.

"I will not 'hang on'." Yukari sighed, tilting her head slowly. "This is between Tenshi and myself, is it not? It always has been." she snapped her fingers, and within moments the Dream Tenshi was binded by gaps. “I _do_ appreciate you letting me out of that dream, but your usefulness is up.”

"D-disregarding a celestial like this, how dare you!?"

"All right, all right." the real world celestial hopped down from the surreal catfish-like blob and landed on a keystone. She crossed her arms confidently as she neared Yukari, but her facial expression wasn't all that confident. "I guess now it's time for me to explain my master plan to you, right?"

"Please." Yukari looked down on the celestial through a bitter glare. "This had better be worth what I'm sure you know you put me through."

Tenshi was definitely avoiding eye contact with Yukari. She gripped her fist at her side briefly and grimaced, before taking a big breath and puffing out her chest - here came the hot air. She opened her mouth wide and-

"Oh, and you can skip the build up. I care not for stalling." Yukari interrupted.

With a palpable scowl, Tenshi's posture deflated. "Fine, if that's how you want to be." any attempt at composure she had was essentially lost, she was definitely in fight or flight mode. "The short version is, no one loves you, everyone loves me, and I hate your guts for always sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong and being so pretentious about it. So my dream self graciously decided to help me overthrow you and become a sage of Gensokyo instead. That's it! The end."

Yukari raised an eyebrow and frowned, her eyes lidded. She wasn't satisfied. Not even slightly. And evidently, she wasn't the only one.

"No. That's  _not_  it." piped up Dream Tenshi, still held captive by Yukari's gaps. "You were moping, losing sight of what's important, so you broke me out of the Dream World so I could finally point you in the right direction again."

"Oh?" Yukari tilted her head curiously to the captive doppelganger. "Do go on... if your answer satisfies me, I will remove your bonds." The idea that anyone could break free of the Dream World was definitely fascinating.

Dream Tenshi shot a grin at Tenshi, who seemed to lock up. Her arms were shuddering slightly. "Sh-shut up..." the real Tenshi mumbled. "You'd better not say anything."

Snap - an irritated Yukari loudly snapped her fan shut. She span around and snatched Tenshi's neck in her right hand, holding her into the air. "I believe you aren't quite understanding me. If you value your lives, you will both come clean about  _everything_  before the night comes to an end."

"I-I'm serious..." Tenshi uttered as Yukari freed her hand from the celestial's neck for a moment, choosing to bind her in place with gaps instead. "This ugly imperfect world and its injustices... unfair societies... people divided because of the way they were born... the poor, the sad, the hopeless, I want to destroy it all and make a world free from such disgusting things! That's why I... had to become a sage."

Yukari glanced at Dream Tenshi, who was frowning wistfully. It was as if Tenshi's words had resonated with her. "Yes, yes. That idealistic drivel I've heard many times before from other naive fools." Yukari yawned as she fanned herself. "I'm afraid that won't do at all. I want the truth. Now."

"It's the truth!" both Tenshis snapped with startling passion. "At least... I thought it was, until recently." Dream Tenshi continued. "B-but I..."

"I... believe I can give you the truth." a soft, weakened voice drifted from nearby.

While Yukari had been speaking with the Tenshis, Marisa had wasted no time in skilfully sneaking around to the other side of the group and popping a few sleeping pills into the strange nebulous creature. When Yukari heard the voice, she glanced over to see Marisa supporting a very sleepy Doremy Sweet - and the baku had finally returned to her usual humanoid form.

"You alright?" Marisa asked Doremy with concern, supporting her over the shoulder. "Yes. I'm quite all right now." the baku mumbled. "Thank you both."

"D-dammit...!" Dream Tenshi grimaced. "You let your guard down, now she's gonna spill the beans!"

"Didn't you want to spill the beans anyway?" Tenshi snapped back. "Why are you so unhelpful!?"

" _Qui-et_." Yukari snapped her fan shut again. "The adults are talking now."

Doremy smiled weakly, but Marisa's face increasingly contorted with confusion. "Oi, if Yukari isn't gonna tell me what's going on, can you at least Doremy? How is it even possible for two Tenshis to be awake at once?"

The baku nodded gently "Of course. I owe you, after all." and then took a deep, drowsy breath in. "This entire incident was caused by a very powerful drug from Eientei, an insomnia drug used to help sleepy people stay awake.”

‘ _I knew it._ ’ Yukari’s eyes lidded as she irritably snapped her fan open and shut.

"Uh." Marisa squinted. "How did somethin' like that make alla this mess?" she asked, noticing that the Dream World's chaotic skies and landscapes had begun to calm somewhat since Doremy had reformed.

"I may be the lord of this Dream World, but I am ultimately still simply a youkai who needs the sleep and dreams of living things in order to survive - including my own." Doremy continued. "A baku eats and creates dreams, and within the constraints of the Dream World, anything your mind conceives can take form. That includes Tenshi coexisting with her dream-self."

Both Tenshis glanced solemn looks at one another as Doremy continued.

"So as you can imagine, a drug to make a baku or any denizen of the Dream World insomniac could prove fatal to them. Ultimately, it wreaked havoc on the Dream World itself as well as the dreams of all creatures in every other world. Sleeping pills were just what I needed to feel like myself again and regain control over this domain."

"Huh..." Marisa gently scratched her head as she supported Doremy. "So that's why I had such a weird dream..."

Yukari lazily fiddled with her fan with her left hand, while her right hand remained clutched around the real Tenshi's neck. "So Tenshi here, for reasons she will soon reveal to us, decided to threaten and torture Doremy with this drug - blackmailing her and taking over the power of dreams itself for the past night."

Doremy nodded gently. "As sharp as ever, Miss Yakumo." she then shot a wistful smile at the Tenshis. "An emotionally compromised and resentful-sounding Tenshi called upon me, offering information about some side effects of last year's Perfect Possession incident... but I was too trusting, and she took advantage of me in order to come to the Dream World herself and meet with her dream-self."

"Her dream-self was still out of control 'cause of when the Perfect Possession incident caused a mess in the Dream World?" Marisa asked, noticing that Doremy had vanished from her side.

"Not quite!" Doremy answered, her voice now seemingly coming from all directions. "Tenshi has had those deeply buried desires for many, many years now... no, her and her dream self's latest volatility was..."

" _Stop!!_ " Tenshi grimaced. "Don't say any more, I-I'm..."

"Ashamed? Embarrassed?" Doremy smiled gently, suddenly appearing behind Tenshi and giving her head a small hug. "I believe this could all be solved very, very quickly if I just... brought her here." a kindly mischievous grin spread across the blue-haired baku's face as she affectionately ruffled Tenshi's hair.

Something in Tenshi's eyes lit up and she fell silent, her body relaxing, despite Yukari's grip around her neck.

"N-no! Stop! She's ruthless! She'll only cause you pain!" Dream Tenshi angrily shouted at Doremy and Tenshi - who didn't appear to pay her any mind.

"I'll be back soon... I'm leaving this to you." Doremy curtsied politely, seemingly towards Marisa rather than Yukari. Marisa's eyes widened slightly as Doremy disappeared into a puff of pink smoke.

The target of Doremy's politeness didn't appear to matter, as Yukari's increasingly furious glare was fixed on the bickering celestials she had binded in front of her, rather than anything Doremy had said.

"Sh-she won't hurt me, right? Not on purpose!"

"Of course she will! Isn't that what caused all this!? When will you get it through your thick skull that she doesn't care about anyone and never will!?" Dream Tenshi appeared especially bitter, tears forming in her eyes.

"B-but what if she really does care about me...?" the real Tenshi mumbled meekly through Yukari's grip on her neck.

Yes, yes. A fascinating incident. But this childish squabbling had nothing to do with her. And the years of torture in a dream that felt far, far more vivid than any dream had any right to be were increasingly frustrating Yukari's every reasonable thought. The blonde youkai tightened her grip on the miserable celestial's neck.

"No! Of course she doesn't care about you, why would such a cruel and negative goddess care about someone as insufferably annoying and selfish as you, Tenshi Hinanawi!?" Dream Tenshi yelled.

Tenshi's face went blank, as if her own words knocked her heart right down into her own stomach. Her struggling fell limp and she quickly shut up.

"Look at you. You've gone so soft, you've made us both so _soft_!" Dream Tenshi squirmed, increasingly panicked and trying to pull her limbs free as her real body appeared to give up. " _You_ did this to us, you were the one who caused us to feel like this! If you had never met Shion, you never would've freaked out and tried to make that gap youkai suffer just to distract yourself!”

... What?

“To distract yourself...? You made me suffer _as a distraction!?_ ” Yukari straightened up, her voice deepening to a roar as she gripped Tenshi's neck ever-tighter in her hand.

"Ghh...! I-it wasn’t a distraction... You needed to be put in your place and I was the only one with the guts...!" Tenshi struggled, trying to meet Yukari's ferocity with her own. "G-go ahead! Do your worst..." Tenshi struggled. "You can't kill celestials... you can’t kill me...!"

"Now, that's not entirely true." a malicious grin spread across Yukari's face. "Did you forget? I'm the youkai of boundaries. Did you assume the boundary between humanity and celestial was one I could not manipulate? I wonder... how it might feel to have your celestial body torn from you as you die?”

"I-it wasn't like you singled out Yukari on purpose though, right Tenshi!? It was just a coincidence!!" Dream Tenshi started to visibly panic, knowing that if Tenshi died, she would too.

"N-nah... it's f-fine...!" Tenshi choked, becoming more visibly distressed herself. "Y-y'know... no one loves me. Everyone hates me! And you were right... Shion hates me too. And who could blame her? I have no idea how other people think, _no idea_ how to deal with other peoples' issues. I never care about anyone but myself! I'm not the kind of person who... deserves to be cared about."

Dream Tenshi bit down hard on her lip and opened her mouth to say something in protest, but only pathetic and pained squeaks came out.

"You know... why I hate you so much, Yukari Yakumo?" Tenshi continued, her voice cracking a little. "It's not because you prevented me from being enshrined at Hakurei Shrine back then... hating you for that would be a waste of time.

It's because you seem to _want to be hated_ , but you still have so many people who love you. Whereas I... this amazing and powerful celestial who so longs to be loved and admired by all... am so, so hated. Despised. Seen as a nuisance."

Nearby, Marisa's eyes widened in surprise, but Yukari's fury was unaffected.

"Do you really think I don't know? How much people hate me?" Tenshi continued to splutter. "I act ignorant, but that's just cus until recently I told myself I didn't care. I was fine just doing what I wanted, and telling myself that I was adored like I deserved. But then something happened and I... suddenly became painfully aware that maybe I'm just destined to always be hated, by everyone, forever.

So I thought!” her voice escalated “maybe I could show you what it _actually_ feels like to be hated by everyone! Even the people who are important to you! Because no matter how hard you try to be hated, you’ll _never_ be as hated as _I_ am!! Maybe then you'd finally see why this feels... so unfair... it's so unfair...” her strangled voice cracked more as it escalated “it's not fair I-..."

"I thank you for your confession, Tenshi Hinanawi." Yukari grinned, too angry to listen or to care, gripping the celestial's neck tighter to shut her up and opening a gap around the girl. "So as a reward... I will allow you the nostalgia of becoming human again for just a few moments, before I kill you."

"I-I... I don't wanna die... without being loved...” Tenshi squeaked, scrunching her eyes tight “I just... wanted to be loved..."

She clenched her teeth, her diaphragm forcing out pitiful, whimpering grunts as Yukari began to close a gap around her-

**-THUNK-**

With a sudden, impressively energetic force, Yukari was knocked far away from Tenshi by a heavy physical blow to her side. Tenshi, still suspended with gaps, gasped and coughed desperately for breath as Yukari found balance and looked furiously back at her attacker.

"Yukari... stop..." Marisa gasped, hunched over with a firm fist out in front of her. "Sh-she's... crying."

Sure enough, Tenshi's ghostly pale and dejected face was soaked with tears that tumbled mercilessly from her eyes, accompanying her choked and fearful whimpers.

"Why are you getting in my way, Marisa!?" Yukari bellowed, firing a few dozen bullets off in Marisa's direction from a gap. "This is none of your business, do you have any idea the amount of agony she put me through!?"

Before Yukari could even blink let alone continue her attack, Marisa darted right at her and delivered a swift right hook clean into the blonde youkai's jaw, striking her to the unstable ground. She held her red, shaking fist out in front of her. "Yeah uh, it  _is_  my business!! Or did you forget you asked me t’ come along on this nonsensical incident with absolutely zero context for the sole purpose of stopping you from doing something stupid!?"

Marisa rubbed her wrist with her free hand "Ahhh... that smarts... your face is deceptively tough." as Yukari laid on her side, holding a hand gently to her sore cheek. She stared at the blonde magician with wide-eyed awe. All the while, Tenshi coughed desperately as air returned to her lungs, her coughs choking on her tears and her voice cracking until there was nothing she could do to stop the wails from coming out.

"T-Tenshi!?" came a meek shout from nearby, as Shion Yorigami appeared out of nowhere with Doremy and rushed to Tenshi's side.

Seeing Shion, Tenshi's sobs only intensified. "G-get away from me... go  _away_...! I'm horrible, I suck, you hate me!"

"I-I don't... I don't! I promise!" The dark-haired poverty goddess gently reached up to cup Tenshi's face, smiling at her and wiping away some tears with her thumb. She then turned towards Yukari with a concerned expression. "A-are you okay, Lady Yukari? I was really hoping to stop you two from fighting, but it looks like I was too late."

Marisa glanced over at Yukari's inflated cheek and snorted loudly, holding a hand over her mouth in amusement. Yukari hovered back off the ground, still holding her throbbing jaw. "Ugh... if you  _any_  idea, dear Shion... that girl has put me through a century's worth of frustration in just one night."

Yukari really didn't know what to do. Moments ago she had wanted to tear Tenshi limb from limb for causing her so much pain.  _So_  much pain!! But now, Tenshi just looked... pitiful. Like a naive child who had somehow short-circuited all the electricity in an expensive Outside World hospital. It was no excuse, but...

But here was Shion, the typically meek and entirely pessimistic goddess, standing up straight and puffing out her chest with conviction. "Please... leave her to me. Let me take responsibility for what she did... if there's anyone in Gensokyo who can make her miserable, it's me! So maybe I can at least... lecture her. I-I just... I care about her."

Yukari sighed loudly, pinching the bridge of her nose. No... that wasn't entirely true. There was someone else in Gensokyo who was capable of making Tenshi miserable - and that was Tenshi herself. The Dream Tenshi who was forced to live for almost a century in a painful dream. A dream in which she had lost everything - just like Yukari had.

"Please, lady Yukari I'm begging you! I-I'll owe you another favour! I always keep my word, right!?" Shion keeled over forwards into her palms, shoving her head against the wonky ground.

A crying celestial and a grovelling poverty god. Even after feeling so undermined in that hellish nightmare, Yukari now felt like the worst, most disastrous duo were just... naive creatures who didn't know what to do with their own immense powers and influence.

The kind of people she had helped to create Gensokyo for in the first place.

The youkai was unable to prevent a smile from forcing its way on her face. She looked at Marisa who smiled back, still massaging her fist, and gave in. The blonde youkai snapped her fingers, and Tenshi fell limply into Shion's arms.

It was then Yukari finally noticed that Dream Tenshi was nowhere to be seen.

"Tenshi! Tenshi are you all right!?" Shion emotionally grappled and pulled the celestial into her arms, squeezing her tightly and protectively. Tenshi's cries became choked laughs as she wrapped her own arms back around Shion, burying her nose in Shion's shoulder. The tears kept pouring.

"God... god Tenshi I'm so glad you're okay I-I..." Shion clutched Tenshi's body to hers' tighter, stroking the celestial's head and nuzzling her azure-blue hair. "I was so worried... wh-when you ran off the other day I..."

"Shion y-you..." Tenshi choked. "You're not mad at me?"

"M-mad!?" Shion squeaked. "I was f- _furious_! But that doesn't mean I wanted you to get hurt or run away or anything!?"

"H-huh? Why?" Tenshi gripped Shion's rags tightly in her fists. "I-I thought you... I just thought I'd made you hate me... like everyone else does..."

"U-ugh you're so stupid! Tenshi!!" Shion pressed her nose to Tenshi's cheek as tears welled up in her own eyes. "I was hurt... I was scared that you'd never try to understand me or my insecurities, or you'd think they were inconvenient..." she gripped Tenshi's clothes in her quivering hands "I  _was_  hurt, but it only hurt as much as it did because I love you! A-and I've never, ever wanted to be cared about by someone so badly before..."

"Shion I'm... I-I'm sorry..." Tenshi meekly blubbered into Shion's neck. “I was so scared... I was so s-stupid... I really _do_ want to know how to care about you, to understand you, I-I'm just so scared of making mistakes...”

“Hey... it's okay! I make mistakes constantly, but you never left me... what made you think I would leave you?” Shion smiled sheepishly as she brought her hands to Tenshi’s cheeks and stroked them.

“I-I... I dunno.” Tenshi couldn’t help but giggle in between chokes, as she held her own hand to Shion’s and rested their foreheads together. “Learning from mistakes... growing and changing for someone else... Love is... kinda new and scary to me.”

“Me too, I think...” Shion giggled weakly back, pecking Tenshi’s cheek gently.

All the while, three others were watching the rather personal scene unfold.

"Their first lover's quarrel." Doremy giggled to a flabbergast Marisa and Yukari, though it certainly endeared the blondes slightly to the worst, most disastrous duo. "Neither of them are used to being loved, and their whole relationship was born out of convenience... but before then knew it, they genuinely cared for one-another too and they're not sure how to handle it. It's been a turbulent year for them." 

"All right, that's enough voyeurism for us." Yukari sighed. After Marisa’s punch and what she had just seen, she was entirely put off by the idea of killing anyone. But... she couldn’t just let this go, either!

The blonde youkai rubbed her forehead in exasperation and floated towards the blubbering lovers. Marisa reached after her, but Doremy gently placed a hand on Marisa’s shoulder. “Don’t worry.”

With the faintest of hand-gestures, Yukari pulled the duo off one another by the scruffs of their clothing and made them face her. She crossed one leg over the other and irritably tapped her fan against her other elbow as she scowled at them.

“I’m not sure if you two are fully aware of how many high-level youkai and gods I have slaughtered over the millennia, to ensure my vision of a paradise for youkai can be maintained.”

“T-Tenshi’s pretty old too, you know...” Shion started, but Tenshi elbowed her. “It’s fine, Shion.”

Yukari grinned. “The point, my naive friends, is that I have the power and influence to doom whomever I please. Boundaries can sever, reattach, or trap places, communities and even individual lives. Anyone who ‘loves’ me does so knowing that if they ever truly disrupted the balance of my Gensokyo, I would be forced to end them too.”

Yukari straightened up, standing tall in the air and snapping her fingers to shroud the two in a gap leading back to Gensokyo. She opened up her hand-fan and pointed it at them both.

“I am Yukari Yakumo, the architect and puppet master of Gensokyo itself. The only creatures of this Earth who do not love me instead fear and despise me. The only creatures who do not fear or despise me are those who love me. It is not because I wish to be hated, nor because I secretly wish to be loved - but because  _that is simply the respect I demand_.”

Shion, who had been on Yukari’s good side last time they met, was visibly shaking and quite anxious. Tenshi’s eyes lidded, showing that she too was a little intimidated, but she still reached her hand to squeeze Shion’s reassuringly.

Seeing their reactions, a delighted fake smile plastered Yukari’s face as she waved with her free hand, her fan still outstretched. “So, let that be a warning for you both!”

Yukari snapped her fan shut - and just like that, the worst most disastrous duo was gone.

Marisa clapped and whistled as Yukari concluded her little speech. “Very theatrical, good stuff!” to which the blonde youkai curtsied subtly, but was clearly still too exasperated to do much else.

Marisa then pinched the bridge of her nose. "A-anyway... I still have no idea what's goin' on, but where'd the Dream Tenshi go!?"

"Excellent question, Marisa!" Doremy chimed softly. "Once Tenshi and her dream-self's personalities became completely aligned and my power had sufficiently returned, Dream Tenshi vanished back into Tenshi's subconscious. She'll become active in the Dream World like normal once Tenshi has a proper sleep."

"I... uh... see."

Marisa flopped over forwards, suddenly realising how exhausted she was. "Man... as exciting as it is to be semi-involved in one of Yukari's vague, complicated incidents, I'm startin' to feel like Reimu... you woke me up in the middle of the night just so I could punch you in the face!?"

"That's right." Yukari smiled gently at the blonde magician and giggled. "You did exactly what was needed of you."

Marisa chuckled awkwardly to herself. "I mean, that's awesome and all but still. I kinda just wanna go back to sleep now. If you come see me again tomorrow I'd be happy to punch you again!"

The blond youkai chuckled, fanning herself. Her mood appeared to have recovered... somewhat. "Yes, yes... you may go back to bed. But I'm afraid that will be all for the punching." she rubbed her cheek sheepishly. "You hit far harder than I expected... I almost regret allowing it."

"Allowing it. Right." Marisa gave the youkai a big grin, before her expression became more solemn. "But hey uh... are you okay, Yukari? You've been really weird tonight. Like, weird for you weird." she gently placed a hand on Yukari's shoulder. "If Reimu were here, she'd be worried."

So, Marisa was worried, is what she was trying to say.

Yukari clutched her own hand to Marisa's - for just a fraction of a second - before brushing it off again. "I'm not... to be truthful, I'm not okay." she smiled facetiously before rolling her head back and looking to the sky. "but... I think I will be."

The blonde youkai pulled apart her thumb and forefinger in the air, opening a Marisa-sized gap. Marisa stepped halfway into the gap and waved sleepily, first to a politely-waving Doremy, then to Yukari. "Okay then... g'night Yukari. Don't be a stranger. A-and uh... take care of yourself, okay?"

Yukari waved back lazily. A genuine smile spread across her face, the warm blush of her cheeks hidden by the conveniently red bruise Marisa's fist had left there.

"Thank you, Marisa. I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE 23/09/2018: Updated Tenshi and Shion's lines to better reflect Tenshi's fears in Chapter 7.5
> 
> How must Yukari feel, for something that caused her so much suffering to have been caused by something so simple, to have been resolved in such a simple way? As the story draws to an end, your remaining questions will hopefully be answered in the conclusion and epilogue next week.
> 
> Despite her relatively small role, Tenshi ended up being something of a foil for Yukari: being hated despite longing to be adored, while Yukari ends up being loved despite her efforts to be distant from everyone. We don't see much of Tenshi's point of view, but both Tenshi and Yukari suffered for very different reasons. For Yukari, suffering meant undermining everything she thought she knew and trusted. For the spoilt and lonely Tenshi, the worst suffering she had ever experienced was feeling hated by the one person she really wanted to be loved by.
> 
> I pretty heavily hinted in the last few chapters that things would turn out this way, but did anyone see it coming?  
> Having Yukari "wake up" halfway through the story was indeed a red herring. In fact, the true nature of it being a dream under Tenshi's control was alluded to as early as Chapter 4:  
> https://i.gyazo.com/e3d5d11d4919cfe33e091604083d186c.png
> 
> Characters saying they had been having trouble sleeping is a recurring motif throughout the story as I'm sure some people noticed, but Tenshi is the only one who consistently implied she was able to sleep just fine. Chapter 9:  
> https://i.gyazo.com/fc9c3480d10536424d8d4e3078a8914f.png
> 
> Tenshi was also the one who remembered Dream Tenshi in Chapter 5, even though Shion was the one who fought Dream Tenshi in AoCF!
> 
> Foreshadowing all this was a lot of fun! But it was my first real attempt at foreshadowing in a plot-focused story, and I'm now realising that hints I had initially worried were too strong were actually not strong enough! It's been a really fascinating learning experience to work on and see reactions for.
> 
> \----------------------  
> Glossary:  
> Shikigami - A summoned being whose power is tied to that of its master. Sort of like a witch familiar.  
> Kitsune - Japanese word for fox, but often used specifically for fox-youkai like Ran  
> Baku - A chimera-like youkai that eats dreams. In Touhou a baku has significant control over dreams.  
> Eientei - a mansion in Gensokyo where refugees from the moon reside


	16. Necrofantasia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the conclusion and epilogue! Thank you SO much if you've read this far, I never imagined this story would get as popular as it did.  
> I've got a lot more thoughts in the endnotes, but for now I hope you enjoy the finale.

"What does a youkai who sleeps so much dream about?"

"Shouldn't _you_ know that?" Yukari chuckled weakly.

"I do... but one's own perspective of one's dreams is completely unique to any other perspective. Wouldn't you agree?"

Yukari floated sleepily in the sky of the Dream World, watching the sun rise from the east and set in the west at the same time. The silhouettes of castles in the distance appeared to swallow the stars themselves, which then became night-lit windows as they sunk into the buildings. The sun-soaked grassy plains that stretched for miles became peaceful green oceans, lapping waves against the moonlit beach.

"Here, I brought us some drinks." Doremy floated to Yukari's side, holding a cloud-shaped tray with a sheep-shaped teapot on it. Actually, the tray had a little head and feet, so that was probably a sheep too.

"Sake?" Yukari gently poked the warm pot on the tray.

"No, tea." Doremy pleasantly hummed "Sleepy youkai like us need our tea, right?"

"Sleepy..." Yukari yawned ungracefully. "I could probably do with some more sleep, but I think I'd like to enjoy the winter in reality for once."

"I can imagine, after that experience." Doremy mused as she poured a cup for Yukari and herself. For a few minutes, the two youkai who had now had far too many awkward encounters to be considered more than respectful acquaintances, sipped tea in silence and watched the sky.

Reading the lingering shards of a broken heart in Yukari though, Doremy opted to break the silence. "I’m certain there’s a reason you’re still here, and I can’t say I’m surprised.” she smiled wistfully at Yukari in between sips.

"I cannot apologise enough for my lack of prudence... for allowing such an incident to unfold because of my power." Doremy set her cup down on a pink bubble in front of her, pulling a comically large book out from a comically small pocket and flipping it open. "You must have many questions."

"It is funny." Yukari mused, taking Doremy's invitation. "I am simply not used to showing such vulnerability or doubt... but experienced a dream in which I could not escape those feelings. Now I wake to immediately find myself doubting the legitimacy of those horrors, despite how many I witnessed in a single night.”

"If you're thinking that you're a fool for becoming so invested, so distraught because of a dream... you're wrong." Doremy flicked through what looked like a few thousand pages, stopping sharply on one specific page. "Yes, only one night passed in the real world, but it's true that your mind was essentially held captive in my domain for almost a century.”

Doremy snapped her fingers, and a tall blonde woman’s limp, slumbering body appeared before them.

“Is this...?” Yukari’s eyes widened slightly, as she curiously approached the body and took in its pathetic, frail form.

Doremy nodded. “Yes, it’s Dream Yukari. This was the body your mind was just forced to live in for almost a century - far longer than most dreams are supposed to go on for. Of course, since you cannot properly nourish yourself or sleep in dreams, this body has been thoroughly exhausted.

Feel free to examine her! She may not be real to you, but it’s close enough to the real thing for it to not really matter. A dream-self is like a youkai - alive with a beating heart, despite not being a creature born of organic means.”

Yukari gently ran her hand along Dream Yukari’s form. Her skin was an almost sickly pale colour, the circles around her peacefully resting eyes a concerning dark green. She appeared significantly malnourished while her long hair was matted and knotted. “Incredible...” the blonde youkai muttered. This body was far more damaged than was possible for a single day.

“At first, Tenshi thought simply removing Reimu from Gensokyo would cause you enough distrust in your loved ones to undermine you, but after you figured things out Tenshi persuaded Dream Tenshi to directly intervene in your dream instead. Dream Tenshi ended up with the vivid memory of having lived inside your mind for over 75 years, intent on treating it like her own utopia."

Time passes very differently here... it is not uncommon for people to have dreams that seem to cover long expanses of time. The Dream World is, of course, a place where anything one's mind conceives can take form."

Yukari’s eyes lidded as she took her hand from her dream-self’s face. "But I have lived a very, very long time." She remembered the years she spent in her dream as clearly and vividly as she remembered the Perfect Possession incident just over a year ago. "And yet I have never experienced a dream of that palpability. So substantive that I could still just as easily be dreaming right now and not know it."

"Ultimately, reality itself is only your mind's cognitive understanding of how you perceive the world around you, no? So a mind as brimming with intricate knowledge as yours can actually create entire simulated realities. After all... you helped create Gensokyo itself, you 'programmed' Ran, your understanding of the world is relatively objective... for the most part. Simply, your mind was the perfect tool for such a world, the perfect weapon for Tenshi to use against you... and I was forced to manipulate your dream into forming an elaborate reality, because it is capable of that.”

It was just as Yukari had figured out in the dream - the cruel things that happened could only have been possible because of her  _own cruel mind_.

“Oh, and you are not dreaming right now." Doremy giggled awkwardly, stirring her tea with a thin pink bubble that had conveniently dipped out of the sky. "You have my word."

That all made sense, as Dream Yukari was evidently here. Still, wouldn't it be possible for two dream-selves to exist at once? Not to mention there was a Doremy in Yukari's dream too.

"Would the Doremy I met in my dream have said the same thing?" Yukari raised an eyebrow sceptically.

"No." the baku picked out another spot in the book. "That Doremy spoke in riddles... I know it looks like it's my style, but I hate unnecessary complications and would much rather be helpful and straightforward. And I tried to give you hints... believe me, I did. Tenshi really had undermined me though."

"Because of that drug stolen from Eientei?"

"More or less." Doremy nodded before continuing. "That insomnia inducing drug is crippling for denizens of the Dream World. It was the very same drug used to weaken your gap abilities in the dream, too.

The two Tenshis threatened me with that drug and had me use your mind to create nightmares to trap you in. To torture you... to make you miserable. All because she needed to take her unfamiliar frustrations out on someone she really disliked. Your mind gave Tenshi a huge world to play with, and gave Dream Tenshi the opportunity to live out what she thought was an idealistic scenario, in which she was respected and loved. But...

Ultimately, through your own intellect the cracks in the world became increasingly evident. Once you became aware of your first prison, Tenshi had me rearrange things to throw more constant nightmares at you, to distract you so much that you wouldn't even consider the possibility it was still a dream. She even had a Dream Doremy presented as a red herring."

"Looking back now, it seems so obvious." Yukari's brow furrowed with irritation at her own lack of perception. "Ran's unnatural passing, intelligent youkai murdering humans without any care for the consequences, my closest friends betraying me, the disappearance of the Hakurei shrine maidens... even cruel echoes from a life I left behind long ago. Horrific failures and betrayals like that, are..."

"Your greatest fears, yes. The people you had the least objectivity towards were the ones who caused you the most suffering. Being the master of your dreams, I know your subconscious and your vulnerabilities well enough by now." Doremy smiled apologetically. "Tenshi, though... she stared too deeply into the abyss, as it were. The sheer scope of your traumas, memories and experiences over your long life, the intricate complexities of your mind overwhelmed all of us.

Not only that, but Tenshi's own meddling. Her own uncertainties about whether or not her and Shion's relationship would last, turned Dream Tenshi's own experience into a hellish one. One where she could remember two histories, that both your mind and Tenshi herself saw as equally possible.

And then there were the others in your dream! Like Kasen Ibaraki. So faithfully recreated that even  _they_  began to see the cracks, even though they were merely products of your brain. You must have a lot of respect for them."

' _Ugh, really?_ ' Yukari rolled her eyes, almost angry that the Kasen in her dream had been more accurate than Yuyuko or Suika.

But at the same time, for their betrayal to have become such significant fears meant that Yukari truly did love those two. Her irritated expression softened slightly and she laid back, fiddling with her teacup. Despite her attempts to relax though, uncertainty still lingered heavily on her mind.

"You know... For the worst experience I've had in centuries to be the product of a dream, caused by a naive heartbroken celestial whom I never saw as particularly important in any sense... Isn't this all a little anticlimactic?"

"Does it matter?" Doremy reached the end of her book and slammed it shut with a satisfying, or unsatisfying, thunk. "Reality doesn't always work like it does in stories. If you like, this was a warning to treasure the moments you have with those you love rather than pretending you feel no love - for as in the dream, it is inevitable you will lose them all someday."

No, it wasn't just that. Attaching some fable-like ‘moral of the story’ only made Yukari even more anxious that this resolution had just gone... too smoothly. She briefly glanced again at Dream Yukari’s slumbering body, who just wasn’t convincing enough by herself.

Yukari’s expression became stern as she turned to look Doremy in the eyes. "What I would like... is to be able to shake this haunting doubt in my heart. Is this real? Was all that really just a nightmare? Or am I still trapped? Putting my mind at ease is the least you can do after all the trouble your carelessness caused."

"This is reality." Doremy smiled sweetly. "And I will do everything in my power as Lord of Dreams to reassure you as such. First, though, I believe Dream Yukari has more than earned her rest - so we had best let her." she snapped her fingers, and the frail Dream Yukari finally vanished with a puff of pink smoke.

“You’ve always been a pragmatic youkai, Miss Yakumo” Doremy continued, “so perhaps you’d prefer if I gave it to you straight. The simple reality is, your experience was not a exciting or climactic tale, nor a heroic trial you will be telling acquaintances about for years to come. This was merely a cruel reminder of how dangerous just one mistake can be from such powerful creatures... especially in this Gensokyo, packed with gods and demons, that  _you_  helped to create." 

Despite the still-present doubt in her heart, Yukari couldn't help but smile fondly at Doremy's words. Her beloved Gensokyo... of horrible, insufferable troublemakers.

"The inconvenience and unromantic realities of the world suit me just fine - and the romance of Gensokyo itself is something I could never resent. In the end, I may just have to more carefully watch the most powerful troublemakers...

... And speaking of which." Yukari placed her teacup back on the tray and straightened up again, pulling out her fan and holding it in front of her face. “I do wonder if a certain baku needs to be punished, for so naively trusting a celestial...”  she snapped her fan shut and smiled pleasantly at Doremy. “Or perhaps I’ll just have her owe me one?”

"Either is fair." Doremy gave Yukari an unsettlingly calm and bubbly smile... this baku was a truly force to be reckoned with. "While we're chatting though, would you like to know anything I have... personal information on?" she slipped off her red and white hat, revealing her ridiculously long hair as she started pulling out dozens and dozens of multicoloured books.

Yukari's eyes widened slightly in curiosity. "Those are...?" She had a hunch.

"Records of dreams, of course. All entirely, intricately accurate, from people around the world you have never met, to people you know very dearly. Indeed, much of which pertaining to things which _could not possibly be in your own mind_ already. You see what I’m getting at?" the baku pressed a finger to her lips and winked. "I would be breaching protocol, but... if I were to tell you a little more about the dreams of your loved ones, just this once... well, it couldn't hurt, could it?"

It was true that Yukari's mind was still plagued with doubts despite Doremy’s attempts so far. Thanks to the dream, it had been plagued with doubts for what felt like years and years... about herself, about Gensokyo, about her loved ones. At this point, the possibility of hearing about the dreams of her close associates almost terrified her.

What if Tenshi was wrong? What if they all genuinely hated her, as Yukari had so expertly invited with her own offputting behaviour? What if Marisa was filled with jealousy? What if Ran was filled with doubt towards her master? What if... Yuyuko... really _did_ resent Yukari for the past...

The more she thought about it, the more solemn her expression. Yukari began to wonder how well she really knew her 'loved ones' at all... because she was always so distant to them. Still, knowing that she couldn’t go on without knowing whether this was dream or reality, the blonde weakly nodded at the baku.

"All right."

"Very well." Doremy curtsied, plucking out a black and white book from a pile of hundreds. Then a yellow book. Then orange. Then light blue. Then red and white. Then finally... purple.

“Ready?” Doremy grinned playfully, dexterously flicking open the black-white book first.

Immediately, Yukari knew that the black-white book being here... meant that she had come to genuinely love a certain human magician.

Her eyes widened a little in realisation, her heart aching, as she braced herself.

"Marisa Kirisame dreams of friends, of protecting the people she is so grateful to have in her life, of the people she wants to save from loneliness. Of Reimu... of Sanae, Rinnosuke, and Alice and many many others. She dreams of adventure, she dreams of magic, and power, and the mind-blowing things she has yet to see or may never see."

"Ran Yakumo dreams of you... of obeying you, of disobeying you, of disobeying you in order to obey you... but she also dreams of Chen, of the Gensokyo you love so much, and the quiet moments. The parties, the peaceful warm evenings the three of you spend together. Her dreams are driven by her orders, but also by a genuine passion and love for your worldview."

"Suika Ibuki dreams of... well, none of this is surprising. Brawls, drink, the allies she treasures, the allies she has lost... she truly feels so much honour in her heart towards those few people she respects. And despite her losses, she looks towards the future with such excited optimism. After all this time, she still dreams of the oni returning to the surface and hiking together with laughter again someday."

All the while, Yukari leant her chin on her hands and stared at the sky. She hadn't told Doremy who she loved... Doremy just knew to pick these books. Was it that obvious Yukari loved them, or did Yukari's mind have more of her heart in it than she expected?

Tears rolled quietly down her cheeks, which only intensified when she heard the next name.

"Yuyuko Saigyouji." Doremy smiled sweetly. "She dreams of food! Mostly. And drink! But she also dreams of regularly about spending those wonderful meals with the Yukari Yakumo and the Youmu Konpaku she thinks so fondly of. Of course, you are a primary cast-member of her dreams. Laughing at the same jokes as her, making the same observations as her... you’re the one person in her long afterlife that she has ever felt truly in sync with.

She has occasional nightmares about a familiar girl, and a cruel, horrific tree...

But... her life is simple. She loves Gensokyo more every day... and she is truly happy.”

 _Truly happy_.

Suddenly realising the tears were tumbling down, Yukari clasped a hand over her mouth and, with an emotional whimper, allowed them to pour.

"Reimu Hakurei." Doremy giggled to herself. "Ever fascinating! A lonely woman who didn't ask for the destiny she had forced upon her, but more and more often finds herself dreaming fondly of the many, many faces she has met. She never dreams of power or of glory... okay, she dreams of having a lot of money sometimes. But more than anything she dreams of her love for humans, of youkai. Marisa, Sanae, Kasen, Suika, Youmu... oh! Even me! There are simply too many to name.

You're in there too, of course. A frequent visitor of Reimu's dreams, perhaps the youkai she respects as her equal more than any other youkai she has ever met."

"E-equal!?" Yukari suddenly choked out a laugh, tears cascading down her face. "What ever am I going to do with that girl!?" her voice cracked awkwardly as her throat coaxed up involuntary hiccups and squeaks.

Her laughter became loud sobs as she buried her overwhelmed red face in her hands. She tried to dry her eyes with her gloved fingers, then with her arms as the tears kept tumbling. "A-agh... for goodness sake..."

She couldn’t help but chuckle in between wails at how ridiculous she sounded, at how much her cheeks hurt from smiling.

Doremy hovered behind Yukari holding the final, purple book, and gave the blonde youkai a warm rub on the back. "Yukari Yakumo... dreams about Gensokyo. Her beloved Gensokyo, its wonderful and horrible denizens... she dreams about her love of humans, and youkai, of humans and youkai co-existing." she giggled. "Actually, Yukari's dreams have a lot in common with..."

"All right." Yukari nodded meekly, trying to calm her own weeps. "All right... Enough. That will do. Thank you." She laughed to herself as she wiped away her tears. "I'd like to ask for one last favour, then I will leave you to your work."

Doremy giggled and raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

The blonde youkai pointed her fan at the sheep-shaped tea tray. "I'd like a batch of that tea to give Yuyuko as a gift - I think I will spend tomorrow indulging in it together with her.”

A tender, relieved smile spread across Doremy’s face as she nodded.

“For now...” Yukari continued, her voice calming as she stared off towards the green waves of grassy plains in the distance, “I want to finally visit someone I feel like I haven't seen in a very, very long time."  

* * *

 

The quiet and lazy winter sunlight streamed gently into Hakurei Shrine's darkened rooms, a telltale sign that a certain shrine maiden had slept for longer than she should have. But why would she get up, when it was so much warmer under her covers?

For once, the cold winter air didn't even seem to make it to her face. She was perfectly comfortable... so just a few more minutes.

It was then, as Reimu Hakurei briefly edged into consciousness, that she noticed her nose was nuzzled comfortably into a head of silky blonde hair. Taken slightly aback, Reimu's eyes shot open as she instinctively felt for her trusty Yin-Yang Orbs...

But then she hesitated.

Light trickled into her eyes and her consciousness was roused. She pulled the covers off slightly, rubbing her eyes.

She noticed Yukari Yakumo's familiar mob cap flopped carelessly on the ground, and the vulnerable form of one of Gensokyo's most powerful youkai in her bed. Her fists clenched, tears dried in the corners of her eyes, her breaths meek and muted.

As Reimu noticed that the shoulder of her pyjamas had been dampened with tears too, the surprisingly compassionate youkai exterminator huffed a smile and relaxed again.

"Even insufferable people like you have nightmares, huh?"

Realising that this hopeless woman had put herself in the shrine maiden's care, Reimu accepted that perhaps just a few more minutes in bed would be appropriate after all.

She gently slumped back into bed and stroked Yukari's slightly knotted hair from her face.

She planted a gentle kiss on the blonde's forehead.

She reciprocated the fearsome youkai's cuddles, wrapping an arm around her back and embracing her securely, her face nuzzled up into Yukari's shoulder.

"What ever am I going to do with this girl..." Reimu hummed warmly.

"Don't worry, all right? I'm not going anywhere."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glossary:  
> Baku - A chimera-like youkai that eats dreams. In Touhou a baku has significant control over dreams.  
> Eientei - a mansion in Gensokyo where refugees from the moon reside  
> Oni - an incredibly physically strong youkai, comparable to a demon or ogre. In Touhou, they are quite a rare youkai.
> 
> \-----------------------  
> (link to Chapter 7.5, a bonus chapter that fleshes out Reimu, Tenshi and Shion: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16066472 )
> 
> That's it! Probably the most ambitious piece of creative writing I've ever done, wrapped up in a (hopefully) neat ribbon. I've never really written a plot-focused story before, everything else has been character development or relationship-driven, so this was a really big challenge for me... but one I think actually turned out quite well. I'm proud of what I did, at least.
> 
> The final scene with Reimu mirrors the start of the story, but also how similar I believe Yukari and Reimu really are.. and it was pretty emotional to write after how long I worked on this.
> 
> So what's next?  
> Next week and the week after, I intend to publish ch3 and ch4 of my Reimu/Sanae fic. It's the opposite of this, very very indulgently fluffy, but I'm still working hard on it. If you like Touhou and my writing though, you'll probably enjoy it!
> 
> It'd mean a lot to me if you checked it out.
> 
> I'm also considering writing a separate bonus chapter focused on Tenshi, as fleshing her out a little more has been a popular idea both among my friends and in comments. If I do this, it probably won't be ready for a couple weeks.
> 
> \----------------------
> 
> Ending notes:  
> To put it lightly, I have a lot of thoughts about this story, so I'm probably going to update this notes section occasionally with more. Obviously you don't need to read them unless you want to, but in the end I just really hope you enjoyed reading the story itself. Even if you didn't like all of it, just the beginning, middle, or end, I'm happy!
> 
> This was really fulfilling for me to work on. I learnt a lot about Touhou very quickly while writing it, and even when editing it. I've been working on it for like 5 months now I guess, but it feels like my understanding of characters like Yukari and Ran and Marisa and even Kasen have changed so much in that time.
> 
> That said, the story ended up pretty consistent with my original idea for it. That was, to explore Yukari's character and the vulnerable sides you'll never see in canon. What makes her tick, what upsets her, what makes her happy.
> 
> The red-herring dream was the first idea, to show her spectrum of hope, sadness, love and relief. That, as well as learning to rely on Marisa instead of Reimu, were essentially the backbone of the plot. After that came the idea that the second dream reality would see Gensokyo become more and more chaotic and unstable. Everything else grew from that.
> 
> I contested the idea of having Tenshi be responsible pretty early on, but it didn't get solidified in my head until WaHH45 made me ship her with Shion like burning. Having Yukari's hellish dream be caused by something petty like naive lovers having an argument felt perfectly Touhou to me.
> 
> Probably the last thing that filled out the plot was the sidestory at Hakugyokurou - which actually ended up being possibly my favourite segment in the whole story. Originally I wasn't even sure how to involve Yuyuko, but I'm really pleased with how I used that in the end. It led to Yukari and Kasen's relationship being fleshed out too.
> 
> Since this was my first time writing something so story-driven and trying (perhaps failing) to foreshadow, there may be plotholes... if you have any questions feel free to ask. I welcome critiques too, it all could help me improve future stories.
> 
> Of course, as always any comments at all are really welcome! If the story made you happy, if it made you cry, even if you just liked how I portrayed one particular character, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
> 
> Once again, thank you so much for reading!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Chapter 7.5: The Ground's Color is Purple](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16066472) by [Pikablukachu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pikablukachu/pseuds/Pikablukachu)




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